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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For leaving my boyfriend in the frozen isle

747 replies

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:27

I came to stay with him for the week to spend Christmas together (3 hours by train) Yesterday we went food shopping because he didn’t have any food in. He’s always been very clear that food shopping is super triggering for him so normally he orders online but this week he hadn’t and we were starving.

On the way he even joked that this could end badly and we might break up. Haha. Because nothing says comedy like foreshadowing your own relationship ending in the frozen isle

Anyway, we get there and he’s acting manic. He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around. People noticed. Embarrassing doesn’t even cover it. I told him to stop, and he countered with loudly accusing me of being embarrassed of him which just drew more attention.

I tried to soldier on because maybe this is his coping mechanism. We’re almost done, he asks a question about which salmon we should choose. I zone out. He snaps at me, says you’re supposed to be helping, you know how hard this is for me. I remind him I have been helping but he keeps pushing. People are staring again so I say I’m not having an argument with you in the fish aisle, I will walk out if you don’t stop.

Then in the frozen aisle he snaps again at me because I said I don’t want ice cream and earlier I had said I wanted ice cream. so I just walked out. Left him there with a trolley full of food and walked back to his.
Back at his house he shuts himself away on the sofa. I went to bed alone. Today I try to talk to him, he wants to be left alone and doesn’t want to talk to me, apparently walking out was the worst thing I could have done. I abandoned him in the most triggering environment possible, what I did was shocking to him, he doesn’t want to talk to me, doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me anymore and when pushed if he wants to break up says he said he hasn’t thought about it and just wants to be left alone.
oh and it gets better, it’s my Birthday tomorrow, we had plans for him to take me to dinner, he said he won’t kick me out on my birthday (how lovely) but will continue sleeping on the sofa and I should let him know when he should drop me back off at the station.

He’s currently asleep now on the sofa. What a wonderful birthday present. He’s essentially broken up with me the day before my Birthday. I don’t know the area, it’s far too late to make any plans for either my birthday or Christmas. I don’t know when I’ll go home, I have a parcel coming to his house tomorrow morning and I’m pretty certain I’ll never be back so I think I need to stay here for that and then do the 3 hour train ride back on my Birthday, alone, to then spend Christmas alone. Plus I haven’t slept yet and my eyes are all swollen and puffy from crying so I don’t know if I fancy doing the journey back in this state.

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 21/12/2025 15:49

Forever1973 · 21/12/2025 15:48

It's hard to judge what happened in the supermarket without having been there.

He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around.

Sounds pretty clear to me. No man who did that would ever be allowed near me again.

MIAMNER · 21/12/2025 15:49

I cannot say this loud enough, RUN as far as you can from this man

vanillalattes · 21/12/2025 15:50

soupyspoon · 21/12/2025 15:48

Lol, I have seen this behaviour a lot unfortunately and its very much about their coping strategies and behaviour management and no amount of training can help some, but helps others. This is at the extreme end of course and it was a suggestion from me, Im not diagnosing anyone or pinning it on, he might be, he might not, its what sprung to mind hearing the outlandish behaviour and behaviour afterwards.

Its not that unusual in my client group, sorry to shock you.

I'm not shocked, I'm sad that someone who apparently works with ND individuals thinks it's acceptable to pin all arsehole-ish behaviour on ND.

Ritaskitchen · 21/12/2025 15:50

If this is real then run away fast. Block him and don’t look back.

Lostsoultrip · 21/12/2025 15:51

ProfessorRizz · 21/12/2025 15:45

YABU because I thought this would be a thread about leaving your OH in Greenland. As it turns out, you meant frozen aisle.

That's what you took from this? A chance to be the spelling police?

Missohnoyoubetterdont · 21/12/2025 15:51

Run. Run. Keep running. You Al have dodged a massive bullet.

Noshowlomo · 21/12/2025 15:51

You should be over the moon that you won’t see this piece of shit ever again. He sexually assaulted you in public but is angry that you were angry about him being so inappropriate. It triggered him? What a fucking prick

ItsDarkNow · 21/12/2025 15:51

Presumably he will be arrested.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 21/12/2025 15:51

His ‘coping mechanism’ is to sexually assault you??
Well, that’s mightily convenient for him.

What’s the betting that if he did the trip ‘round with a man, he wouldn’t be so quick to sexually harass them??

Please have some self respect and end this (abusive) relationship.

13RidgmontRoad · 21/12/2025 15:52

Terrible. Frankly, his behaving like this is a brilliant birthday present to you because now you know what things will be like if you stay with him. Would you like even one more occasion of behaviour like this? No? Then leave. I’m not sure what delivery you were waiting for tomorrow, but either give up on it, try to have it rerouted or wait for it and then leave.

If supermarkets are so bloody triggering, then he needs to do what the rest of us do and order an online shop, especially if he has someone coming to stay with him.

Noshowlomo · 21/12/2025 15:52

Also call the police. He sexually assaulted you in public!

BillieWiper · 21/12/2025 15:53

This is such obvious bullshit I cannot even...

RealChristmasBaby · 21/12/2025 15:53

Sincerely - I can hardly believe what I'm reading. If any of this is true surely he would've been thrown out of the supermarket for that vile behaviour?
More importantly, why are you with him? Especially after that insane behaviour? Why do you even remain in his house? How can he, or you, justify any of this? I would have gone straight home and told him exactly where to put his knob.
What on earth is wrong with both of you? This is so far from normal it beggars belief and I'm in my 60's and thought I'd heard it all.

AwfullyGood · 21/12/2025 15:53

Can we quit the shit with the ND queries?!
I know loads of people with ND but none of them have ever turned into a abusive pervert when exposed to frozen food!

OP, why stay anywhere near this guy? Check train times or book into a hotel. A man who gropes you and then blames you for it, is one you should stay away from. Why are you still there?

InterestedDad37 · 21/12/2025 15:54

Put this birthday (and Christmas) down to experience, and think of it as 'that time I had a lucky escape'. Wishing you well 💐

SnippySnappy · 21/12/2025 15:55

Please listen to me. I was with a man like this (including the 3 hour journey to get there). He used to do stuff like this to me too. This is abuse. You will see this in time, once you leave him.
I don't know how you got there, but there will be trains, coaches, or whatever to take you back HOME. Go home ASAP - tonight if you can - and enjoy your Christmas without this abusive arsehole.

HuskyNew · 21/12/2025 15:55

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:36

He’s not ND. He has anxiety in supermarkets, mainly around decision making. He’s been very vocal about how hard he finds it, I’ve been made to feel awful, like I’ve done something really awful to him. It’s horrible, just getting silent treatment at the moment till I can go home

He’s either very ND, or a total abusive idiot. Or a bit of both.

Either way he’s done you a favour. Run and don’t look back.

Can you imagine how shit your life would be if the father of your future kids can’t be trusted to go to a supermarket without sexual harassing someone and sulking for days.

Raise your bar, do your future self a favour.

CatAsstrophe · 21/12/2025 15:56

@soupyspoon

Its not that unusual in my client group, sorry to shock you.

Your client group - tiny.

ND population - huge

Do the majority of ND people behave like abusive arseholes? No. Most of us just go about our daily lives, trying to get on as best we can.

Applying ND to any adverse behaviour as you did is offensive. And, you were wrong.

LadyKenya · 21/12/2025 15:57

Missohnoyoubetterdont · 21/12/2025 15:51

Run. Run. Keep running. You Al have dodged a massive bullet.

Yep, this is so unreal.

CandyCaneKisses · 21/12/2025 15:57

He’s got to be like this in situations outside of food shopping. Maybe being 3 hours away means he could hide it better but you’d eventually have seen it so best to go home now.

feellikeanalien · 21/12/2025 15:57

Did no-one else in the supermarket notice him dropping his trousers and waving his dick around then?

Hedgehogbrown · 21/12/2025 15:58

Oh Frozen aisle. I thought yo mis have been in Svalbard or Shetland or something. Jus go home. He's nuts.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 21/12/2025 15:58

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:40

Word for word last message he sent me

I don’t care if I dropped my pants and helicoptered my knob in the veg aisle, you doing that was fucking shocking to me. However minor and unimportant it no doubt is to you. So I remain fuvking furious and upset, and, for the last time, shattered. Can I be left alone now

Why would you be in a relationship with someone like this? What’s your deal?

Hedgehogbrown · 21/12/2025 15:58

feellikeanalien · 21/12/2025 15:57

Did no-one else in the supermarket notice him dropping his trousers and waving his dick around then?

😂

Loobyloolovesandypandy · 21/12/2025 15:58

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:36

He’s not ND. He has anxiety in supermarkets, mainly around decision making. He’s been very vocal about how hard he finds it, I’ve been made to feel awful, like I’ve done something really awful to him. It’s horrible, just getting silent treatment at the moment till I can go home

He did warn you… so what he really wanted is for you to do the shopping on your own. Can you imagine having children with this looser? Nightmare