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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH to consider changing hobby?

308 replies

Rigglepop · 16/02/2026 20:10

At the minute DH plays a sport on a Monday evening 6-7pm. He plays in the city and the traffic is awful so he leaves at 5pm and gets home around 7.45pm. Pre kids this was no problem but now I’m struggling with this and I’m not sure if I’m BU.

I’ve asked if he can play the sport closer to home and/or at a later time (ie 7-8 or 8-9). The sport is available close by and at those times. He says no as he’s made friends with the guys he plays the sport with and because he is fully remote for work this is the main opportunity he gets for socialising.

For context we both work full time, he works mon to fri (based at home) and I work full time Mon-Thurs 30 mins from home (longer days because I compress full time hours over 4 days). I look after our son on my day off on a Friday to save on childcare costs. I earn considerably more than DH and wouldn’t consider changing jobs for better conditions.

On a Monday I’m out the house from 6am - 5.15pm and pick our son up from nursery on the way home. I then need to make dinner for us all, sort clothes and lunches for the next day then do bedtime.

I know I’m being unreasonable but just feeling a bit fed up. Probably because there’s no time for me to do hobbies by the time I work such long days and do the commute. Any advice and words of wisdom (or otherwise!) welcome

OP posts:
AlcoholicAntibiotic · 16/02/2026 20:12

YABU. It’s one day a week.

Why can’t you do a hobby on a different evening while your husband looks after the kids?

CatRescueNeeded · 16/02/2026 20:13

Is it only 1 day a week? Why can’t you do a hobby a different evening?

herbalteabag · 16/02/2026 20:15

It's fine for him to do that. It's fine for you to do that on another day and leave the house stuff to him.

FuzzyWolf · 16/02/2026 20:15

You know YABU for one day a week. Balance it out by finding something you want to do so you also get a break.

herbalteabag · 16/02/2026 20:16

On the days that I get home late from work I find it helps to have a meal already made in the freezer so there's not much to do.

crocodilesandwich · 16/02/2026 20:17

I Think YABU to ask him to stop but could he prepare dinner before he goes, put something in a slow cooker or similar? That would take the rush off you

cestlavielife · 16/02/2026 20:18

It is one night.
Take your night off
Pay for help if you need it that one evening

BigBrownBoogyingBear · 16/02/2026 20:18

YABU.

Can he sort the lunches or laundry when he gets back home - it isn't that late?

Try to carve out some time to yourself at weekends. I know you'll want to spend time as a family, but you could still have some hobby time just for you.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/02/2026 20:18

Why doesn’t he ever pick up DC with him being home based? Could he get dinner or the lunches for the next day sorted during his lunch break, or whilst he’s waiting for you to get home?

Just feels like a lot of labour has been shunted on to you, and you’re not even getting the benefit of the compressed hours in terms of getting a rest for yourself, you’re straight into childcare to save you both money. But somehow doing all the evening stuff despite working longer hours!

It feels like the hobby isn’t the real issue here.

Keroppi · 16/02/2026 20:19

He could put some dinner in slow cooker or do jacket potatoes in microwave etc for you to make Mondays go a little easier. And then he can do lunches for the next day once he's back home. I think that would be reasonable. Even freezer food out on a tray ready to be bunged in

For one day a week I'd leave it tbh think you probably are desperate for a break so think about balancing the weekend to give you some time, book a day out with your friends or fam, or find a weekly or weekend morning hobby you fancy

Soreenmaltloaf23 · 16/02/2026 20:19

You are entitled to take some time for you as well. Another evening or at the weekend. Make sure Monday dinner is either prepped on the weekend or beans/egg on toast to help a little. But also having a hobby doesn't make all domestic stuff your problem. He needs to do something when he gets in or prep some stuff on the weekend.

NomTook · 16/02/2026 20:20

Does he make dinner and/ or do nursery pick up on the other 3 days you work?

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 16/02/2026 20:22

cestlavielife · 16/02/2026 20:18

It is one night.
Take your night off
Pay for help if you need it that one evening

I agree with this. Since your dh works from home, does he prepare dinner every other night? Is this the one night when you are doing dinner?

I then need to make dinner for us all

JLou08 · 16/02/2026 20:22

YABU. Parenting solo one evening a week isn't a lot. Asking him to give up his only chance at socialising, which is a small amount of time, is very unfair. Can't you just have another evening to do your own thing?

Jk987 · 16/02/2026 20:23

I also think he can easily make dinner during the day on his break. Does he do nursery pick ups on other days?
He shouldn’t have to give up football once weekly though.

NoSoupForU · 16/02/2026 20:24

How is there no time for you to do a hobby when you're home by 5.15pm and he only has plans on one evening a week?

frozendaisy · 16/02/2026 20:25

Why can’t he sort clothes and prep dinner during his lunch break on Monday - so you have much less to do once you get home

compromise

Coconutter24 · 16/02/2026 20:26

YABU to ask that of him.
You wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask that on a Monday he prepares the evening meal for everyone before he goes or puts something in the oven so it can be left in the oven to keep warm till you arrive home

Justcallmedaffodil · 16/02/2026 20:26

YABU.

Personally, if it was me, I’d swap my non-working day to the Monday so you don’t feel so rushed on that day and put DC in nursery Tuesday-Friday.

arethereanyleftatall · 16/02/2026 20:26

You’re typing this on a Monday night, after your very tiring day, so are possibly not quite in the right place to discuss rationally!

  1. Once a week on a hobby is really not a lot. Just make sure you get time out too. Why not take an afternoon on a weekend?
  2. make your Mondays easier. Double up your Sunday food for example. So it’s already done.
  3. if you earn loads more than him, with two incomes is there not enough in the pot for a cleaner?
I don’t know many couples who both worked full time with young children tbh, but the ones that did, all outsourced cleaning.
NoisyViewer · 16/02/2026 20:26

He works from home and I can imagine this once a week activity is a life saver. Why not ask him to prep dinner for you on a Monday? Surely he gets a lunch break & he can have all his equipment and clothes ready on a Sunday to scoot out the door with after work. It takes less than five minutes to strip out of your working clothes into his sporting wear.

I do think it’s unfair to ask him to change this and I don’t think asking him to change venue is any compromise for him either. His enjoyment of the sport will be part because of the people he’s playing with.

why don’t you start a hobby? Do something that takes you out the house and evening a week. Hes barely gone for 3 hrs. He literally is in and out. If I was doing something with my mates I’d likely stop and have a drink and natter after our activity

EvangelineTheNightStar · 16/02/2026 20:28

NoSoupForU · 16/02/2026 20:24

How is there no time for you to do a hobby when you're home by 5.15pm and he only has plans on one evening a week?

This, is he doing am drop off for dc?

SemiSober · 16/02/2026 20:30

Rigglepop · 16/02/2026 20:10

At the minute DH plays a sport on a Monday evening 6-7pm. He plays in the city and the traffic is awful so he leaves at 5pm and gets home around 7.45pm. Pre kids this was no problem but now I’m struggling with this and I’m not sure if I’m BU.

I’ve asked if he can play the sport closer to home and/or at a later time (ie 7-8 or 8-9). The sport is available close by and at those times. He says no as he’s made friends with the guys he plays the sport with and because he is fully remote for work this is the main opportunity he gets for socialising.

For context we both work full time, he works mon to fri (based at home) and I work full time Mon-Thurs 30 mins from home (longer days because I compress full time hours over 4 days). I look after our son on my day off on a Friday to save on childcare costs. I earn considerably more than DH and wouldn’t consider changing jobs for better conditions.

On a Monday I’m out the house from 6am - 5.15pm and pick our son up from nursery on the way home. I then need to make dinner for us all, sort clothes and lunches for the next day then do bedtime.

I know I’m being unreasonable but just feeling a bit fed up. Probably because there’s no time for me to do hobbies by the time I work such long days and do the commute. Any advice and words of wisdom (or otherwise!) welcome

Take up a hobby on Saturday morning

You will probably say it will eat into your family time over the weekend (as it’s only the women who care about that) but it’s good for men to understand the importance of ‘equality/ balance’. It might even encourage him to do his hobby closer to home.

ImPamDoove · 16/02/2026 20:30

One evening a week? You’re being very unreasonable.

Okiedokie123 · 16/02/2026 20:32

I think yabu to ask him to ditch his hobby which is also his weekly social opportunity.
But...... "I pick our son up from nursery on the way home. I then need to make dinner for us all, sort clothes and lunches for the next day then do bedtime." - why are you doing ALL of that? Why isnt he helping 50/50. Then you would have quite a bit more time!