Brother-in-law and his wife with my 2 year old, really mad.

[runner711]

Hi,

To preface this - my husband and I have a slightly rocky relationship with his brother's wife but since I've had my daughter (she's 2) things seemed to have mellowed a bit, and I always thought they were great with my daughter the few times they've met her (they live overseas).

Unfortunately a couple of instances this Christmas when they were visiting really changed this, and I feel so strongly about it that I'm unsure I want to visit them again or trust them with my daughter, am I justified?

1. My daughter was sick over the Christmas period, she got the horrible flu that's going around, so has been understandably a bit volatile. On Christmas day she had a bit of a meltdown at the dining table and ran off to cry on the sofa nearby (I followed to comfort her). Turns out my brother-in-law's wife took a photo of said meltdown and posted it to her 'secret instagram account' with her closest friends, with a caption over the top of it saying 'LOL Xmas drama'.

We only found out about this (I don't have Instagram, and my husband didn't know about this account) because my husband saw a screenshot of the photo on his brothers phone and asked him wtf it was. His brother told him, and then tried to justify it by saying 'she only posted it to her stories' and 'the only people who can see it are her close friends and me'.

I was FURIOUS and SO upset. I don't understand how anyone could be so awful and see a distressed, sick child and think to themselves 'Oh I'll take a picture and make a joke out of it'. I also don't understand why my brother-in-law took a screenshot of it, what on earth was he planning on doing with this!?

I would also add that we have told them MULTIPLE times that we are not comfortable having our daughter posted on any social media by anyone, so can they please refrain from doing so even if it's a group photo.

2. On their last morning, they had some tiny packets of haribo sweets. My daughter was interested in what they were (like any normal 2 year old) and we politely asked if they wouldn't mind keeping the haribo away from her because she doesn't know what they are and we don't want her having them. I then left the room for all of 30 seconds to grab something, and when I came back the wife was crouched down holding a pack of haribo next to my daughter and laughing. She saw me and hid the packet behind her back and backed away sniggering.

I was SO angry and opened my daughters mouth to see she was eating something which looked like haribo as it was sticky and colourful. My brother-in-law told me it wasn't haribo, and my daughter was pestering them so much about what they were that they gave her a smartie to keep her happy (I was around the corner and hadn't heard any words exchanged at all, so this is simply a lie) ... it was 830am!!!

I'm still so upset and mad but I don't know if this is clouded by my former opinions of them as people and previous clashes we've all had..

Thanks if you've made it this far!

I got that. But it’s not just the possible giving of sweets. It’s the whole set up of OP walking in on them taunting the toddler with them.

Do you think that’s PFB behaviour to be bothered by that?

Yep. Glad I'm not the only one who said it. FFS what is wrong with people?

My reply?
Only sadistic SOB's do that. You are absolutely rude and disrespectful. I'm telling you to take down the pic of my child. Now.

The sweets I’d be annoyed at as I’d asked them to not give her any, the social media post I’d have gone nuclear over. YANBU at all

Both of these things are out of order.

It’s totally irrelevant why your daughter had a meltdown, even if she’d been being completely unreasonable their taking a photo and posting it is outrageous. On top of that, they were then using it to insult her as a joke. Don’t let them see your children unsupervised ever again.

I’ve put up with quite a lot of shit from my in laws but I’d struggle to want to speak to this pair again!

The sweets could be forgivable but that instagram post has a sinister nature.
I would be furious.
LC or NC.

Report the post directly to Instagram. Tell them it is a demeaning post of your 2 year old child showing her in a private home in a state of distress, mocking her at a vulnerable moment when she would have had a reasonable expectation of privacy.
You do not consent to it being posted and as a 2 year old she is especially vulnerable to harm and later embarrassment.

She’s a really spiteful person isn’t she. I don’t blame you for distancing yourself from her.

Report the post as unauthorized pictures of your minor child.

I would trash them on their SM for posting pics of your kids for adults to mock.

They are already LC. The couple lives abroad. If they only see each other at Christmas there’s not a lot of harm can be done.

I'm annoyed for you especially the instagram posting pictures of a distressed child .
Who takes enjoyment from this I wouldn't bother with them again.

Scummy behavior

I’ve already clarified what I meant.

Wow!

Your BIL is the very definition of wrong and strong. The cheek of him to day his wife is annoyed. She does this and had the audacity to get annoying. Unbelievable!

They don't sound mature enough to be parents... so I hope they grow up if they have kids.

Awful behaviour of the both of them.

One word to describe them: MALICIOUS. And to treat a two year old like that is awful. I wouldn’t have them anywhere near my child. And now ‘she’s’ annoyed with you?!?!?!? Look up DARVO; she’s deflecting on to you.

The response you had back is a classic narcissistic response - taking no accountability for their actions and sending the blame back to you.

Thank goodness they don’t have kids, they would make awful parents.

I would take this as an opportunity to reduce or even lose contact. I wouldn’t try to instigate contact with them again. They are no loss. Now they’ve found a way to press your buttons, if you maintain contact they will probably use your child as a pawn in their childish games forever. They don’t care they’ve upset you. Time to stop caring about them.

I agree.
I wouldn't want people like that near my child.
I would also be very verbal to mutual family and friends.
I cannot imagine any decent parent being anything but appalled at their childs privacy in their home violated like that.
We have never done a single hint of SM for our children in the past 25 years.
I believe it to be toxic and a violation of their privacy.

I have a question. Your daughter had the flu. Why was she at the dinning table? The social media situation. Way out of line. Not her child not her right to out on social media. When they are old enough. Their choice.

Giving children sweets not a good idea. Not their kid.

They have crosses several boundaries, disrespected you and your daughter. In your shoes I would not be seeing them again. Horrific behaviour from supposed grown ups who your daughter should be able to trust.

They sound horrible or at best very stupid. I hate those posts people put up of their own kids having tantrums but to put someone else's kid online like that is vile. Doesn't matter who can see them - they have handed her image over to anyone on that group who can share it, and to Zuckerberg. Ask them if they would like one of their most vulnerable moments filmed and shared with a few of your close friends. Whether it's bad or not to have Haribo - you said you didn't want her having it, so teasing her with them is just weird. I would say how upset you are and ask for an apology.