to ask my mum to take the kids to hers for a few hours

[LaylaSun77]

I asked my mum to take my 2 boys for a few hours as I am accompanying a friend to hospital to receive scan results (hospital is near her home). My mum said that she is "very particular about her house" and would prefer they didn't come but she would have them at my house. My boys are never asked to my mums house, my youngest child (age 3) thought she lived in a leisure centre because that's where we meet her and he hadn't ever been to her house. My oldest child has been to see her once in the past 4 or 5 years She always prefers to come to me. I have more room than she does and all their toys are at home etc so she finds it easier to visit them there and she "likes to get out of the house". I understand that but once in a while I think she could have them at her house in order to help out. I explained to her that my husband was going to take the christmas tree down and do some clearing out from christmas etc while I was out so it would really help- wouldnt really be of help if she was to visit us. Both me and DH work full time so are very busy. When she comes down she leaves the place in chaos and we have another person to tidy up after. She was never "particular" about her house when I was a child. She has another grandchild who is often invited to see her- she said this is because they live further away so she has to come in order to see her but with my kids she would rather come to my house. AIBU to feel annoyed about this? I feel that my children are missing out on going to gran's house and me and DH are missing out on being able to get the kids out of the house and have any time for ourselves. I feel that her other grandchild is the favourite and is treated differently. I invite my mum to my house often and cook her meals etc, most recently on Christmas day.

Im actually astounded at the amount of kickback you’re getting from this. As someone with no help whatsoever, I am very bitter to my parents. Every single weekend we’d be left at either paternal or maternal grandparents house for the entire weekend. Don’t get me wrong I loved it, but the very fact that my parents won’t even mind my kids for an hour infuriates me when they had so much help. Neither of my parents worked either so it’s not as if they wanted recoup from a long slog at work!! I’m a single parent, working full time. I had a cancer scare and had to have a biopsy. My parents refused to even sit in a soft play with my kids and said surely there’s a play person at the hospital 🤯 my ex mil actually minded my children including the one who’s not biologically related. She has been an absolute god send!

But best believe they show up for the other grandchildren! Although my kids are older now and see through them, they don’t bother with them at all.

thanks...I dont often post here but i love to read the dilemmas... I did think the replies were a bit much. people seem annoyed that my DH is home but I'm asking my mum for help.

So with this talk/suggestion of it takes a village's seems to only work 'it takes a village so you need to help me now my way but if you dont help me now when you are older I wont help you'

No i wouldn't want to live in that village

You are asking your mum to help but it has to be done your way?

I am sorry to hear this, it sounds very difficult and stressful for you. I am glad your MIL showed up for you when you needed support.

no... not at all. asking her to have the grandkids over but she's said no so thats ok. i'm not even going to be at home so its not "my way". My DH cant get what he needs to do done with a house full so he will leave it until another time.

The OP's mother has not been "too busy" to offer help if I've read the updates correctly. Indeed she has offered help.

By the time my DC came along, my DF had died and my widowed DM was elderly and physically disabled (mobility problems), so she was only able to look after DC when they were very small. Once they started to mobilise, it was too much for her and wouldn't have been safe. PILs lived 140 miles away, so weren't on hand. You are so fortunate to have a DM who is happy to look after your DC, albeit in your home.

Thank you! I think that's exactly it to be honest! I do everything I can to support her and wouldnt dream of not ... but sometimes its exhasuting and was really hurtful to be told "no" to this one ask of help.

But your home is child-proofed and geared up to small children. My GD is almost 18 months old and myself and/or one of her parents has to keep an eye on her at all times when she is visiting me. Am not too worried about her breaking anything, but obviously wouldn't want her to hurt herself. It really is much easier to have them looked after in their own home.

But surely DM could keep an eye on them in your home while DH gets on with what he wants to do? Even if she has to take them into another room for a short while.

I’d say she has OCds

we arent ever asked- she would rather come to us and does regularly

there isnt really a lot of room- bedrooms beside attic- living room is where he will be taking tree from. he has to go to the dump and they would be wanting to come etc and running about after him. it would have just been easier to do it alone but its ok- will now be done another time.

yes- i understand that. it was just a one off that I was asking but I do understand.

Sorry to hear that, and yes we are very fortunate in many ways and are extremely thankful to have GPs in good health.

In most families it wouldn't be an issue, but as your mum hasn't had the kids at her house in 3 years, I'm not sure why you're surprised. It probably stresses her out.

You say all boys are boisterous.. no they're not all boisterous... but it sounds like yours are a bit of a handful. If they weren't, your DH could manage with them, in spite of his health issues. If your house is a mess when she leaves, it's your boys messing the place up. That's the mess she doesn't want in her house.

I doubt that your mum is the one making a mess.

I can't relate to Grandma not helping out wanting to see the grandchildren, as my mum lived in a different city and was happy if I wanted to leave the kids with her for a couple of days.

It's odd that she wouldn't even have you over with the kids sometimes though and they thought she lived at the leisure centre. Maybe you should tell her that.

Your mum is being mean here. If she can have the other grandchildren to her house she could have yours.

that's what i think too, even once!

its not that DH cant manage them- he cant go to the dump because there's no room in the car with the car seats- or to the attic and leave them unattended- to the charity shop with bags- its a one person job that cant be done with kids in tow. You are right- i should not be surprised. I knew she preferred to come to us, but not that if we were passing by her area and it would help us out, we could not drop them in once. They really arent different to other children, they will clean up if asked but ofcourse they will play and use their toys and run about. they are boys who like to play. build a den, that sort of thing.lt is easily fixed but can be chaotic at times.

I didn't see all the stuff about going to the dump and charity shops.

Have you mentioned this to you sibling? The parent of the child that she allows in her house.

Taking children to a house that isn’t childproof and has no toys or form of entertainment is a recipe for disaster and stressful for both the adult and children. How did you imagine they were going to entertain themselves? It sounds like you’ve declined her offer to mind them at yours because they’ll still mither your husband. Why is this, do they listen to her?

Yes, I guess sometimes it is easier to have the children looked after elsewhere, depending on what needs doing.

My first thought

I completely understand! Sometimes you just want to focus on getting a task done, and it can be hard to do that with kids around, even with another adult to supervise them. I get why your mum prefers to look after your boys in their own home with their own toys to play with, but I really don't understand why she can't have them at her home occasionally.