Husband affair - what do I do about Christmas?

[Lisawr]

NC’d for obvious reasons. I broke up with my H last week - I had a woman message me online who claimed her H had been sleeping with mine for the past year. She gave detail such as dates etc and I confronted H who admitted this and broke down in tears and said he was going to tell me after Christmas. As we have kids I let him stay in the spare room on the night this was found out and he has been sleeping on a friends sofa since (kids are very young so I’ve just said he’s away with work).

The issue is he cannot stay at the friends from tomorrow as they have visitors staying for Christmas. He wants to stay here in the spare room and have Christmas here for the kids’ sake.

I really am struggling to picture this but at the same time, don’t want to ruin the kids’ Christmas. I am torn and would welcome advice especially if anyone has experienced similar.

Sadly, the bar seems to be pretty low for blokes. And infidelity generally has no bearing on the divorce settlement.

though I wonder if the fact that he’s shagging a revolving carousel of strangers might point to a slightly unstable situation for young kids?

So it hasn't been long for him to get his ducks in a row. I wanted to ask how you are but that is a silly question.

I know you don't or can't deal with it all so I shall be gentle. My head was in the sand for so long but having just spent near of £80k in legal fees I would urge you even next week or the new year to seek legal advice.

Make sure all your paper work is sorted and you have copies of anything that is relevant.Documents, passports, house deeds, or at least copies, marriage certificate. He will move fast and you are sadly having to play catch up. Your anger and emotions if all over the place need to be challenged into protecting yourself and your children as he clearly has set the tone in the email he has sent you. For those commenting on the fact that it is his house - you're right - but emotionally she has a right to have some space from what is happing and no one would be begrudge that.

Your world is unravelling please look after yourself and be warned he will be telling himself never mind his own family once he does a set of lies to make this whole process easier for him not what is best for your children. He is not your friend now and that is a very painful and lonely place to be, I am so sorry you are going through this, but there are genuine people on mums net who will be championing you honestly,

Don’t reply. Leave him guessing as to your thoughts but do see a solicitor and let them handle the way forward even for now.

Your 2nd paragraph was the point I was trying to make. Not his infidelity or gayness.

I think there has been very good advice on here about not responding to him but just want to share my experience, I found out my husband was on Grindr while I was 9 months pregnant and I’m still here today though admittedly I’m still on the road to recovery. You will be okay OP and solidarity

I know - was agreeing with you.

…but had changed my response slightly as it’s pretty depressing- was going to say that even convicted paedophiles don’t automatically get denied access to their kids.

Wow he imploded your marriage and now wants you out of the house and for him to stay there with kids...what a prize prat

How was Christmas @Lisawr ? Hope you're doing ok in the circumstances.

I am so sorry you have gone through all of this, particularly at this time of year and everything that comes with it.
I hope you’ve been able to get some legal advice, or you’re able to soon, and that the advice gives you some peace of mind with what you can expect for the year to come and how to start planning for yours and your children’s future. Rooting for you, you’ve been put in an incredibly heartbreaking situation but he absolutely doesn’t get to call all the shots now. Uncertainty and fear for the future is the worst thing of all but you will get through this. If he’s able to bugger off and leave you taking care of the children on your own for weeks over Christmas I’m sure that speaks to who was the ‘default parent’ before any of this came to light and although I don’t know any of the legalities, I hope you’d have more right than 50/50 custody and being bought out of the family home you share with your kids