son becoming a chef

[marmaladejam1]

Am IBU to dissuade my year 10 son from becoming a chef. Main thing is they seem to die young, lots of drugs, terrible hours etc, also he has just tested in the top 3% of the state in Science, and I wonder if it would be a waste of his talents. Plus he is at selective high school and does very well, though does no homework.
Which is why I wonder ( as he just voluntarily made mini pavlovas) if that is where his heart lies. The pavlova were perfect. Crisp on the outside and soft in the middle. Swirled perfectly into large biscuit size. I'm off to eat another one but I do worry. The industry seems to be filled with drug use.

Everyone needs to cook to eat so I’d let him cook at home and hope that that’s enough to satisfy his interests and focus on smarter career options.

I know this industry. I'd encourage him to see the realities of this job.

Never seeing your kids at bedtimes or weekends
Working Christmas and new years eve
Finishing work and being wired when everyone else is asleep
Split shifts that give you a few random hours off in the middle of the day that unless you live very close to where you work, mean working hours are mental (I know chefs that have effectively worked 10am - 2am)

Culturally it can be tough
I know chefs that have slept in the restaurant because if you finish at 2, need to be in at 9, and have a commute, it's not worth going home
Lots of chefs in high end places work such long hours but are salaried so they'd actually be better off working at mcdonalds
I agree lots of chefs have drink and drug issues
Lots of chefs I know have relationship issues particularly when they have kids and their partners get sick of doing it all
Lots of stories about not being allowed to go to hospital for treatment for bad cuts or burns until after service. Stories about being threatened with the sack if take any time off sick. Lots of staffing issues, as people don't want jobs washing pots etc. Costs of ingredients and costs of running a restaurant (heating etc) are so high that they can't afford to fully staff or train people in lots of places, which is frustrating for professionally trained chefs working with people who get orders wrong, need to be talked through basics etc

Yes there are some jobs private cheffing but have to get restaurant experience first and they're often away from home (yaughts, events etc) which is great when you're young and single but maybe not when you're older

Overall its pretty brutal for very average pay and very antisocial hours. There is a reason why you don't see many older chefs

You seem to equate it with dumbing himself down. The industry is way more varied than basic mass catering. There is a lot of science in the food industry now, such as nutritional enhancements, balanced diets to suit different metabolisms and health issues, different cooking methods which are more scientific/food engineering orientated and if commercial to develop shrewd business acumen to succeed in a crowded market.

I hate to break it to you, but there are many other professions rife with drug use and burnout from long hours, including medicine, finance, media and tech.

Don’t discourage your son. Let him find his own way.

I have a family member who was a keen cook from a young age, but was discouraged - mostly by teachers but somewhat by his parents - to go to university to pursue a science degree.

He dropped out after a year and became a chef. He is still a chef. He has owned four successful fine dining restaurants and now creates and directs menus at an incredibly fancy resort complex in his home country. Loves what he does, still passionate about it. Happily married for decades, three kids.

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Culturally it can be tough
I know chefs that have slept in the restaurant because if you finish at 2, need to be in at 9, and have a commute, it's not worth going home
Lots of chefs in high end places work such long hours but are salaried so they'd actually be better off working at mcdonalds
I agree lots of chefs have drink and drug issues
Lots of chefs I know have relationship issues particularly when they have kids and their partners get sick of doing it all

All these can apply to other professions, DS works very hard in hospitality (front of house, not a chef) and I admit I had the same reservations as OP. But he has friends who are lawyers and some who work in the City who regularly have to work long hours and sleep in the office.

You could say the financial rewards are greater, but not necessarily. It can be a long time coming and I know of several people who are top lawyers and financiers and their work life balance is just as dysfunctional as any chef's.

I know a fair few chefs - none take drugs. I also know lots of bankers - a fair few take drugs. You do realise that drugs are not exclusively tied to a certain job OP? I know 2 charity workers who binge on drugs at the weekend. Being a chef - It’s long hours - it’s very, very tiring but if your son wants to and that’s his passion - I think your being quite mean to dissuade him because of some predisposed guess you have about drugs and how it’ll definitely happen to him.

There are many jobs in the industry, not all are the chaotic type scenes from the bear.
he could work in a research or tester kitchen
he could work in a much smaller restaurant with less stress
there are chef jobs that have much more normal office type hours
he could be self employed owning his own food truck etc.
there are jobs where he can use his science knowledge.

not every chef is doing drugs, not every chef is chaotic. There are many other professions where drugs are also prevalent, finance for one, it’s going to depend on the person not the job.
also working life is long these days, if he burns out he can always change careers.

if he doesn’t like doing homework and the academic side of things, is trying to persuade him into a career where that is the focus over hands on stuff going to lead to a mentally healthy young man? To me that is more likely to lead to burn out, dabbling in things, than doing a job he is fully passionate about.

You have a very warped view of chefs. It's a good job. I mean yes it's long hours but better to have a job you do a lot and enjoy, than a job you hate. Unless he finds a job that pays loads per hour and he only needs to do a few hours a week to keep a good standard of living, he'll be working maybe 35-40 hours a week. I think working that at something you don't enjoy, would be much harder than working a 60 hour week doing something you love.

My husband is a chef. Yes the hours are tough but the same goes for doctors, retail workers, firefighters, paramedics etc etc.

He has worked in many establishments and is only aware of one chef who had a coke issue and one was an alcoholic, most others did not resort to drug use!

Encourage him to get a job in a kitchen. See what its really like as a chef.

In parallel, get him to look into food adjacent jobs. I have one friend who develops the items in the M&S Christmas food cataloge. I also know several people who work for Cadburys in product development. Those roles exist in all food companies. There is also the nutrition and diet side of food. And im sure much more.

I have a posh friend who has a degree from Oxford who is a chef and he bloody loves it. In fact I don’t know any chefs with drug or drink problems - they all enjoy their work and are in demand. I’d encourage him as I reckon the world will always need chefs and he can travel anywhere in the world and find work.

thinking about it, the places I worked in with the most drug use and alcohol issues were London investment banks.

My eldest son is a chef here in France.
He did a degree in languages at university, graduated top three in his year groyp. Had a part time job in a restaurant while studying and worked his way up. He absolutely loves it. Lives and breathes food.
Yes there are drugs, yes it’s incredibly hard work, but if it’s a passion for your son let him try. If it’s really his thing he will soon know, and if he doesn’t and you push him into something else he will always resent it. People will always have to eat!

OP, I would encourage him to consider Food Scientist/Food Product Developer. You are combining chemistry and biology with the creativity of food. Food science or Food Technology are good degrees for this kind of work. It’s often in labs and test kitchens with more regular hours.

Perhaps ask him which part of being a chef excites him most?
*Creating new dishes
*Understanding why cooking works
*Feeding and helping people
*Running a food business
*The sensory/artistic side of food
This answer usually points very clearly to the right career path.

I think you’re being INCREDIBLY naive about the professions. Cocaine use is rife in law, consulting, finance, accounting, investment banking and, I suspect, medicine. As are hugely anti social hours, long hours, frayed tempers, massive egos, backstabbing, extreme pressure and high stress. Salaries will at least be better in the professions (perhaps with the exception of top/celebrity chefs).

I’ve worked with a lot of chefs and there was the odd stoner but no wild drug taking 😂
I think that era of cheffing is over. This perception sounds a bit 90s New York.
The hours are brutal and they’re massively underpaid, if anything. There’s loads of food related careers he could get in to.
Good for him for knowing his passion so young!

Being a chef in the Armed Services is also a great job.

I didn’t know Gordon Ramsay was a drug addict, behave. Drugs are a personal choice, not something your job role makes you do and I say that after years of working in hositpality I only ever knew of one chef who did drugs out of 100s!

Have you watched the Gordon Ramsey documentary that's on Netflix?

His Dad tried to discourage him from being a chef, saying that cooking was for girls. Now look at him!

My main concern would be the low pay and the long, unsociable hours. Jobs seem to be transient too, chefs are always moving on. There must be a reason for that. Maybe working conditions?

Dont be ridiculous!

This!

I know someone who works at one of the best restaurants in the world and they work in research and development. They get to experiment with food and recipes all day long. Drying vegetables and making all sorts! ( i don't know what Im talking about!) but they love it and get paid very well.

He may of course change his mind.
All my 4 dks worked while they were at school party time in a well known Race course.. kitchen and waiting staff.. oldest DD, having done various well paid careers,in banking and retail management, went to work in a niche restaurant, she was going to take over as manager,was messed about by owners,then reduced to put, because they weren't making enough money. They were letting things slide (it's got worse since she left) she didn't see the chefs taking drugs, she saw one get stressed and annoyed .. dgd 16,loved cooking that's what she wanted to do, not chef, but possibly cafe, restaurant,is now going to embark on something completely different..I was nursing, I always worked past my shift, often moved 3 wards due to lack of staff..I have worked 12 plus hours without a drink,sat on a toilet and closed my eyes through sheer exhaustion. The junior doctors frequently did 48 hours..I turned up on my own ward one night, I was the ONLY member of staff.

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Has he been watching the Gordon Ramsey documentary on Netflix?

Drugs are in all industries. I’ve come across them in every place I’ve worked. In my city days, our male sales director snorted coke, in the office off the back of the ladies toilets! The fact is he’s probably going to come across drugs at some point in his life.

I have a very good friend who’s a successful chef in a Michelin star restaurant. It’s hard, especially when you’re starting out. I liken his early stories to being in the army, where they break you down in basic training. But once you’ve earned your stripes, got a good mentor, it’s an absolutely fantastic career. You need to be mentally strong, very resilient and prepared for communication to be fast and direct.

I’d encourage open and honest communication, so he feels like he can come to you with anything and most importantly he can come to you and tell you if he decides it’s not the career for him. Most people starting out in the industry don’t stay the course.

That’s what I was going to suggest. If I could go back in time to my school days this could very well have been my chosen path.