to ask my mum to take the kids to hers for a few hours

[LaylaSun77]

I asked my mum to take my 2 boys for a few hours as I am accompanying a friend to hospital to receive scan results (hospital is near her home). My mum said that she is "very particular about her house" and would prefer they didn't come but she would have them at my house. My boys are never asked to my mums house, my youngest child (age 3) thought she lived in a leisure centre because that's where we meet her and he hadn't ever been to her house. My oldest child has been to see her once in the past 4 or 5 years She always prefers to come to me. I have more room than she does and all their toys are at home etc so she finds it easier to visit them there and she "likes to get out of the house". I understand that but once in a while I think she could have them at her house in order to help out. I explained to her that my husband was going to take the christmas tree down and do some clearing out from christmas etc while I was out so it would really help- wouldnt really be of help if she was to visit us. Both me and DH work full time so are very busy. When she comes down she leaves the place in chaos and we have another person to tidy up after. She was never "particular" about her house when I was a child. She has another grandchild who is often invited to see her- she said this is because they live further away so she has to come in order to see her but with my kids she would rather come to my house. AIBU to feel annoyed about this? I feel that my children are missing out on going to gran's house and me and DH are missing out on being able to get the kids out of the house and have any time for ourselves. I feel that her other grandchild is the favourite and is treated differently. I invite my mum to my house often and cook her meals etc, most recently on Christmas day.

Why couldn't your children stay with their dad at home?

Is it because there are 2 of them? Why couldn’t DH parent them?

You can’t make her do something she doesn’t want to do. It does seem unreasonable and unfair but not much you can do about it. If your husband is around why do you want your mum to take them?

They’re not her kids. She has set a boundary so honour it. Your DH can take down the tree whilst she entertains them elsewhere in the house!

My Christmas tree took me 25 mins to put away surely your DH can look after his children and factor in the Christmas tree later on?! If I asked my Mum to babysit in lieu of my husband doing it because of the Christmas tree she would genuinely laugh at me before hanging up the phone. It’s her house her choice.

You sound a bit entitled. Just be grateful your mum is prepared to babysit. We had a lot of boy cousins when kids and my mum dreaded them visiting. They were like little tornados running throughout the house, touching and breaking things. Maybe your kids are the same?

He wanted to take the Christmas decorations down and do a clear out as we have had a non stop christmas entertaining family, 2 boys sick, its his last day off work so asking gran to help for a few hours would have really helped us sort the house.

Surely your DH can mind the children? 🙄

Good god, your mum's a nutter. Never been to her house in 3 years! How precious is she!

We took our decs down and had a clear out once DS had gone to bed, why can't you both do this?

YABU. She's looking after them. If that's not good enough, your husband will have to deal with it. He should anyway.

Thank you for the feedback. If it is entitled to ask my mum to have grandkids a few hours once in a blue moon (ie once every 3 or 4 years) while I am driving a friend to get scan results for cancer then maybe I should reflect. I thought it would be supportive and a great help and I would not think twice about helping out a friend or family member in this way. All boys are a bit boisterous I suppose but I thought she could take them to park or let them watch a movie to help out on this occasion.

he could do and will do- as I say it was just an extra pair of hands to help as we have had a busy and stressful few weeks and its his last day off work. does no one elses mums ever take their kids to their house ever?

My DH has a progressive illness and takes medication which makes him drowsy at night. Its fine- it will be done another time. I was just a bit taken aback not to have any support. I thought that this was quite a normal thing to have family help sometimes.

YABU. Your husband should look after his kids, rather than faffing around with the decorations. She’s perfectly entitled to say she only wants to look into them
in your house and not hers, is it because they are younger than the other grandchild that is invited round and still at the running around and touching stuff stage?

Wow, havent heard the word brat in 20 years! Thanks for your honesty. Its a lot easier to put things away in attic etc when you have an hour to yourself. Its fine- it will be done another time. I was just a bit taken aback not to have any support. I thought that this was quite a normal thing to have family help sometimes. thank you for your opinion

My DC doesn’t go to grandparents houses either. My parents look after my DC twice a month for a few hours while mine and DHs work shifts overlap and it has to be at my house as they don’t want any mess.
They leave my house an absolute shit show.
But DC has fun and it really helps us out so I deal with the chaos.

MIL doesn’t invite anyone into her home as it’s “her space” so she also visits us. Although she doesn’t do any form of childcare.

I really do think it’s odd that you asked for childcare when your husband is at home. I took decorations and tree down today with help from my 5yo child and got it all back in the loft then we did a big clean & hoover and rearranged the furniture back to how it usually is. is there a reason your DC can’t just help your husband?
Maybe I just don’t get it because my parents would only ever watch DC to cover for me working, not so that I could “sort the house” 😬

no- they are not younger. My DH looks after them all the time and will be doing it. it was just to have a few hours to himself to sort out the house while I accompany my friend to hospital. He has an illness and so he gets very fatigued- on his last day off work it would have been handy to have some help, is all.

But she isn’t having them so that you can go with your friend to her cancer scan.
she’s having them so that your husband can take the Christmas tree down in peace.
she said yes anyway, you just don’t like the location.
you are being massively unreasonable and entitled.

You do have help, though. She agreed to help. Just not in the way you would prefer.

All boys are a bit boisterous I suppose

Not really, I suspect this is the issue

my youngest is 3 and DH wanted to do dump runs etc with the seats down so no passengers.

I wouldn't have asked for help if their dad was at home.

You don’t “not have any support” though @LaylaSun77 - your DH was at home and perfectly capable of taking care of the children - he just had other stuff he’d rather do. And your mum said she’d watch them, but at yours. If they were going to sit at hers and watch a movie anyway, could they not just have done that while DH cracked on with the tree etc?