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Original poster

Husband affair - what do I do about Christmas?

434 replies

Lisawr · 21/12/2025 20:11

NC’d for obvious reasons. I broke up with my H last week - I had a woman message me online who claimed her H had been sleeping with mine for the past year. She gave detail such as dates etc and I confronted H who admitted this and broke down in tears and said he was going to tell me after Christmas. As we have kids I let him stay in the spare room on the night this was found out and he has been sleeping on a friends sofa since (kids are very young so I’ve just said he’s away with work).

The issue is he cannot stay at the friends from tomorrow as they have visitors staying for Christmas. He wants to stay here in the spare room and have Christmas here for the kids’ sake.

I really am struggling to picture this but at the same time, don’t want to ruin the kids’ Christmas. I am torn and would welcome advice especially if anyone has experienced similar.

OP posts:
hollyandribbon · 21/12/2025 20:33

Lisawr · 21/12/2025 20:20

His parents are abroad, they spend every winter away. Realistically, he can’t join them at this point.

To someone who said I seem calm. I don’t think I’ve processed it at all yet. Still feels numb.

I mean, he probably should have thought about things like this before he went off shagging someone else… he also doesn’t have to tell his parents the nitty gritty does he, maybe just that he needs some space from the family home atm.

I’m so sorry OP, this must be an absolute blow for you. Do what’s right for you and your kids, he deserves nothing from you x

Hankunamatata · 21/12/2025 20:34

Lisawr · 21/12/2025 20:25

He says he can’t as they’d question what’s going on and he doesn’t want to alarm them at the moment (given the time of year and that DFIL has health concerns)

Show quote history

Nope he needs to tell them he had an affair and your splitting and he needs to stay with them.

doitwithlove · 21/12/2025 20:34

He doesn’t want to alarm his parents but he is happy for you and his dc to deal with this shit show. What a tosser

BettysRoasties · 21/12/2025 20:34

Him and his boyfriend can get a hotel together.

Dinosweetpea · 21/12/2025 20:35

greenwithglee · 21/12/2025 20:33

when he says these kind of things to you, you just keep repeating "that's unfortunate, but it isn't my problem to solve, you lost the right to my support when you had an affair" each time he comes back with an excuse you just tell him again " its not my problem to solve."

Show quote history

Absolutely. Not your problem.

Original poster
Lisawr · 21/12/2025 20:36

To those who mentioned, he stopped seeing the other person about a month ago. It turned nasty and that’s definitely not going to be a thing. He has also claimed repeatedly it was only a physical attraction and nothing else.

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 21/12/2025 20:36

You need time to process and the fact it’s Christmas is tough on you, don’t take his issues on. He can find his own accommodation even if it’s the local homeless shelter.

CalmShaker · 21/12/2025 20:38

Oh what a dreadful thing and worst time of year too. I had to read your opening sentence a few times as didn't realise your husband and the other person is male, feel really sorry for you. What an awful thing to happen. Was it completely out of the blue?

Feel terrible for you

BettysRoasties · 21/12/2025 20:38

Well then I’m afraid he needs to pull up those big boy pants he was so easy to drop and fills in mummy and daddy about his penis travelling around and now his sleeping at their empty home.

Doesn’t matter if it was love lust or shags he cheated.

AwfullyGood · 21/12/2025 20:39

He has plenty of options:

  • Stay in his parents house (tell him they'll be far more alarmed if you ring them to explain it!)
  • With his gay lover .....surely if it'd worth cheating on you this man can house him
  • Siblings/extended family etc
  • A hotel/hostel/b&b/car
  • A tent
  • A treehouse
  • A dog kennel
  • Under a bridge

He can stay wherever he likes but cheating husbands who lie, cheat and potentially expose their spouse to STIs, do not deserve to stay in the family home.

It's one thing to split with a spouse but it's another to cheat.

Jellybunny56 · 21/12/2025 20:39

I’m so sorry OP what an awful shock that must have been and at such a rubbish time of year.

Is he asking you, as in he will do whatever you ask him to do, or telling?

The reality is I assume as you are married then it is just as much his house as it is yours, and the kids I assume are joint kids, so he has just as much right to be in the home and with the kids as you do regardless of the affair. So if he chooses to come home then you can’t stop him.

If he is asking and open to doing whatever you want to do then I’d have a look at hotels, as PP suggested lots of them actually tend to be quite cheap over the holidays so if that is affordable then that’s one option. Depending on the age of the kids, how aware/bothered they would be about him not being there for Christmas, he could always come round at the time.

BettysRoasties · 21/12/2025 20:39

Oh and get a std test.

ilovelamp82 · 21/12/2025 20:39

None of these problems are yours. he has caused this situation, it is not your responsibility to soften the fall. By all means he can see the kids at Christmas if you're comfortable with that, but he stays in a Travelodge. Why should his comfort take priority over yours?

HardworkSendHelp · 21/12/2025 20:40

Lisawr · 21/12/2025 20:25

He says he can’t as they’d question what’s going on and he doesn’t want to alarm them at the moment (given the time of year and that DFIL has health concerns)

Show quote history

Well that’s a him problem! He should have thought about his wife, children and elderly parents before he had an affair with anyone never mind a man. I would def not be allowing him to stay in the house. For the kids sake I would allow a visit on Christmas Day. Big hugs OP this has been such a blow to you particularly at this time of the year.

TiaKofi · 21/12/2025 20:40

Lisawr · 21/12/2025 20:25

He says he can’t as they’d question what’s going on and he doesn’t want to alarm them at the moment (given the time of year and that DFIL has health concerns)

Show quote history

They’d only question if they didn’t know what was going on.

Your husband is abusing the fact that they don’t know here.

So you should take back that power and let them know the basic facts (i.e H has had an affair, has been kicked out and needs somewhere to stay).

Hopefully then he can stay there. If not, not your responsibility to house him.

Just simply let him know he’s breached all trust with you. You need time and space to process this, and you don’t feel it’s in the best interests of children for him to stay here. But, that he is welcome to see them around Christmas for small periods.

BettysRoasties · 21/12/2025 20:40

If it’s an option you could travel to your parents for Christmas only? I wouldn’t leave leave the house.

Or give him the option he leaves nicely and politely or you blast him to his family and friends. But you have to be willing to follow that though.

Happyjoe · 21/12/2025 20:41

Team hotel here too.
It's unfair to ask you, massively. It's going to be hard enough getting through Xmas as it is without his face there. Please put yourself first OP. By all means, see the kids but that's where it should stop for your self-preservation.

LlttledrummergirI · 21/12/2025 20:41

Have a think about what you want and need, rather than second guessing the right thing to do. You will be pulled in different directions trying to do that- best for the kids, best for his parents, best for him, best for the future.

Do what is best for you. Talk to your family and friends for support but put yourself first. Whatever is best for you will be best for your dc.

Christmaseree · 21/12/2025 20:41

Can you throw him out of his own house though?

Drivinghomeforchristmas25 · 21/12/2025 20:42

“Only physical attraction”? So that makes it ok to shag some other bloke? Would he think that was OK for you op? You know he wouldn’t, do not fall for his shite. I know you are in shock, I know you are thinking of your DC and I know you want to “save” Christmas. But you can’t. Not now. He needs to sort himself out, like he has evidently been doing for the past year.

BettysRoasties · 21/12/2025 20:43

Christmaseree · 21/12/2025 20:41

Can you throw him out of his own house though?

legally no. However she can play to either his kinder side or threaten verbally carefully to out his affair and Bi’ness if he doesn’t play nice.

Allaboutthecats · 21/12/2025 20:43

You and your children are the priority here. What is the best solution for you? Going elsewhere? Having him stay elsewhere but come for lunch or just doing Xmas alone?

Sartre · 21/12/2025 20:43

He isn’t your issue anymore, he stopped being that when he decided to fuck someone else’s husband ffs. Don’t even give it a second thought. He can visit the children on the day but like fuck would I let him stay in your house. He can find a hotel, a friend, go stay with the husband he was screwing or sleep in his car. Who cares. Adultery gonna drag you into some dark places, he chose it.

arcticpandas · 21/12/2025 20:44

Lisawr · 21/12/2025 20:25

He says he can’t as they’d question what’s going on and he doesn’t want to alarm them at the moment (given the time of year and that DFIL has health concerns)

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So he doesn't want to upset his parents, how sweet of him 🤮. He's got a bloody nerve.
He managed to lie to you for one year so I'm sure he will manage to tell them a story about why he needs to stay in their home. The other alternative is that you call them to tell them he's been cheating on you with a man for a year. I think he will choose to call them.

Please don't take responsability for his betrayal. He chose to shit on you and your family- do not feel sorry for the bastard- he's utterly disgusting and you should absolutely not let him come home. So so sorry for you.

FurForksSake · 21/12/2025 20:44

Don’t engage with him, tell him to sort himself out.

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