Fil moved on too quick?

[Hereforthecommentz]

Mil died a 14 months ago. Fil has found someone else and is all loved up. The woman is my mums neighbour. I took him to social club as I was worried he was lonely and miserable. So now he's in love with neighbour. Sil is really unhappy moved on too quick ect. I said I feel stuck in middle, I like neighbour, I dont want Fil unhappy. I went out my partner didn't want to go, he's OK with his dad being happy but doesn't want to see it. I get it. Event at social club, seemed very loved up even I felt a bit uncomfortable. My child was sad at seeing her grandad moving on so quick. I feel stuck in middle.

Time is shorter as you age, obviously, so why can't he find love? Grab it while you still can.

It's intended to be critical of both parties in a scenario I've seen played out many times.
It wasn't a comment on the OP's situation.
I've apologised several times for the wording I used in my post. Yes, it was unpleasantly expressed, I fully admit that.

Me too. If you genuinely love someone you would want them to be happy.

Fil has lost his wife and although OP describes him as being lonely, she appears to think that her DH’s feelings are more important.

So this is a hugely ignorant and unpleasant comment. People deal with grief in their own way. My DF had a new girlfriend about 18 months after mum died. I did find it hard, she even had the same name as my mum. My mum's death initially hit him hard and this other lady had also lost her husband. They spent the next ten years together very happily. I made an effort to make her welcome even though it was hard. What would you prefer that someone suffering a bereavement mourns for the next 20 years or wilts and dies? Both happen and I have seen this. The problem here was mine to deal with, making sure I could manage my own grief and support DF in managing his in his own way.

Well you could try and debate without the usual useless "not every man" retort.... yes we know not every single male on earth who's been widowed behaves like this but generally speaking its quite common for men to be on to the next woman before their wife of 40years is even cold. It's disgusting.
Yes they can be happy and yes they can date and widen their circle etc and yes life is short but out openly dating and tonguing another women only weeks or months after your wife has died is disgusting and disrespectful no matter what the circumstances.

That’s just your opinion. It doesn’t make it true. You don’t get to label another adult’s decisions as disgusting.

Yes, I've apologised several times for the wording I used in my post. It was unpleasantly expressed, I fully admit that.

18months is fine, the family member i was talking about was less than 8weeks before he was openly dating in their tiny village. It was his wife's friend and was incredibly upsetting for his children to see him all over social media and in public boasting about his new love when they grieved their mother. There was no tact or respect for his wife, their 30y marriage or their children

Some threads on MN are the same, one man gone another coming in.

I do wonder why you are on MN when you clearly have such a low opinion of women.

I don't think the man I know who loved his wife very much and devoted his life to her and is now finding happiness in another relationship is disgusting or disrespectful.

You were rude and your language was puerile. Own it.

And where was "tonguing" mentioned? I think I must have missed that.

That's my take on it exactly. No benefit at it in hanging around moping and being miserable just to satisfy some arbitrary number of weeks/months/years. I don't think I'd be out looking for a replacement too quickly when DH dies, but if someone came along I'd be open to a new friendship/relationship. We've talked about it and neither of us expects the other to wait x number of months/years. Time is short and life passes you by, especially if you're older, no one knows what's around the corner. Me and DH know how short life can be, we were both slow to get together, slow to marry, slow to have a child - and now DH has incurable cancer. It's like the last 40 years only took 5 years - it's all gone past so quickly, blink and you miss it. Our retired years are going to fly past too, so no point in waiting around, moping, not doing things, etc., just for what others may think. I'm in in my 60s and want to live a good life, doing lots of things, etc - I'd far rather than was with DH, but if that's not to be, we both agree I should find someone else to do things with, whether that includes a romantic interest and marriage etc., will depend entirely on the person. I'm not going to sit back and potentially miss a new life partner until I'm in my 70s and miss out on what could be my last active decade!

It's intended to be critical of both parties in a scenario I've seen played out many times.
It wasn't a comment on the OP's situation.
I've apologised several times for the wording I used in my post. Yes, it was unpleasantly expressed, I fully admit that.
I have valid reasons for being here, but this isn't the time or place.

Ha! This is not always possible & certainly wasn't in our situation. As I noted in my post previously it is extremely painful & you feel disloyal to the person that has died, unless you've been there it is impossible to understand. Yes people should be able to move on but they should do so respectfully & there is no need for PDA's in front of family. My partner tried desperately to see his dad alone & incidentally they went out alone weekly when his mum was alive but that abruptly ended when FIL met his new lady friend, oh & to top it all he NEVER spoke of his late wife ever again, it's like she never existed & again this was very,very painful for my partner & his siblings.

Are you worried about any potential inheritance going to the new woman?

Should certainly be a consideration!

I’ve been widowed. Please don’t underestimate the loneliness and grief.

Whatever he’s doing now doesn't alter how he felt about his late wife.

Let him be and be happy.

You don’t have a right to be on a predominantly female forum when you have such a poor attitude towards women.
I don’t care if you apologise, the thought shouldn’t have entered your head in the first place

Well, you're entitled to your opinion, but I'm afraid you're taking something from my comments which I did not intend to be there.

Fair play

At least you've finally owned it instead of claiming your post was 'overly cynical'.

No I’m not, I just see you.

You previously told women who wanted female-only care during childbirth that they were being unreasonable, even when some of them were talking about sexual trauma they’d experienced. You can hide behind the “nice guy” persona you’re trying to build for yourself, but underneath it you’re still a man with a pretty low opinion of women. So I do wonder why you are here in the first place.

A perfectly valid concern!

@InterestedDad37 is it getting wearing repeating yourself? 😉

I simply can't be arsed to do any retaliatory 'homework' on you, so we'll just have to agree to differ, I'm afraid. I could write an essay on why I'm here, and it may well open your eyes and mind. But I'm not going to.

I don’t really care whether you do or don’t. I also don’t really care why you are here.

A man who respects women wouldn’t say that because we wanted equality we are unreasonable to ask for a woman when we are having an intimate examination.