son becoming a chef

[marmaladejam1]

Am IBU to dissuade my year 10 son from becoming a chef. Main thing is they seem to die young, lots of drugs, terrible hours etc, also he has just tested in the top 3% of the state in Science, and I wonder if it would be a waste of his talents. Plus he is at selective high school and does very well, though does no homework.
Which is why I wonder ( as he just voluntarily made mini pavlovas) if that is where his heart lies. The pavlova were perfect. Crisp on the outside and soft in the middle. Swirled perfectly into large biscuit size. I'm off to eat another one but I do worry. The industry seems to be filled with drug use.

Sounds like a brilliant job! R&D or Food Scientist both sound like such interesting careers.

I've got three chefs in the family, one a pretty well known one in NZ. Yes, drugs are rife. As is alcoholism. It's shit hours, and bloody unfamily friendly. One year, one of them wound up on a hospital ward at Christmas time (again), and there were three chefs in there. Sounds like the beginning of a joke, but it's not. But, they love what they do. Main thing is - for the love of God, don't get your own restaurant! (Or that's what the most experienced one says - and he's had I don't know how many restaurants, most very successful.) It is a brutal life.

Do you want him to become a doctor? I work with a consultant, a lovely guy, who was pushed into medicine. His love was for music. He has had long term sick leave with mental health issues. He told me he wishes he could have been a musician. I know another senior doctor who committed suicide. Let your son have work experience in a kitchen and take it from there.

I don't think you should ever discourage children's passions/skills unless it's illegal or dangerous.
As people have pointed out there are many 'chef' roles, not just in a kitchen, and real life isn't necessarily like you see in TV.

My DH is an executive chef. He works 10hr shifts, no splits, home by 9 most nights. He has Sundays off. He earns over £90k
He's trained with some of the best chefs in the world.
He's now in an R&D regional chef role so less kitchen/service based.
He's worked hard over his 15 year career, we've had to make sacrifices, but he was born to do this and i support him fully.
Oh and he doesn't take drugs.

I was in the exact same position with my daughter, she had her heart set on joining a chef/catering course after her GCSE's as she wanted to become a chef. I talked her out of it and convinced her to stay in school and do an A level and BTEC in marketing thinking this would be a much better career for her.
Well, she is in the first year of A levels, she absolutely hates it and she is dropping out, so she will do the chef course at college come September that she wanted from the beginning. So a complete waste of a year in her life that I regret influencing. My advice is let him choose what he wants, let him follow his dreams through his own choices and make his own mistakes in life choices. They are old enough to know what they want, and at that age they are especially determined! :)

I would also encourage being dietician/nutritionist

Honestly I think you should stop being a total.snob and recognise what your son chooses as a career is his choice, not yours.
Do you do his school projects as well?

people who work in finance are also known for doing cocaine, would you tell him not to work in finance? He’s 10, he will probably change his mind anyway

You can’t dissuade him but you’re not wrong, the industry is rife with drugs. My family member is an amazing chef worked in high end restaurants but has an alcohol and coke problem, they changed to work in a high end cafe for better hours but it was still happening in the kitchen, it’s so common and seen acceptable to get through the shift

Plus, he’s 10, he’ll change his mind another 6 10 times by 16

I'd worry more about all the alcohol and sex. God I miss those days

DS is training to be a chef, he is 17, he struggled at school after his dad died when he was 11, Covid and undiagnosed ADHD. He wanted to cook as that was his strongest memory of his father. While he enjoys it and like the money he is earning, it’s not something he wants to do long term but it will allow him to travel and work while he decides what he wants to do. And yes his head chef does do coke quite a lot but it’s put DS off to be honest

In a similar boat- 15year old here though and gets stressed easily. He’s watched so many chef shows including ones that would make you think ‘why would anyone do that?’ I don’t worry about drug use but more the constant stress, bad pay and the knowledge that if you do anything wrong it’s a huge problem. No help just solidarity op!!

One of my oldest friends is a chef. He's never touched drugs but in the earlier days of his career he worked some gruelling hours. He thrives on the dynamic in the kitchen though.

He started a business with another friend of ours, and worked as executive head chef. The business has grown massively and he now happily kicks back enjoying his family life living on the several million pounds he made from selling his stake in the business.

It's his life and if he has a clear view of what he wants to do, having found something he has a talent for and enjoys, I think it would be ludicrous to try to make him fit your agenda instead of his own. And so incredibly selfish.

I wouldn’t dissuade him. It’s a really good career, lots of opportunities, chance to work abroad.

I do a fancy professional job that’s about to be largely consumed by AI, whereas being a chef isn’t.

If I had my time again, it’s something I’d consider.

Before reading any of the thread and just seeing your title - I know three chefs and they’re all alcoholics…

This! There's a whole world around food technology and food science. I studied food science with the plan to become a food buyer.

I wouldn't discourage him, I'd open him up to the wide range of opportunities within the food industry. Chef in a test kitchen for example?!

I’ve always said if you want to buy some drugs, ask a chef, they will know a dealer.

Ive a hospitality business and chefs are a nightmare. Mental heath problems are rife. The hours are long and unsociable. And the pay isn’t great. It makes it very hard to maintain relationships when you work all weekend and holidays etc.

As already said there is work in the food and beverage industry that isn’t soul destroying.

He is in year 10, so 15/16.

Sometimes I genuinely worry about some of you guys and the level of anxiety you live with

My nephew is a chef, and loves it. It's all he's wanted to do. I know he used to smoke weed when he was younger (he's 31 now) but don't know if he takes anything now.

Your son's only 11, he may change his mind, but if he doesn't that's fine.

ETA, I see he's Y10, not age 10. I'm nearly 60 with no kids, if someone says Y10 I always ask 'whats that in old money?'🥴

Oh I read that back to front

I wouldn't be overly worried about drugs, plenty of professional careers are rife with drug use.

The upside is that cheffing won't be affected much by AI. That's a big plus.

I'd say keep an open mind for now. Encourage him to keep at the science subjects. Food tech/innovation is a really interesting area to look into.

My angle is marketing and I work with lots of big food and drink companies. I'm always fascinated when the Research and Development teams tell us about what they're working on. Great careers to be had in this area.

First of all, having worked in numerous restaurants, it is not a drug filled industry and secondly, support your son. His life, his choices.

As parents we should be encouraging whatever passions our children have.

Every single industry will have people who take drugs, it doesn’t automatically mean he will.

Better to do a job you love, than a job you hate and if you force him into something he doesn’t like or isn’t passionate about then he will resent you for it.

Or on the flip side, he may well change his mind, he is still young after all.