Brother-in-law and his wife with my 2 year old, really mad.

[runner711]

Hi,

To preface this - my husband and I have a slightly rocky relationship with his brother's wife but since I've had my daughter (she's 2) things seemed to have mellowed a bit, and I always thought they were great with my daughter the few times they've met her (they live overseas).

Unfortunately a couple of instances this Christmas when they were visiting really changed this, and I feel so strongly about it that I'm unsure I want to visit them again or trust them with my daughter, am I justified?

1. My daughter was sick over the Christmas period, she got the horrible flu that's going around, so has been understandably a bit volatile. On Christmas day she had a bit of a meltdown at the dining table and ran off to cry on the sofa nearby (I followed to comfort her). Turns out my brother-in-law's wife took a photo of said meltdown and posted it to her 'secret instagram account' with her closest friends, with a caption over the top of it saying 'LOL Xmas drama'.

We only found out about this (I don't have Instagram, and my husband didn't know about this account) because my husband saw a screenshot of the photo on his brothers phone and asked him wtf it was. His brother told him, and then tried to justify it by saying 'she only posted it to her stories' and 'the only people who can see it are her close friends and me'.

I was FURIOUS and SO upset. I don't understand how anyone could be so awful and see a distressed, sick child and think to themselves 'Oh I'll take a picture and make a joke out of it'. I also don't understand why my brother-in-law took a screenshot of it, what on earth was he planning on doing with this!?

I would also add that we have told them MULTIPLE times that we are not comfortable having our daughter posted on any social media by anyone, so can they please refrain from doing so even if it's a group photo.

2. On their last morning, they had some tiny packets of haribo sweets. My daughter was interested in what they were (like any normal 2 year old) and we politely asked if they wouldn't mind keeping the haribo away from her because she doesn't know what they are and we don't want her having them. I then left the room for all of 30 seconds to grab something, and when I came back the wife was crouched down holding a pack of haribo next to my daughter and laughing. She saw me and hid the packet behind her back and backed away sniggering.

I was SO angry and opened my daughters mouth to see she was eating something which looked like haribo as it was sticky and colourful. My brother-in-law told me it wasn't haribo, and my daughter was pestering them so much about what they were that they gave her a smartie to keep her happy (I was around the corner and hadn't heard any words exchanged at all, so this is simply a lie) ... it was 830am!!!

I'm still so upset and mad but I don't know if this is clouded by my former opinions of them as people and previous clashes we've all had..

Thanks if you've made it this far!

Some posters will try and justify the BIL and SIL behaviour, maybe as they'd do the same, but all that matters is how you feel. They are out of order for all of it. She's their niece. They should love and care for her. Not use her for lols and likes. Game over for me. Especially with keeping her off SM.

Absolutely go NC

Both the photo and sweets are weird and undermining to you as parents. Personally they sound immature. They don’t respect you or your home.

Definitely limit contact, she sounds vile and very childish too.
Is she 21 with a coke problem perhaps?

How old are they?! My 10 year old wouldn’t behave like that.

I hope your SIL never has kids!

She posted pictures of an ill 2 year old on her SM for her "friends" to mock without your consent.

I'd nuke that bitch from space for that.

Tell her that video is taken down and anything else she's posted of your child. She never will have permission to take any pictures of your child and post them.

I think you can contact the SM and request that unauthorized pics of minors be taken down. People are not supposed to be posting unauthorized pics of minors and she knows that. She's just a bitch.

Then go no contact with she and bro. Don't care what the family says, she used your kid on SM when she was sick to be a bitch. Those are the actions of someone who dislikes you intensely, is shallow and stupid, and has no respect.

I have a family member like this.

It’s taken me a long time to realise that my children are nothing but a pawn in a game. They don’t care about the kids, they’re just a useful tool to undermine and disrespect me, a way of getting away with winding me up whilst pretending to be the fun relative.

People you spend time with should want the best for you and your children. They shouldn’t enjoy being cruel.

I'd cut contact. If they don't respect basic things now, they never will. My SIL posted a picture of DD in her swimsuit on her Instagram. I don't follow her and DH is rarely on Instagram. He found out in the midst of a family fall out (instigated by her). DH told her to remove the image, and she blocked him on Instagram in response.

There were numerous other incidents of SIL being a dick, and we decided to cut contact in late 2024 to protect our peace, and most importantly protect our child.

@runner711 they have no respect for you and they also get off on mocking a toddler .
I’d be going NC with them . They are toxic

You're definitely not being unreasonable. As well as being disrespectful of your reasonable and safety-focused boundaries, there's something deeply creepy about both these things. The silent giving of sweets and giggling... I don't know... there's something weird about that. It's not like she was doing it in a 'fun, slightly naughty-auntie' way, it's more like the bullying teen way. And I don't like the phone screenshot either. Weird. Wouldn't have these people near my kids.

That is not ok behaviour by them. So - they don't get invited back, or only when your DD is in bed.

You repeat that they are not allowed to post photos of her on the internet, and to make sure you won't be sending them any and they are not to take any themselves. Be very firm on this.

And play the long game. If/when they have a child - do the same to them. (but not posting pictures on the net)

Pair of assholes 😒

My eldest had never had a gummy sweet at 2, choking hazard and absolutely nothing but sugar and e numbers. Youngest probably had had a sweet by 2 because she'd get stuff of her brother but I can't be sure. I deliberately don't have those kind of sweets. Haribo and fruit shoot type drinks really affect my eldests behaviour (likely ASD and ADHD) but I do allow other things like chocolate and even other jelly things like jelly tots or marshmallows as they don't seem to impact him. Youngest nothing effects her behaviour but I don't like those items now because of eldest so haribo especially is kind of the devil to me. She does love jelly tots though at 4 and they are handy bribe/distraction when needed but still bottom of the list for treat foods.

All that aside yanbu they sound very immature. Are they very young?

No 1 would be a dealbreaker for me; I wouldn't want to have them in my house again. I was initially wondering if perhaps they might not have any other friends or family members with children and therefore wouldn't have thought through the issues of posting a child's picture online (even so, their actions sound really mean-spirited) but as you've clarified we have told them MULTIPLE times that we are not comfortable having our daughter posted on any social media by anyone - no WAY; they knew and they still did whatever they wanted at your daughter's expense. Their amusement was more important than her safety, dignity, or privacy. It doesn't matter if THEY thought it was OK and your objections were irrational; it was not their choice to make.

The Haribo thing - I can possibly see how it happened, but the girlfriend's reaction when caught is unusually rude and odd. If there WAS a good explanation, why not explain immediately rather than mugging and performing?

If you really want your DD to binge on sweets whether Haribo or not the best way to do it is to deny them. Regulated sweets, e.g. Saturdays, is much better. Do not clean teeth immediately after eating sweets (or fruit, in fact) of course, as the enamel is softened by acide produced in the mouth. Wait an hour or so.
I wouldn't take photos of someone else's child and I would be a bit annoyed if someone did so without asking. But you are being a bit OTT re the sweets.

What a pair of dickheads they are.

Both are not ok! I would be more furious about the photo on social media, but the sweet thing and the being secretive about it is annoying.

Yanbu. What unpleasant disrespectful behaviour, I agree I wouldn’t want them around my dc again.

In an ideal world, the video would be removed, an apology would be forthcoming and your relatives would catch on to themselves. But that's not really the issue IMO - it's more that both are an indication that you won't be respected or listened to, which in another situation could be dangerous for your daughter. I'd concentrate on that rather than your (understandable) anger.

They do not care about your child. They see her as a source of entertainment rather than a person. I think this says a lot about their characters and I'd not want my child to be spending time with them.

Well safe to say they don’t respect you and think your parenting style is a bit of a joke. Are they young, cool types with no dc themselves yet? I find karma arrives pretty quickly when these people reproduce. Or is your parenting a bit needlessly strict and ott at times and they’re reacting to that? Either way you’re within your rights to be pissed off about this.

The social media thing is unforgiveable cut her off.
Who on earth posts family children on sm, with comments like that.

Why does she even think they would be interested in seeing her post.

She's trouble. There will always be something. You cant trust her not to take pics. Ger rid. No loss, and tell her to delete the photos.

I'd be furious, about posting the photo and the sweets. While it wouldn't have bothered me personally about my DD having sweets like that during christmas, the fact they deliberately gave her the sweets the moment your back was turned is a slap in the face. Utterly disrespectful and definitely done to as a 'F you' in my opinion.

The photo, I'd be willing to go no contact over if they didn't apologise. I don't post my daughter on SM (you wouldn't know I had a child if you only knew me on SM). How horrible to post a toddler's meltdown like that. Such a nasty thing to do.

I would also be fuming about the social media thing, that’s such a nasty thing to do. I would feel the same as you do tbh.