Brother-in-law and his wife with my 2 year old, really mad.

[runner711]

Hi,

To preface this - my husband and I have a slightly rocky relationship with his brother's wife but since I've had my daughter (she's 2) things seemed to have mellowed a bit, and I always thought they were great with my daughter the few times they've met her (they live overseas).

Unfortunately a couple of instances this Christmas when they were visiting really changed this, and I feel so strongly about it that I'm unsure I want to visit them again or trust them with my daughter, am I justified?

1. My daughter was sick over the Christmas period, she got the horrible flu that's going around, so has been understandably a bit volatile. On Christmas day she had a bit of a meltdown at the dining table and ran off to cry on the sofa nearby (I followed to comfort her). Turns out my brother-in-law's wife took a photo of said meltdown and posted it to her 'secret instagram account' with her closest friends, with a caption over the top of it saying 'LOL Xmas drama'.

We only found out about this (I don't have Instagram, and my husband didn't know about this account) because my husband saw a screenshot of the photo on his brothers phone and asked him wtf it was. His brother told him, and then tried to justify it by saying 'she only posted it to her stories' and 'the only people who can see it are her close friends and me'.

I was FURIOUS and SO upset. I don't understand how anyone could be so awful and see a distressed, sick child and think to themselves 'Oh I'll take a picture and make a joke out of it'. I also don't understand why my brother-in-law took a screenshot of it, what on earth was he planning on doing with this!?

I would also add that we have told them MULTIPLE times that we are not comfortable having our daughter posted on any social media by anyone, so can they please refrain from doing so even if it's a group photo.

2. On their last morning, they had some tiny packets of haribo sweets. My daughter was interested in what they were (like any normal 2 year old) and we politely asked if they wouldn't mind keeping the haribo away from her because she doesn't know what they are and we don't want her having them. I then left the room for all of 30 seconds to grab something, and when I came back the wife was crouched down holding a pack of haribo next to my daughter and laughing. She saw me and hid the packet behind her back and backed away sniggering.

I was SO angry and opened my daughters mouth to see she was eating something which looked like haribo as it was sticky and colourful. My brother-in-law told me it wasn't haribo, and my daughter was pestering them so much about what they were that they gave her a smartie to keep her happy (I was around the corner and hadn't heard any words exchanged at all, so this is simply a lie) ... it was 830am!!!

I'm still so upset and mad but I don't know if this is clouded by my former opinions of them as people and previous clashes we've all had..

Thanks if you've made it this far!

Look, you have said that hubby plus yourself have never quite gelled with SIL and I honestly don't think she even vaguely likes you plus baby, who SIL with husbands tacit approval is horrible to because she can't do it to you two but an innocent trusting baby becomes fair game especially if you dislike the parents
She's got no respect or boundaries for either of you and I'm wondering just how well the two brothers really got on
I personally don't think they'll ever apologise for what's happened so if I were you I'd reiterate their wrongdoings to them and say you don't trust something worse to happen if ever they see your daughter again so you're cutting ties completely
Your SIL has a warped spiteful streak about her and thinks if she doesnt like you youre fair game; Give her no chances

I think I’d put a picture of them on your social media with “most useless aunt and auntie ever” as the title. And when they complain say it was a joke and only your friends will see it.

Wow I’m totally overwhelmed with the responses and appreciate everyone’s input! Glad to know we’re not up on our high horse over here!

My husband has tried to speak to his brother with no luck unfortunately. He got this back:

‘I wouldn’t be so sensitive myself. It’s quite common you know, laughing at pictures of kids crying. Why do you keep going on about it? FYI wifes name is now really annoyed at you’

will not host them again, will not visit them again, will not trust them with my child again as they clearly see nothing wrong with their behaviour. Disappointing but hey ho.

for those that asked - they are in their early 30s with no kids but apparently want them ..

Stick a photo of her looking rough on instagram and let rip about what a cow she is and what she did to an upset child. Get everyone to laugh at it and then make sure she knows. Seriously she sounds like a nasty cow. Bin her and your BIL off.

How old are they? They sound so immature

edited to say just seen mid 30s

super immature

"FYI 'nasty wife & aunt' is really annoyed at you" Oh dear what a pity, never mind 😁Delete & block.

FYI wifes name is now really annoyed at you’

What an excellent opportunity for them to demonstrate the proper sense of humour - if your DH asks his brother for a photo of his pissed-off wife, I'm sure they'd find it very funny indeed if you then uploaded it to the internet for all eternity with some suitably hilarious hashtags. Maybe you should suggest it.

Gaslighting fu**ers! It is NOT common to laugh at small children crying! And they should not be posting photos of your child on the internet anyway, not in any context.

The photo thing is deeply weird but you are being completely PFB about the sweets

God help there kids poor buggers if they manage to have them. This is a great opportunity to fuck them off tho they must watch some very weird videos if this is there norm.

To blatantly post a picture of your child is a huge no-no......it breaches all data protection rules.
And as for the mini haribos, they are extremely dangerous ito choking. They are both imbeciles and id have my say to them via email or message so it cannot be turned around by them. If they ever visit again I'd insist phones are locked away and not used in your home or around your child as they don't seem to understand English and cannot respect your conditions. Good luck

I don’t understand people being meh about the sweet thing. She or they deliberately went against your wishes. My sil is very similar (Dh’s sister) and once bought a whole bag of Haribo and was laughing with her Dd and saying how i’d go mad if they gave my 5 year old at the time, more. I never said to them they couldn’t, but my Dd goes nuts on sugar, which they knew and only has it sometimes and not a huge bag of bloody Haribo. It’s deliberately taking the piss and being an arsehole about it.
The posting of your wee girl to Sm as a joke, i’d be fuming
How old are they?? Sounds really immature, do you not get on with them?

I'd be furious about the Instagram thing. That feels like such a violation of your DDs privacy.

The sweets, I'd let go. We got away with DS never having a jelly until he was over 3yrs. But we knew it would eventually happen.

It’s not even as much about the child having sweets at this point though I don’t think, it’s the blatant disrespect of going against what the parents asked and the sneaking the child one and thinking it’s all so hilarious

This.
You do realise their behaviour is NOT normal?

Mocking a sick upset child and putting a photo of them up on SM is NOT normal.

It is toxic however.

You think it’s acceptable to hold a bag of sweets (but could be anything) next to a child head (or anyone’s) while laughing. Knowing that you’ve been asked to not give any to them?

it’s taunting and mean behaviour. It was also early morning, it’s not unreasonable or PFB to say you don’t want your toddler to have Haribo for breakfast.

I saw your update after I posted. The bit about 'laughing at pictures of kids crying' I do see videos online of kids having tantrums and I always think who posts that.

Not the same because it wasn't online but a picture of me was taken when I was about 4 throwing a huge tantrum - I remember it and I had good reason! That picture did the family rounds. Came out periodically and even made it out on my 21st to a big screen. When it found its way to the internet people laughed and it wasn't nice.

It is only now I have actually said to people delete that photo!

They sound foul OP

i would stay away from them

I'm pretty lapse over sweets and things like that. However If I had asked someone not to give my child sweets then they did. I'd be absolutely livid! X

People who think it’s funny to laugh at children who are distressed because they are sick are assholes. I would NEVER leave her alone with them.

They sound awful. She sounds similar to my sibling. She soon changed her tune once she had a child of her own. But too little too late, it shouldn't take her having a child herself to see how bang out of order she was with yours. Immature cow.

Ask them what kind of weird group posts photos of sick distressed kids to laugh at? Also ask if you can have a photo of his upset wife for your sister in law meltdown at Christmas group. I hope your daughter is feeling better now.

I'd return the favour when they have kids.

Give their kid tonnes of sweet shit, take tonnes of photos and give awful gifts such as slime and tonnes of glitter and encourage/help the kid to open it straight away to play with 😁

And if they say anything negative about what you were doing, tell them it's only a joke and not to be so uptight!😁

Actually I meant the parents reaction to haribo sweets was PFB parenting.

the in laws are clearly nuts.

@runner711 I’d advise your DH to ignore his brother’s response, they’re not worth bothering about if that’s their attitude.