Mixed sex changing rooms?

[Whatschanged]

Has something changed in society around changing/fitting rooms in shops or have I just had two unusual incidents? Or am I being ridiculous?!

A couple of weeks ago I was in the adult men’s section of Next with my 13 year old son, he needed to try on some jeans, a very tall but slim lad, so definitely doesn’t fit in the children’s section anymore. Men’s is upstairs with the homeware, women’s and kids downstairs, both floors have changing rooms. He went in to try them on and I waited completely outside by the lifts. While I was waiting an adult woman walked in the changing rooms to try something on, I was quite surprised, and gave her an odd look (very British of me, sorry) but she blanked me. I thought, well it’s not the end of the world but I’d be a bit more shocked at a grown man going in the changing room downstairs next to the women's clothes when my 13 year old daughter was in their alone (I don't have daughters though).

This weekend I was in M&S, women’s and children’s clothing downstairs, and there is a fitting room, women’s underwear and men’s clothing and cafe upstairs, there is a fitting room by the men’s clothes and a fitting room my the women’s underwear. I went in the fitting rooms by the women’s underwear to try some bras on, and there was a lady loitering around the cubicles, when I got in I heard what I presume was a little boys voice, perhaps about 6 years old and a grown mans voice (could have been an older teenager or a fully grown man, I never saw them, but a broken, older mans voice). The ‘man’ was helping the ‘boy’ with the clothes and the woman was outside the cubicle asking how it was going etc. I was really surprised, why wasn’t the grown man with the boy in the men’s changing room? Or why wasn’t the woman (presume mum) in there with him?! I was there with my boobs out, what if I wanted a fitting? M&S has lockable doors but Next it’s just curtains.

So I just thought perhaps something has changed and now people just wonder in whatever fitting room they fancy, or is this a bit weird?

YANBU – men should go in men’s, women in women’s, children that require assistance should go in whatever changing room matches the adult.

YABU – stop being so precious, you’re normally in individual locked cubicles anyway so what on earth does it matter!

Don’t think so…

live near Southampton on the south coast

yes, commonly also seen in high schools and in local authority ran leisure facilities (not the mixed sex changing areas but the toilets). Also in pubs and other public spaces.

It's actually a safety feature.

Full floor to ceiling changing cubicles and toilets are a health and safety risk.

The mentality that the first thought is to mention head and gap sizes to trivialise and minimise the behaviour of a perverted man just says it all. I’m glad it’s there for all to see.

other things interest me. The leap to asking one of us who prefer women's spaces to be single sex if we bathe topless was a good one too.

I do think this is part of the problem though

people talk about cubicles and cos they are floor to ceiling assume everyones are and can’t figure out why other posters have a problem with them

and the other way around

its like one poster being 62 and never having been in a single sex changing room…i find it very hard to see how thats even possible

Yes

weird question…obviously the gap was big enough for him to get his head through

It's actually a safety feature

also this…

I've been reading this whole thread and a few women already have shared their own stories about sexual assault and why single sex spaces are important and it's quite horrifying to see a certain poster reply flippantly to them and also minimise and deflect. "Did he have a tiny head"? is NOT the first thing I'd have expected to see as a response to a woman talking about her friend being violated. So instead I will post what should have been the reply; I'm so sorry this happened to your friend @RufustheFactuaIReindeer . I've had worse happen and thankfully managed to escape the assault (I was grabbed and the cubicle locked behind me and pushed against the wall but another women noticed him following me into the women's toilets and alerted staff). It's made me wary since, and for good reason. This erosion of women's boundaries is just awful and it is disappointing that there are women who go along with it.

I pulled my curtain back in the Next changing room to find a man stood outside. He’d come in to the women’s room and was waiting for a woman behind another curtain.
I don’t know if there were gaps in my curtain. Bit late now. I wish he’d waited outside the whole area on the chairs provided.

Thank you hags

it was quite late at night and ‘luckily’ there was an off duty police officer there who grabbed him when she screamed

very nasty experience and yours must have been horrific 💐

And some had cubicles that were individual, but with louvred swing doors like a saloon in a western, that opened straight into the shop where people were browsing. They only had a flimsy hook and eye type fastening and came open if you so much as nudged them.

I have a vivid memory of losing my balance trying on a pair of jeans and ending up in the shop, staggering, with jeans round my knees and my knickers on show to everyone.

Thank you, Jean Genie (or possibly Jean Machine) and apologies to anyone who was traumatised by the sight.

@Differentforgirls

Men do not belong in female changing rooms.

And yes, the Marks and Spencer store that we were at, in Gloucester, did indeed have bra fitting taking place in their changing rooms, in the underwear section.

As another poster said, do you even have a teenage daughter?

The problem was never trans people but mra's and those pretending to be trans.

When DD went for her bra fitting, I had to be with her, the fitter couldn't do a child (under 16) without a parent/,responsible adult present.

My MIL takes my niece as she thought it was better than her dad taking her.

This just gives me the rage. Your inability to consider the needs of other women and girls is breathtaking. I was in a Zara women's changing room with my 11 year old daughter. She is very developed for her age and crippled with anxiety. Despite the best efforts of the shop assistant who tried to keep men out, women like you insisted on trying to sneak their partners in. At once stage there were three men in there despite the assistant asking them to leave! My daughter was stood on the other side of a flimsy curtain desperately trying to hold the ill fitting sides closed. I mean what is that even about? Are young women so pathetic now days that they can't even buy an item of clothes without male approval? Take a selfie ffs! The only reason I didnt go absolutely mental at these idiots and their idiot girlfriends was because my daughter saw my face and begged me not to. Poor pet was humiliated enough at that stage. Welcome daughter to this brave new world!

Completely agree. My partner would rather die than hang about the women’s (when such a thing existed) changing room waiting for me, let alone come in with me, because he’s decent. It’s also quite cringe inducing.

And I’ve never thought to come out showing him what I’m trying on for his approval. Occasionally at home we’ve both tried on what we’ve bought and said ‘this is what I got today’.

What a horrible comment, implying that someone who has ‘triggers’ should push off, to make way for what? Essentially men who want to go anywhere they like. Estimates are that 1 in 3 women have been sexually assaulted. This is a large proportion of customers and a large section of society to dismiss.

knowing that you were there too, you could have prevented all this drama and hold the ill fitting curtains yourself.

And because you made that point, I'll make that one:

One of the many reason why we should have mixed sex changing rooms like most shops have, is also for these kids who only have a dad (and yes, I do have very specific examples in mind).

Better cubicles and mixed sex changing rooms is an easy solution, no more drama, no more ridiculous fights about non-binary/ transexuals etc. (because in real life, how on earth do you expect a shop to CHECK the sex/ gender of their customer!)

but as a mum, I wouldn't rather die than hanging around the men's changing rooms when my kids are shopping .

If people believe any over-8 year old belongs in the adult section, then the parent will tag along. It's beyond ridiculous to imagine 10 yo (boys or girls) shop alone. Most of them are even too young to shop with friends!

If a dad wants to hang around his own daughter, he's absolutely entitled to do so.

There are changing rooms in kids sections. No child needs to try clothes on in adult fitting rooms.

When my kids were young i used to judge size by eye and the age on the label in any event. My kids didn't have the patience to go around trying on clothes for style.

Cant justify your post so deflect with the personal blame deflection.

No, he’s absolutely not entitled to hang about his own daughter in the women’s changing rooms.

Ah the genital inspection argument.

Oddly enough it's not necessary if men just refrain from entering spaces that legally exclude them.

It's also not necessary because it is possible to correctly sex humans males with astonishing accuracy.

None of that is a valid argument for removing single sex spaces.

Wow, deleted! When another poster is allowed to mock experiences of sexual abuse and/or suggest that such experiences are not true (the tiny head comment).