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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

son becoming a chef

203 replies

marmaladejam1 · 07/03/2026 03:58

Am IBU to dissuade my year 10 son from becoming a chef. Main thing is they seem to die young, lots of drugs, terrible hours etc, also he has just tested in the top 3% of the state in Science, and I wonder if it would be a waste of his talents. Plus he is at selective high school and does very well, though does no homework.
Which is why I wonder ( as he just voluntarily made mini pavlovas) if that is where his heart lies. The pavlova were perfect. Crisp on the outside and soft in the middle. Swirled perfectly into large biscuit size. I'm off to eat another one but I do worry. The industry seems to be filled with drug use.

OP posts:
marmaladejam1 · 13/03/2026 01:56

TragicMuse · 11/03/2026 15:45

Not all chef work is in a high pressured kitchen. For every bit of anecdata there are hundreds of people just cooking and living a fine and happy life.

What I’d be doing is asking which bits of being a chef is he interested in. The cooking? Running a restaurant? Creating recipes?

There are lots of different sides to the food world, it’s not all drugs and being screamed at by the head chef. He might want to work in a development kitchen. He might want to be a private chef or do dinner parties.

There are many ways to work with food which he might not have thought about, but it seems a bit short-sighted to write it off without talking to him about it.

My nephew is in food. Cooking gives him joy. He’s not into drugs and he’s not somewhere where he’s bullied or screamed at. He cooks, he loves it, he earns a living. He’s currently in Europe for a month learning new stuff. His skill is one which is portable and transferable and for which there is always something new and delicious to learn.

it’s a delight to see.

Edited

May I ask if he is a qualified chef or something different. Thanks

OP posts:
marmaladejam1 · 13/03/2026 02:00

CocoaTea · 11/03/2026 09:58

We did read the thread - all of it actually.

The problem is you are only engaging with people who are supporting your own ideas and don’t seem open to other advice / suggestions / experiences.

Edited

Not sure what you mean. I have reacted to pretty much every msg with at least an emoji. Did you have a question I didn't answer. I'm unsure.

OP posts:
CocoaTea · 13/03/2026 12:44

marmaladejam1 · 13/03/2026 02:00

Not sure what you mean. I have reacted to pretty much every msg with at least an emoji. Did you have a question I didn't answer. I'm unsure.

Hey @marmaladejam1 you did reply post with an emoji - I acknowledge that.

I wrote my story about how I started my own food business and how it worked around family life and no drugs were involved.

Other people have also mentioned that they have other food related businesses.

I agree Food Science might not be appropriate for your son but not every chef job is Hell's Kitchen style with shouting and screaming and cocaine on the pass. You seem obsessed with the drug angle. Is there a reason for this?

I have done private catering - everything from dinner parties, to weddings, to batch cooking for people who are infirm - and I got paid for all of these jobs. No drugs in sight. Nice clients, calm working environment. I did menu planning, nutritional recommendations, costing, procurement of ingredients, clean up etc

I was never so happy in my life. No drugs at all involved. Just enjoying my work.

I guess I am just challenging your view of a chef because you seem absolutely certain it will end in drug/alcohol abuse and it will be ruinous for your son whereas I would have thought you would want to actually engage more fully with your son's interest by discussing other alternatives and helping him figure out how best to live out his passion while obviously maintaining a stable ecomonic and financial lifestyle.

Hence, referring to my previous post, I asked you to look at how first and foremost he should get some actual real live experience in a pro kitchen which is nothing like cooking at home. This should be the number one priority in my view.

I would be looking at how he can gain qualifications, go to culinary school perhaps, travel to learn about a specific cuisine in depth, or start talking to him about starting his own business.

I could be wrong but you just seem so closed to the idea. This might not work out that well in the end, I fear.

That said, I do understand your concerns (although the drugs bit is a bit exaggerated IMHO) but I was trying to make the point that it might be better to explore a bit more.

He might return to the same conclusion that you have that it's not a great career. That is much better than stifling someone's dream and all the impacts that will have on the relationship. I am speaking from experience and not trying to attack you.

I wish you and your son the best.

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