Who is in the wrong here?

[Mumof2soon2be3]

i am just over 36 weeks pregnant and have 2 older children (not with my
current partner) and my partner has 2 younger children.
on Saturday my partner worked and then went to the pub without telling me and didn’t answer his calls or messages for 4 hours (he has a history of this) then when he finally
did answer he was shouting at me for being mad. He came home got a shower and went back out returning home at 2.30 Sunday morning. During this time I started with really bad back pains and Sunday morning had a show.
Sunday we were meant to have his kids and he said he was going to pick them up but did not he ended up going out again, and did not return home and again didn’t answer calls or messages and turned his phone off.
come Monday morning I got a message saying sorry for the upset. During his time of being awol I had sent him lots of messages venting my anger and basically saying it’s not acceptable etc.
i spoke to him at 9am yesterday and he said he would call be back and didn’t all day and only asked to come home at 7ish. Come 10.30 he still isn’t back so I ask whats
going on? I’d already said we need a talk about our future on Tuesday and he understood.
he then says he hasn’t read any of my messages so will do so now at 10.45pm, he turns nasty on me for asking when he is coming home because I hadn’t slept for 2 nights and wanted to go to sleep.
anyway this turns into a massive argument and him saying it’s over and he can’t believe the things I’ve said.
I have put up with the disappearing acts for 2 years but told him before Christmas it stops or he leaves because he isn’t letting my
baby down.
also we only got back together in October after an incident caused by his drinking in early September. This caused a lot of upset and friends or family didn’t want me to take him back because of how he behaves in general not just the incident.
he always manages to try manipulate the situation and blame me and justify is awful behaviour.
anyway he has soon slipped back to his old self. Advice please?

He hasn’t changed and he never will. You know what you need to do. What an absolute waste of air he is.

Obviously he is being unreasonable... but likewise you're being unreasonable to put up.with this behaviour, subject your children to it and then get pregnant by him.

See how you seperated, he measles his way back in, went straight back to his old ways? See how he bailed on his heavily pregnant partner all weekend? See how he bailed on his existing kids all weekend? That's your future....

Leave him or kick him out and plan your life without him. He will not be there for you or your kids. He's unreliable ans a drunk.

I would find someone you trust to be your birth partner... not him. He won't be calming!

Absolutely this. These threads are too common and so depressing. The poor kids get dragged into a complete shitshow because their mum shacks up with an absolute loser and despite him waving more red flags than the Russian Army on mayday in Moscow, another child is created to be born into this shambles.

It’s so sad that too many women think any bloke better than nothing and subject their kids to these arseholes.

Advice? leave him, what else would you expect us to say

YABU - why have a baby with this man? He sounds awful and has a problem with alcohol.

Get rid of her will won't change ,,been their and got the t shirt .
You will have so many sleepless nights, crappy weekends and no money ,,he will drain the life out of you .
Mine disappeared when I was in labour 5 weeks premature this thread took me back to that time 🤢.
Good luck x

@liamharha im sorry that happened to you. I can see that’s what would happen here too, I know what I need to do. I just feel so embarrassed and stupid x
to be honest i will be much better off financially without him anyway

Obviously hes a dick and Obviously YABU for having a child with someone like that. He already has 2 that he is probably neglecting. Voted YANBU because it happens to the best of us? Sorry about you shit situation. 😥xxx

I had one of these - he was going out drinking and shagging about.

Sorry OP, put you and baby first.

Who do YOU think is the wrong?

What on earth OP...? One day you'll have your DC to answer to if you continue putting up with this. If you feel ashamed now that is nothing in comparison to what you'll feel then. You are at a very important crossroads......

Thanks for your replies. I do understand everyone saying just leave him and I shouldn’t have got pregnant knowing what he’s like, but I do love him and I really thought he wanted to change.
he is a good dad but has let them down historically from going out etc,
it’s hard because I feel trapped and alone. His manipulation and gas lighting makes me doubt whether I’m the problem.
I know what I need to do.

@tuvamoodyson him but he has the ability to make me doubt myself and pass the blame

Honestly op it'll be a weight of your shoulders and so much more healthier for you and your little ones ,,do t let him steal them first few weeks of you newborn with his pathetic behaviour,,you will need your peace and sleep without worrying about a man child x

@liamharha when we separated in September I was 14/15 weeks pregnant and I was heartbroken and scared of having to do it all by myself but I know it will be better than this. Thank you xx

I'm not really sure what advice you want OP. You know what you need to do.

I've got an inkling that when the anger wears off he'll be able to talk you round though.

Just to be clear @Mumof2soon2be3 .... he is not a good Dad. He left his heavily pregnant partner so he could on a bender for the weekend, and ignored you. What if you went into labour? Also he chose a day of drinking instead of seeing his kids.

He is not a good Dad.

You don't have time to be gullible and hope he'll change anymore... you are too close to giving birth. Is he on your lease?

I think it’s quite worrying you think he’s a good dad.

You’ve shown him the type of behaviour you will accept.
If you decide to stay together, this is your future. He already lets his children down and he will do the same with your baby. He already lets you down and will continue to do so.
I can only advise what I would do - end it immediately and realise I have to raise the child myself - but you will do what you will do.
I hope you make a decision that works for both you and your children.

@BudgetBuster no it my house we are luckily not financially tied.

Oh dear god. He. Is. Not. A. Good. Dad. That’s always the last resort of a woman on here who’s with an absolute loser. He’s a pathetic specimen and thinking you love him makes things worse not better. Swallow your pride and talk to your family, admit it was stupid to let him back and ask for their practical help as you approach the new baby coming.

Yes it takes time ,sometimes being alone is a scary thought especially with a baby but the damage has already been di e by him let him be someone else's problem you will look back in 6 months and realise you dodged aassive bullet x

So he’s a cocklodger as well as an appalling partner and a useless father?

Why on dearth have you set yourself such a low bar? What did you learn about relationships growing up to accept such poor standards?

I know that everyone throws the term narcissist around these days but honestly I think that’s what you’re dealing with here.
Selfishness, a lack of empathy, emotional manipulation, gaslighting… need I go on?
The trouble with these types is that as soon as you finally give up and walk away from him (which you urgently need to do, by the way) they immediately switch back to the fake nice version where they future-fake and promise it will all be better if you stay.
He will NOT change.
You said yourself you’ve seen this shitty behaviour before and thought he’d changed.
He didn’t change, he manipulated you, and he has you right where he wants you because you keep reacting but not walking away.
The advice is simple - leave now - it’s whether you are strong enough to actually do it - particularly when he realises you’re serious this time and does everything he can to reel you back in again.

Agree. Good dads don’t let their kids down to go on the piss regularly.

Honestly these threads depress the life out of me.