To feel like a right loser- anyone else?

[Conundrummum123]

I read the posts of my household income is £250k a year but we have a 5 yr old Range Rover, I’m not well off, I know you shouldn’t but I can’t help but compare and just feel so inadequate.

i also work in an environment as a (lower) snr manager surrounded by heads of, directors and exco who regularly talk of their life and lifestyle, sneering at people who go on caravan holidays, use state schools, go to the canaries on holiday, only wear designer clothes etc. And god I feel like such a loser, and the irony of oh well if you paid me more I’d be able to do those things too.

I’ve tried my best to work my way up the ladder and I earn £60k plus bonus (I’m in my mid 30s) and DH is about the same (bigger bonus) so we earn about £130k a year which it’s crazy that I feel like a loser but I just do. Do any other middle earners feel the same way? And then feel ridiculous about it given that so many are struggling with the CoL. It’s this weird duality of feeling like a loser and then feeling stupid for it. All salary gains have basically been eroded by the rise in everything.

i also can’t move on job wise as I just found out im pregnant with my 3rd (im sure that is playing into my feelings too)

I could but given that I just found out I’m pregnant again, it’s unlikely I’d find any place and get a full maternity package, I have a 3 month notice period

@Conundrummum123 I think of it this way…when I go food shopping I’m not counting really, I have a budget yes, but that’s just because I know it can be done for that amount, do I worry if I go over that budget, no I don’t and isn’t that such a privilege!? When I go to do my shopping I feel so so lucky I can feed my family. I watched a woman price a jar of tomato pasta sauce with her son the other day and he picked up the dolmio, she said no way I can’t afford that one, she opted for a carton of passata and I presume she would season. She had coins in her hand.

They look down on people who send their kids to state school? I think you just need to remind yourself 93% of children go to state school.

I feel like a loser sometimes my job is minimum wage but then I have my kids and my health. There are other people who earn the same or even more than me who have far worse problems than feeling like a loser

Are you for real op?

I really dislike those post...basically boasting about how much they have. Its absurd to have a household income in the hundreds of thousands and not realise how well off you are. They know they are in the top 1% of the UK in terms of salary. Best ignored.

Comparison is the thief of joy. I, too, thought that I was doing ok. I have my own tiny house and an income I can live on.

When I see what some people are living on, on here, I realise that I really haven’t done that well at all. Also, when I look at my work contemporaries, their houses and lifestyles are bigger, and more luxurious. So I’ve not done that well in my career.

But I also see on here people who are struggling and my heart goes out to them. Circumstances can change so quickly, too.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I just plough on and take solace in the thought that I know where I will be sleeping tonight and I know that I won’t be short of food. I’m adequately clothed and I have enough for my hobbies. I can just about afford my dental treatment and my medical needs are, thank heaven, taken care of by the wonderful NHS. I’m not in an abusive relationship and I have friends. I can pay my bills, although I hold my breath opening the envelope sometimes.

You are by no means a loser, OP. The real riches are in knowing the value of what you do have. This is such a cliché and it’s repeated so many times, but it really is true.

Yeah that’s comforting for salary but less so for expenses, savings and general wealth for us

I sneer at people who think they are better than others just because they earn more. It would suggest to me that they have very emotionally empty lives and low self esteem if they feel the need to show everyone their value through wealth. Fucking losers.

I earn less than £30k, and that’s with a recent pay rise. Would I like more money? Of course! Do I compare myself with others who earn more? Sometimes. But on the whole I am quite content. I’ve prioritised on what’s important in my life and living the lifestyle others lead is not for me. I’m lucky that I manage on my meagre salary and have spare cash to spend on things that I want. It took a lot of self reflection to get here though.

You have to march to the beat of your own drum.

I earn £17k (25 hrs) and I cannot believe I'm paid to do what I do. I feel rich.

This is a mindset issue, and it's understandable that you have it. You grew up with money and work status being seen as sucess, you are surrounded by twits at work reinforcing that idea, and you are also full of pregnancy hormones, most likely making you more sensitive.

Look at ACT tools to help you change your mindset, if you are open to that.

I hope you have some lovely Sunday plans with your family.

Right.

But you can start planning for after you pay back your ML. You might feel a greater sense of control that way.

Very sorry you are enduring this.

They just want to give their kids the best start in life and feel bad for other children whose parents can’t/ don’t do the same. It would be affordable for more people if they had less children.

some direct quotes

I am self employed and similar to you. These sorts of posts about how much they earn, range rovers etc just make me sick. It's stealth bragging and I usually skip by them. This one stood out because of the misleading title and a lot of people are losers who get paid 'earn' that much because they are always comparing themselves and never satisfied.

No I am not jealous, either before someone comes out with that old chestnut.

I have a secret pity for people (your colleagues in this case) who think the only way to have a good time is to spend a lot of money, it shows a complete lack of imagination. In the past few years we've spent anything from under £100 camping near Skegness to a £15k safari and beach holiday. The money we've spent is never indicative of how good a time we've had. It's about putting the effort in and finding the fun regardless of where you find yourself. There's only so happy and fulfilled you can be and you can reach that just as much playing in the arcade and eating a bag of chips on the beach in Southwold and you can snorkeling in the Maldives so long as the right people are with you.

I sometimes wonder with these threads though, if the wealthier people the OP is talking about actually sneer at people who earn less, or if it's the perception of those who feel stressed about earning enough. I can imagine people being a bit tone deaf, but sneering?

Some private schools are not very good!
Some state schools are excellent.
This attitude reveals a lack of discernment.

I had fuck all money when my kids were young.
surely that’s normal as children are so so expensive?

and many state schools are as good or better than some private schools especially at primary level. Why pay when you can get a great education for free?

In my case they do. For instance caravan, lodge and even centre parcs holidays have been commented on like the following ‘hate the people that go on those holidays’ ‘might as well just stay in a shed’ ‘who in th universal credit would ever pretend to be homeless for a holiday’… one of the assistant managers had just come back from a park dean/ haven with his kids for their summer hols. I was mortified and this conversation was after him revealing his holiday.

I guess where we are based the schools are maybe less good, or there’s fewer really good state schools most have large classes for instance

Don’t feel bad. The majority of us live month to month with horrible DC and even worse DFs and DMs, wicked Dsis and no access to WLIs while we face a horrific commute to a rotten dead end job where we can’t WFH while everybody else can.

what makes it tolerable is, I’m thin and pretty with nice skin and a gorgeous DGS who screams with delight when I sing to him.

We do have a grammar school system though so people like me who can’t afford private school tend to send their children to tutoring from y3 for the 11+

No, because my self worth isn't tied up in how much money I make or how senior my job is.

I earn less than you OP, enough to live comfortably with a holiday once a year, but not so much that DD going off to uni this year isn't going to mean we have to budget quite a bit more.

I've made 5 times what I'm making now (and hated the job so that didn't last long) and been absolutely on the bones of my arse as well.

None of those things changed how I felt about myself, because who I am isn't my financial circumstances.

Whether I'm loaded or skint, I'm still the same person, and that person isn't a loser.

I’m not sure what a lot of those acronyms mean… but glad you’re happy

You don’t work with nice, empathetic people. That’s the problem.

People who are comfortable with their wealth stop comparing themselves and others and are much more sensitive to those with less.

You don’t work with people like that. Which says much more about them than you. You can come across them at any salary level.

Try to ignore, easier said than done, I realise.

What is with all these threads at the moment? For what it's worth, we have a similar household income (slightly less). Two DC. I feel like we're incredibly fortunate. No we can't afford to privately educate our kids, but we put good food on the table and put the heating on whenever we please. Our kids are loved and have everything they need. They, and we, have great experiences. We are happy and healthy (mostly!). I feel rich beyond anything I expected from my youth - even if the COL crisis continues to eat into any gains we make financially.