To feel like a right loser- anyone else?

[Conundrummum123]

I read the posts of my household income is £250k a year but we have a 5 yr old Range Rover, I’m not well off, I know you shouldn’t but I can’t help but compare and just feel so inadequate.

i also work in an environment as a (lower) snr manager surrounded by heads of, directors and exco who regularly talk of their life and lifestyle, sneering at people who go on caravan holidays, use state schools, go to the canaries on holiday, only wear designer clothes etc. And god I feel like such a loser, and the irony of oh well if you paid me more I’d be able to do those things too.

I’ve tried my best to work my way up the ladder and I earn £60k plus bonus (I’m in my mid 30s) and DH is about the same (bigger bonus) so we earn about £130k a year which it’s crazy that I feel like a loser but I just do. Do any other middle earners feel the same way? And then feel ridiculous about it given that so many are struggling with the CoL. It’s this weird duality of feeling like a loser and then feeling stupid for it. All salary gains have basically been eroded by the rise in everything.

i also can’t move on job wise as I just found out im pregnant with my 3rd (im sure that is playing into my feelings too)

It's crazy that you'd let the obnoxious senior colleagues get to you like this, why would you care what they think of other people's lifestyles? Would you want to be like them? They are extremely bad mannered. Better that kids go to a state school than end up in a class with the offspring of such nasty people. Maybe you should look for another job? You must know that you are well off compared to 90% of people, you would not be having a third child otherwise.

not sure on the point of having another child, there’s a lot of people who have children they ‘cant afford’

Lack of fulfilment and satisfaction in life often comes from not feeling as though you’ve had choice and agency in how your life has turned out. Whereas you post quite coherently about financial and career decisions, and regardless of what you say about feeling financially inadequate, you’ve very recently decided that you feel well off enough to be able to have a third child. So you don’t lack choice or agency, and you’ve actively taken a route which is going to see you financially poorer. There has to come a point at which you acknowledge you have a very good living in comparison to vast swathes of the population, but that if you don’t feel as though you do, that was because of your choices.

Some of the biggest losers earn a fortune. Donald, anyone?

Keep things in perspective.

I don’t think anyone could describe Donald trump as a loser, a twat maybe or any other choice word, but he’s arguably one of the most successful men in the world.

Depends how you define success.
Trump looks extremely unhappy, like a man who has signed a Faustian pact. All the golden toilets in the world won’t make up for the fear he lives in and won’t help his failing health.

I think personally it comes from feeling as though I had, for whatever reason, made the ‘wrong decision’. Doing something rather than thinking all the way through, th costs and the potential long term gain an idealised version perhaps with something to prove

If you're worried about how rich you are or aren't though, and dissatisfied with how your lifestyle compares to others, you're probably not the type of person who would intentionally have a child you can't afford. A third child is a luxury I think, as bizarre as that sounds!

Maybe but now I’m second guessing all my motivations, was I just trying to keep up with the Jones’s? A lot of friends have recently had another baby, did I just get fomo / feel inadequate

I dont get your feelings at all op you have a damn good income coming in and soon to be mom to three lovely children all things I would love. If you was me then definitely youd have reason for feeling like a loser ive never earned more than 17k which is probably down to a mix of lack of confidence , autism adhd im not sure tbh. I dont think im too bright actually also only one child couldn't conceive 2nd time.