Who is in the wrong here?

[Mumof2soon2be3]

i am just over 36 weeks pregnant and have 2 older children (not with my
current partner) and my partner has 2 younger children.
on Saturday my partner worked and then went to the pub without telling me and didn’t answer his calls or messages for 4 hours (he has a history of this) then when he finally
did answer he was shouting at me for being mad. He came home got a shower and went back out returning home at 2.30 Sunday morning. During this time I started with really bad back pains and Sunday morning had a show.
Sunday we were meant to have his kids and he said he was going to pick them up but did not he ended up going out again, and did not return home and again didn’t answer calls or messages and turned his phone off.
come Monday morning I got a message saying sorry for the upset. During his time of being awol I had sent him lots of messages venting my anger and basically saying it’s not acceptable etc.
i spoke to him at 9am yesterday and he said he would call be back and didn’t all day and only asked to come home at 7ish. Come 10.30 he still isn’t back so I ask whats
going on? I’d already said we need a talk about our future on Tuesday and he understood.
he then says he hasn’t read any of my messages so will do so now at 10.45pm, he turns nasty on me for asking when he is coming home because I hadn’t slept for 2 nights and wanted to go to sleep.
anyway this turns into a massive argument and him saying it’s over and he can’t believe the things I’ve said.
I have put up with the disappearing acts for 2 years but told him before Christmas it stops or he leaves because he isn’t letting my
baby down.
also we only got back together in October after an incident caused by his drinking in early September. This caused a lot of upset and friends or family didn’t want me to take him back because of how he behaves in general not just the incident.
he always manages to try manipulate the situation and blame me and justify is awful behaviour.
anyway he has soon slipped back to his old self. Advice please?

I’m afraid they don’t, and won’t, have wonderful lives unless you make big changes. You’re in denial.

What an absolute pathetic looser. Op why haven’t you dumped him

Because she loves him 🙄

He's not going to get any better, but I think you know that.

Having a baby alone won't be easy, you'll be dead tired, but you'll probably find that it's still easier than having him there.

Time to get him out and focus on you, your children and this new baby. Wishing you all the best.

And he’s a good dad, apparently 🙄

fuck off with your judgemental comments especially about my children.
I posted on here for support not to be torn to shreds by women with obviously ‘perfect’ lives and who have never made a mistake

Bin him, tonight. It's not going to get easier

Posters are right to be concerned for your children though, you've let an abusive man into thier lives. There's no need to tell people to fuck off.

@Mumof2soon2be3 , we don't have perfect lives and some of us have made big mistakes.

Take from the thread what you like, but the general consensus is that making a baby with your partner was not a good idea.

The baby will be here soon, so good luck with the birth.

You've not just made a mistake
You're continuing to make them
Raise your standards for your daughter's sake

@Mumof2soon2be3 There are lots of comments on the thread that you have ignored that are trying to offer you support and advice.

Have you been in touch with your midwife? Are you serious about kicking him to the curb and have you contacted family or friends to support you and / or your kids?

Whats done is done and obviously you are now very pregnant with existing kids and your focus needs to be on them. Please please don't waste your life on a man who is treating you (and all the children involved) like absolute crap!

Sorry I am
cinfused his children are younger than your 2 year old. And you have been with him for 2 years.

Fuck off right back at you for knowingly saddling your innocent child with an abusive loser for a father. There is no excusing getting/staying pregnant knowing how horrific he is towards you and his existing children.

It makes me so cross that women do this, your poor kids have zero choice in the matter. If you didnt get pregnant you could have had a clean break instead you are tied to him for 18 years and your poor child for life.

She didn't say she has a 2 year old.

She has 2 children, then he has 2 children who are younger than her kids, and now they will have one together.

I have put up with the disappearing acts for 2 years but told him before Christmas it stops or he leaves because he isn’t letting my
baby down.
also we only got back together in October after an incident caused by his drinking in early September. This caused a lot of upset and friends or family didn’t want me to take him back because of how he behaves in general not just the incident.
he always manages to try manipulate the situation and blame me and justify is awful behaviour.

Read that back @Mumof2soon2be3
How in any way is that giving your children a good childhood?
Are you going to leave him for good this time?

The pregnancy wasn’t an accident I’m guessing. She did it to keep him. If it wasn’t unwanted or unplanned she could always have got a termination.

There’s a whole world of difference between having perfect lives which none of us have and knowingly shackling up, procreating with and keep running back to a cocklodging pisshead abusive cunt who is a useless father waving more red flags than the Chinese army when you have DC already.

It’s depressing as fuck that women still put themselves and their kids through this shit just to have a low life loser in their bed. And yet there’s daily threads on here from women justifying relationships with these arse holes because ‘ I love him’

I understand why you find these comments hard to hear, but you need to hear them. You need to, because I think this will be the only thing that gives you the impetus and anger to get rid of this man.

You being with this man is damaging your children’s lives. Including the unborn child.

If you can’t leave (or rather kick him out) for your own sake, do it for theirs.

Some of us grew up in setups like this so we know how your kids feel. My mom never met an abusive drunk she didn't fall for.

Don't be your kids' example of how not to parent.

I don’t think she will listen though. The one good thing is the man has said he’s had enough so at least he’s not putting her and her kids through more pain and grief.

I’m surprised you even have to ask who is in the wrong!

would you be ok with being 36 weeks pregnant and your boyfriend disappearing and turning his phone off or ignoring your calls?

No but then I would have dumped the nob two years ago when he first started messing me and my children around.

he is a good dad but has let them down historically from going out etc

He's not a good dad, then. He has a history of not putting his kids first and repeatedly letting them down. That isn't being a good dad. It just isn't.

OP, I'm really sorry you're in this situation but this man is never going to change. He is a selfish, irresponsible twat who treats you like shit and puts himself before his children, time and time again (and I assume he's also an alcoholic). He just opts out of the relationship and out of fatherhood whenever he chooses and is then horrible to you when you try to address this.

You will 100% be better off without him. I know it probably feels like the worst possible time to split, because of your pregnancy, but I honestly cannot see him bringing anything positive to your life when the baby is born. You're just going to be dealing with the same awful behaviour, but with a baby to look after. You'd be better off ditching him and focusing on your newborn when he/she arrives.

This

A good man would stay close and sober at this point in your pregnancy. You deserve someone who wants to be there to support you, not someone who adds chaos.

if you have someone else in your life that can support you through the next few weeks, that would be best. A friend or a family member might not be who you imagined by your side, but reach out if you have anyone. If you don’t, remember that you are a veteran who has done this before and you know you can do it again.