To ask DH to consider changing hobby?

[Rigglepop]

At the minute DH plays a sport on a Monday evening 6-7pm. He plays in the city and the traffic is awful so he leaves at 5pm and gets home around 7.45pm. Pre kids this was no problem but now I’m struggling with this and I’m not sure if I’m BU.

I’ve asked if he can play the sport closer to home and/or at a later time (ie 7-8 or 8-9). The sport is available close by and at those times. He says no as he’s made friends with the guys he plays the sport with and because he is fully remote for work this is the main opportunity he gets for socialising.

For context we both work full time, he works mon to fri (based at home) and I work full time Mon-Thurs 30 mins from home (longer days because I compress full time hours over 4 days). I look after our son on my day off on a Friday to save on childcare costs. I earn considerably more than DH and wouldn’t consider changing jobs for better conditions.

On a Monday I’m out the house from 6am - 5.15pm and pick our son up from nursery on the way home. I then need to make dinner for us all, sort clothes and lunches for the next day then do bedtime.

I know I’m being unreasonable but just feeling a bit fed up. Probably because there’s no time for me to do hobbies by the time I work such long days and do the commute. Any advice and words of wisdom (or otherwise!) welcome

If he finishes work at 3 why wasn’t he starting to at least prep dinner? Does he do any chores in that time?

In your shoes I’d expect the DH to take on the cooking job. I know it’s hard/there is a skill involved etc, but it can be learnt and you can lower your standards for a bit.

if he’s free 3-5 it makes no sense for you to be cooking after 11 hours working/commuting. If he’s does this then it gives you both time for your hobbies.

I thought he finished at 5 and had to rush out. Sorry but even though I think that doesn’t change he’s right to go out and do his hobby, it does mean he should be making your life as easy as possible especially on the day he goes out

Even worse, he finishes at 3 and doesn't have the decency to throw on a meal for you coming in after 5 from work with children, and he heads off
to his hobby...and now he wants a second evening.

You couldn't make it up.
Lazy, selfish, useless.

Kindly OP, you are a spectacular mug.
Only the most desperate of women would tolerate such selfishness from a man.

Wake up before you get sick from doing it all.
What modeling for your children, mummy the total work horse, daddy the lzxy arse.

What the fuck is wrong with these men that he didn’t have a single thought on his own that he picks up the dc Wednesday because you’re at work, and you don’t get back till after he was planning to leave?! Ask him what he was thinking with that suggestion - did he just forget his children exist? Was he hoping you would flex your job yet more so he can do a hobby? Why is it your job to remind him he has children??

And why doesn’t this hour of two downtime = a load of washing and a cooked meal, just like a functioning parent. Please make changes in your marriage to a grown up child.

Do you ever have 2 hour childfree downtime @Rigglepop? Never mind an evening out socialising at least once a week

He works 7:30 - 3 at home and he does as little as he does? He needs to get a grip. Sharpish!