To feel like a right loser- anyone else?

[Conundrummum123]

I read the posts of my household income is £250k a year but we have a 5 yr old Range Rover, I’m not well off, I know you shouldn’t but I can’t help but compare and just feel so inadequate.

i also work in an environment as a (lower) snr manager surrounded by heads of, directors and exco who regularly talk of their life and lifestyle, sneering at people who go on caravan holidays, use state schools, go to the canaries on holiday, only wear designer clothes etc. And god I feel like such a loser, and the irony of oh well if you paid me more I’d be able to do those things too.

I’ve tried my best to work my way up the ladder and I earn £60k plus bonus (I’m in my mid 30s) and DH is about the same (bigger bonus) so we earn about £130k a year which it’s crazy that I feel like a loser but I just do. Do any other middle earners feel the same way? And then feel ridiculous about it given that so many are struggling with the CoL. It’s this weird duality of feeling like a loser and then feeling stupid for it. All salary gains have basically been eroded by the rise in everything.

i also can’t move on job wise as I just found out im pregnant with my 3rd (im sure that is playing into my feelings too)

Your not a loser. I've never had A decent job, the best job I had was a temp for royal mail!

Do you have a repayment vehicle or enough equity to downsize, ability to switch to capital repayment?

i work in this area and have seen this happen a good number of times, I hope you get it sorted

@ConstanzeMozart what's your plan for when the interest only mortgage comes to an end?

We have some savings, not enough to pay it off/down enough and still leave us with long-term savings though.
We're seeing a financial adviser soon.

Well you could equally say moaning about feeling a "loser" on an income of 130k isn't really good for others mental health either.

Why do you feel guilty? Do your children go without something in particular? If you grew up relatively more comfortable, will there be inheritances at some point that will boost your children’s financial situation in the future?

Think I'm the biggest loser. State pension and pension credit . Tbh I don't feel like a loser , got a lovely family ,my house is paid off , I don't envy anyone and think the people you work with sound very unpleasant .

The whole interest only thing was so unfair to consumers.

keep all options on the table, cap repayment (but your payments will be high given age and lending past retirement age) downsize etc.

i hope it all works out for you!

Have you got ambitions to earn more or climb the ladder?
In all honesty i can understand what your saying,
I was a manager of a niche sales team and earned almost 70k a year which was a goal I had set myself, I was 32-34. Started getting peeved I wasnt a "Head of" and jumped to another company to be Head of Sales, base salary increased by 35% but the bonuses were crap. Lesson 1- dont rely on being told repeatedly at intervew "very competitive commission" ask to see the bonus policy for your role before deciding. So i went from earning 70k as a manager to 65k as a head of.

What was the point in that? Because at the time i was SO HUNG UP on being a head of that I didnt actually look at the whole picture.

Lesson learned my side I wanted certain goals which on paper (cv) look good but its not done anything for me really. The company i work for is shit there is no employee benefits no development.

Step back from what your thinking right now,( failure, not achieved enough. )

What were your goals 2 3 5 years ago, where are you now. What does real success look like in the next 5 years for you? How can you achieve that?

well that is true wealth . Family, health and contentment are priceless IMHO.

My dad was on the exco of an energy company and I went to private school, my mum was a childminder. We went to Walt Disney world at least once a year, sometimes twice, cruises, etc. He passed away but my mother is very financially irresponsible and has frittered a lot of cash away. It would also be a horrible horrible battle for cash with my sibling who’s objectively not a very nice person so whilst there will be some, it will not be huge

I have a similar salary to you, but without the addition of a second wage. I do work with a lot of high earners, but I can honestly say - touch wood - I haven't experienced the sort of sneering you describe.

Sometimes casual comments of theirs highlight the discrepancy - a lot of them have loads of air miles, for instance, and routinely fly business class to far flung places - whereas my idea of a holiday is a week in a caravan. They have new cars, ours is a tiny 10 year old one.

But if I had that kind of money, I wouldn't spend it on the same sort of things; if I won the lottery I don't think I'd replace the car until it broke, and I might have more frequent holidays but I like caravanning so I wouldn't change that. We don't have children and the mortgage is all but paid off, so I don't feel poor or struggle for money.

@Conundrummum123 Doesn't matter how much they earn and how much they sneer we will all die one day.
They can't change that even with their millions.
Each day wasted by worry is wasted. Money can't buy time.
Count your blessings and be grateful for what you have.

ive always been ambitious… 2/3 yrs ago I couldn’t believe I was offered a promo to earn £15k more and I recall thinking oh yeah, I’ve made it now, I’ll have to stick at this a while before I can move up… but 2 years I’ve mastered this role and I’m wanting the next step. Will be difficult to go external for will need an internal promo to get the titles. Realistically too much of a big jump to head of, more of a senior senior role, bigger team more responsibility etc. But I’m in the holding pattern where they hold it over your head a bit and make you do it without the official promotion. Hope it comes through before I have to tell them I’m pregnant or I feel that my scupper my chances

I earn less than you and I'm a decade older. Different sector and sometimes I feel like a loser especially when I read stuff on Mumsnet that suggests most people are better off but most of the time I try to feel grateful and it works. You and I are better off than most people in the UK and in the world. Your colleagues sound like dicks living in a bubble and with those values they won't live a full life either.

appreciate what you’re saying

Use this every time you feel like that. https://www.ons.gov.uk/visualisations/dvc1802/calculator/index.html

No because I've had actual problems in life. Aslong as my family are healthy, happy and the bills are paid with enough left over im happy . You earn significantly more then we do and I'm not jealous of you, you actually seem really unhappy. One day in your life something terrible will happen and you will learn how little money and stuff matters

Well we earn similar and I feel extremely comfortable and fortunate. You don’t say what savings/investments you have(if any)?
now we do only have 2dc and they are 10 and 13 so no childcare costs. I budget everything and we save 2.5k minimum per month. I know we are doing well. I don’t need anyone to tell me I’m not well off etc, it’s how I feel, I know compared to a lot of people we are well off.

I think the trick is to focus on what you CAN afford, not what you can't, and be grateful for it. We have so many luxuries in our lives that it's easy to take for granted!

Years ago, I worked for a very wealthy man. He'd come into the office at lunchtime with a Picasso original sketch or an antique Persian silk rug that he'd just bought on a whim. I was struggling to make ends meet and found it bizarre that he never considered himself well off. But that's because he was friends with people like Nesuhi Ertegun.

Mumsnet exposes us to some rather snooty and privileged people at times, it's important not to make comparisons. Knowing that we have enough is fundamental to happiness and often seems to be lacking among some posters who sneer at lower-income groups.

Nope. And I earn a lot less than you.

But I come from real poverty. So despite my lower income, I feel that I've done well. Yes, there are others around me with more. But I've earned mine, all on my own. No family money/support.

Erm bad things have happened in my life too, but thanks!

If these people are really sneering they are absolute twats, OP. I could not respect them, and neither could the people I daresay they admire.

Is there any chance you could change jobs?

Failing that, please find some tools to bolster your self worth. Letting these twats take up space in your head is just not worth it.

I earn £36k, single. I have two children and have a safe / warm / clean home. We enjoy nice holidays, the kids go to state schools and have done extremely well. I feel they are polite and well rounded individuals.

Would I want to be keeping up with the joneses and constantly comparing myself to people better off, no not really. Are they happier because they have more money? I don't know. I'm happy, I love a simple content life that I can afford for me. Do I get what I want when I want it, no not always.

I feel you need to stop comparing yourself to others lifestyles, what do you want from your life? Can you afford the lifestyle you have, is your family happy and content with the life you have? If you do want more, what would it be? Not to compete with others but what would you actually like for you and your family? I think peer pressure is just that, pressure.

I / we do have savings about £30k, we had more but we need to get a car and pay down some of the HTB, but I’ve been terrible with actually investing them which I know I need to do.