Fil moved on too quick?

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Mil died a 14 months ago. Fil has found someone else and is all loved up. The woman is my mums neighbour. I took him to social club as I was worried he was lonely and miserable. So now he's in love with neighbour. Sil is really unhappy moved on too quick ect. I said I feel stuck in middle, I like neighbour, I dont want Fil unhappy. I went out my partner didn't want to go, he's OK with his dad being happy but doesn't want to see it. I get it. Event at social club, seemed very loved up even I felt a bit uncomfortable. My child was sad at seeing her grandad moving on so quick. I feel stuck in middle.

@Slatkater Well that dude sounds bloody awful to do that. Suppose we are talking about different things though, for some they would not do this from a money/house-grabbing point of view, like he may have done, but more from being bereft?

I have read that when someone is diagnosed with a terminal illness their loved ones start grieving from then. In some ways it does make it more understandable that a bereaved partner starts a new relationship quickly after the death of their previous partner.

Nail on the head. That's how it is with my DH. He has incurable cancer, but it's currently treatable. We know he won't live to a ripe old age. He's literally on borrowed time, though hopefully in terms of years rather than months. But yes, I've been "grieving" since the day his consultant told us. In my own mind, I've been preparing for his demise for the past 8 years. I've got a "roadmap" in my mind about what I'll do when the time comes and how I'll deal with it, what I'll do afterwards etc. It's all so real, so much more when you know it's coming, rather than the general "it'll happen some day" kind of thing that everyone else will think about. That's not to say I won't feel like I've been hit by a bus when it does happen, and even though I've a personal roadmap for afterwards, I know that things may feel very different, but to an extent in my own mind, I'm already planning for the next stage once he's done. None of that negates us living for today, and enjoying what time we have left together, but it's a realism of what IS going to happen. Maybe it's me, I've always been a head over heart kind of person, thinking things through logically rather than going with instincts/feelings etc. But, yes, grieving does start from the day you know about a terminal diagnosis, so I can easily understand why the survivor would be ready to "move on" sooner rather than someone who's partner died unexpectedly where it really was a genuine shock.

Badbadbunny …I wish you both very well.

This - and also, it was 14 months ago. How long do you expect older people to sit around wallowing? They need to get on with enjoying the rest of their lives.

I’d be happy for him. His children are being selfish.

I’ve known of more than one who’s done the same. Whether it’s been ‘love’ as such, rather than a nice, comfortable woman to see to all that domestic stuff they never really had to bother with, I wouldn’t like to say.

But I suspect the latter.

MiL’s DF went off to NZ with the new wife who’d nursed his former wife through her last illness. Apparently he was the 3rd husband she’d acquired in such circs! And with a very few years had buried him, too.