Mixed sex changing rooms?

[Whatschanged]

Has something changed in society around changing/fitting rooms in shops or have I just had two unusual incidents? Or am I being ridiculous?!

A couple of weeks ago I was in the adult men’s section of Next with my 13 year old son, he needed to try on some jeans, a very tall but slim lad, so definitely doesn’t fit in the children’s section anymore. Men’s is upstairs with the homeware, women’s and kids downstairs, both floors have changing rooms. He went in to try them on and I waited completely outside by the lifts. While I was waiting an adult woman walked in the changing rooms to try something on, I was quite surprised, and gave her an odd look (very British of me, sorry) but she blanked me. I thought, well it’s not the end of the world but I’d be a bit more shocked at a grown man going in the changing room downstairs next to the women's clothes when my 13 year old daughter was in their alone (I don't have daughters though).

This weekend I was in M&S, women’s and children’s clothing downstairs, and there is a fitting room, women’s underwear and men’s clothing and cafe upstairs, there is a fitting room by the men’s clothes and a fitting room my the women’s underwear. I went in the fitting rooms by the women’s underwear to try some bras on, and there was a lady loitering around the cubicles, when I got in I heard what I presume was a little boys voice, perhaps about 6 years old and a grown mans voice (could have been an older teenager or a fully grown man, I never saw them, but a broken, older mans voice). The ‘man’ was helping the ‘boy’ with the clothes and the woman was outside the cubicle asking how it was going etc. I was really surprised, why wasn’t the grown man with the boy in the men’s changing room? Or why wasn’t the woman (presume mum) in there with him?! I was there with my boobs out, what if I wanted a fitting? M&S has lockable doors but Next it’s just curtains.

So I just thought perhaps something has changed and now people just wonder in whatever fitting room they fancy, or is this a bit weird?

YANBU – men should go in men’s, women in women’s, children that require assistance should go in whatever changing room matches the adult.

YABU – stop being so precious, you’re normally in individual locked cubicles anyway so what on earth does it matter!

Yes, the dishonest, insults and misrepresentation is a sight to behold. It demonstrates that PP has no argument and knows it.

I just find it bizarre that some (presumably) women are so determined to prioritise every whim of men over the safety and dignity of women and girls at all costs.

My dh would be having a conversation with anybody’s dh if he found him entering a female only space as would I if I thought it was safe.

Was this one?

“Smelling salts” “hysterical” - you really really don’t like us do you.

The lengths to which you are prepared to go to insult and deny women who want single sex spaces is astonishing.

Is my teenage DD ‘hysterical’ if she feels horribly uncomfortable and intimidated bumping into an adult man in what should be a female only space?

Calling women ‘hysterical’ has been known since language began. It is the oldest known way for men to shut women down.

I wonder if men who believe they feel like women realise they must be prone to hysteria in that case, according to their own presumptions?

( Even though they have no womb which in ancient times was thought to be the cause.)

The obvious reason is presumably that the kids' section is usually located next to the women's clothing section & changing room. If it was the kid trying on, why shouldn't they stay there rather than traipsing to the men's?

I sort of understand your points but I find your comparisons concerning.

Don’t you think that given the prevalence of sexual assault and horrendous impact it can have on women’s lives, that we should be pushing for more single sex spaces to a) improve safety and b) reduce upset rather than just shrugging and saying ‘well they can go elsewhere’ like it’s a colour preference?

What happens when there are no more alternatives? When all the single sex spaces are gone? Traumatised women just have to suck it up?

Traumatised women just have to suck it

Seems to be the logical conclusion alright.

what do you mean, I don't like "you"?

Women who are so bitterly angry and hating "men"? no, indeed, I don't like you much. As a woman, I don't agree with any of it as it is, as a mother of boys, I can not defend or agree with that hatred.

I didn't insult anyone, I just do not agree with the concept of "single sex space" IN THE CONTEXT OF SHOPS CHANGING ROOM - I write it in capital letter to make sure you don't make me say what I didn't.

I am against communal changing room as it is, I am surely not defending mixed sex communal changing room anywhere, school, sports facilities etc. I can't help noticing that it's all about FEMALE only space - you don't seem to be bother by teenage boys being horribly uncomfortable bumping into girls or women?

As I said, I've seen a lot of women in and out male changing room! Funny it doesn't seem to bother anyone.

And no one has replied, if we expect to have strict "female only" changing rooms (against, in shops), what do we do about pre-teen boys, or dads with their daughters? (or disabled adults who need their partner to help?)

if people are "traumatised" or offended for unreasonable reasons, we don't have to expect the world to take unnecessary and unreasonable steps for them. Where would it stop?

Not even going into the issue of arbitrarily deciding on behalf of someone else if they are male/ female/ non-binary. Mixed sex (but private individual) changing areas solve all the problems.

You think women who've been raped and want single sex changing spaces have been 'traumatised for unreasonable reasons'.

Seriously?

I missed your question earlier. It’s incredibly easy to answer. You have some mixed spaces set aside for just those kind of scenarios as well as maintaining single sex spaces as the main provision. Nothing in your mixed-sex family examples in any way provides an argument for doing away with single sex spaces.

Your mixed sex group examples are actually imo quite rare. I’ve got 3 boys eldest is 16 now and in all that time I’ve never felt a burning need for a mixed sex changing room to accommodate us. When they’re little you choose their size by eye. You know their bodies so well it’s easy. As they get older they can go in the appropriate single sex changing rooms themselves. But as I say I have absolutely no objection to some mixed sex provision in addition which people can choose to use or not.

You really didn’t ask a difficult question there.

(By the way, you’ll have noticed the fact that I’m a mother of three adored boys in no way prevents me from holding the views I’ve put forward on this thread. It’s a mind-fuck isn’t it? Maybe it’s because wanting to protect women only spaces in no way equates to thinking all men are rapists. )

When a man with a right to exist chooses to enter what should be a woman only single sex space a woman is to blame for not checking his ID.
huh? that makes no sense.

You dont understand?

AnSolas · Today 01:05
....
Most of us are will not ask for ID documents to check if a person is male or female. If you pretend it's obvious, you need to get out more.

When a man with a right to exist chooses to enter what should be a woman only single sex space a woman is to blame for not checking his ID.

What is a father teaching his daughter when he makes his choice to follow her into what should be a woman only single sex space?

Let me help you a little with this ^

You are beside a door which is marked "women" .
The door leads to another space.

What do you believe such a sign means in respect to the space on the other side of the door?
Eg

□ both sex are welcome to enter this space

□ if you decide you are a woman you are welcome to entre this space.

□ if you decide you are a woman you are welcome to entre this space once you are with a woman.

□ if you know you are not a woman you are still welcome to enter this space.

□ if you know you are not a woman you are still welcome to enter this space once you are with a woman.

□ this is a women only single sex space do not enter if you are not a woman.

Next questions :

You see a person¹ (who is a stranger to you) look at the sign and walk through the door.

When did you make the decision which promoted the stranger to walk through the door?

How did you communicate your decision to the stranger?

¹ using your example of father choosing to follow his daughter into what should be a woman only single sex space?

I missed this earlier.

You have a very odd view of me and women sharing my views. I am certainly not bitterly angry and hating “men” (not sure why you needed the quotes). I love my husband and other men in my life very much and I am also a mother of a son.

My DH shares my views on single sex spaces, partly because he knows even better than me that some men are like. He is a decent man who respects women’s boundaries and is aware that even though he has no bad intentions, his presence in various spaces can make some women uncomfortable.

As I said, I've seen a lot of women in and out male changing room! Funny it doesn't seem to bother anyone. take a brief minute to consider why that might be.

Your words are those not bolded just below: yes insulting.

ThatCraftySquid · Today 08:50
What should women do if they see that a man with a right to exist has choosen to enter what should be a woman only single sex space?
not become hysterical and pretend he's a potential rapist for a start?

And no one has replied, if we expect to have strict "female only" changing rooms (against, in shops), what do we do about pre-teen boys, or dads with their daughters? (or disabled adults who need their partner to help?) if you read the thread, these have been answered.

i do hope you are bringing up your boys to respect women and our boundaries - they’ll be better off in the long run. And not telling your dh it’s ok for him to ignore them either.

You are not likely to attempt an answer this ^ as it would be [(edit) awkwark👀] awkward as I can see you laughted at this case on another thread.

ThatCraftySquid · 20/01/2026 19:58

ParmaVioletTea · 20/01/2026 16:22
It has been one of our most effective safeguards for public spaces, we used to know all this. I don’t understand why people dismiss that.

Indeed! Your point @BundleBoogie is the answer to those people who say "Well, a sign saying "Women" won't stop a rapist"
Signs saying women used to deter most men, and those men who ignored the sign used to be pulled up sharply by women, and turned out, and the women knew they had the right to deter all men. Nowadays, they know they run the risk of having the police knock on their door.

of course most of us won't "pull up sharply" a man just for existing, dont' be so ridiculous.

We are perfectly able to recognise and try to do something if we witness an attempted rape - even if it's just dialling 999, but no one - or most of us - are not so precious that we need smelling salt if we see a man.
....

And here where you misquote @ParmaVioletTea while telling her she (and other women) is being ridiculous by placing yourself in a majority most of us (women not ridiculous like her) ^group and stating that you are perfectly able to recognise and try to do something if you witness an attempted rape.

It rather underlines where you place women in the social order.

And here :

ThatCraftySquid · 20/01/2026 19:58
..
Most of us are will not ask for ID documents to check if a person is male or female. If you pretend it's obvious, you need to get out more.

Where you as a member of your majority most of us (women not ridiculous like her) group continue to defend the choice and action of a transgressor by removing their personal responsibility for their choices and actions.

You want the women who are bitterly angry and hating "men" advocating for single sex spaces to advocate for single sex spaces your children?

When you have made it abundently clear that you dont agree the concept ?

concept of "single sex space" IN THE CONTEXT OF SHOPS CHANGING ROOM - I write it in capital letter to make sure you don't make me say what I didn't.

And to answer your question the law provides for disability provision by imposing an obligation on shops provide appropiate space and adaptions which will often be called "third" spaces.

@BundleBoogie · Yesterday 11:41
..
Don’t you ( @toomuchfaff )think that given the prevalence of sexual assault and horrendous impact it can have on women’s lives, that we should be pushing for more single sex spaces to
a) improve safety and
b) reduce upset rather than just shrugging and saying ‘well they can go elsewhere’ like it’s a colour preference?
What happens when there are no more alternatives? When all the single sex spaces are gone? Traumatised women just have to suck it up?

@TheKeatingFive · Yesterday 12:31
Traumatised women just have to suck it
Seems to be the logical conclusion alright.

@ThatCraftySquid · Yesterday 12:35

if people are "traumatised" or offended for unreasonable reasons, we don't have to expect the world to take unnecessary and unreasonable steps for them. Where would it stop?

Not even going into the issue of arbitrarily deciding on behalf of someone else if they are male/ female/ non-binary. Mixed sex (but private individual) changing areas solve all the problems.

And if you want "fourth" spaces why are you basing your advocacy on the removal of single sex spaces?

I actually thought, when you complained ‘nobody has replied… etc’ that you cared about the answer, and would listen to it. But clearly not, as I answered you within 2 hours and that was about 26 hours ago. Bit ironic to complain you haven’t had a question answered and then totally ignore someone who’s bothered to reply.

Ghislaine Maxwell and Myra Hindley come to mind.