For leaving my boyfriend in the frozen isle

[Sadly11]

I came to stay with him for the week to spend Christmas together (3 hours by train) Yesterday we went food shopping because he didn’t have any food in. He’s always been very clear that food shopping is super triggering for him so normally he orders online but this week he hadn’t and we were starving.

On the way he even joked that this could end badly and we might break up. Haha. Because nothing says comedy like foreshadowing your own relationship ending in the frozen isle

Anyway, we get there and he’s acting manic. He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around. People noticed. Embarrassing doesn’t even cover it. I told him to stop, and he countered with loudly accusing me of being embarrassed of him which just drew more attention.

I tried to soldier on because maybe this is his coping mechanism. We’re almost done, he asks a question about which salmon we should choose. I zone out. He snaps at me, says you’re supposed to be helping, you know how hard this is for me. I remind him I have been helping but he keeps pushing. People are staring again so I say I’m not having an argument with you in the fish aisle, I will walk out if you don’t stop.

Then in the frozen aisle he snaps again at me because I said I don’t want ice cream and earlier I had said I wanted ice cream. so I just walked out. Left him there with a trolley full of food and walked back to his.
Back at his house he shuts himself away on the sofa. I went to bed alone. Today I try to talk to him, he wants to be left alone and doesn’t want to talk to me, apparently walking out was the worst thing I could have done. I abandoned him in the most triggering environment possible, what I did was shocking to him, he doesn’t want to talk to me, doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me anymore and when pushed if he wants to break up says he said he hasn’t thought about it and just wants to be left alone.
oh and it gets better, it’s my Birthday tomorrow, we had plans for him to take me to dinner, he said he won’t kick me out on my birthday (how lovely) but will continue sleeping on the sofa and I should let him know when he should drop me back off at the station.

He’s currently asleep now on the sofa. What a wonderful birthday present. He’s essentially broken up with me the day before my Birthday. I don’t know the area, it’s far too late to make any plans for either my birthday or Christmas. I don’t know when I’ll go home, I have a parcel coming to his house tomorrow morning and I’m pretty certain I’ll never be back so I think I need to stay here for that and then do the 3 hour train ride back on my Birthday, alone, to then spend Christmas alone. Plus I haven’t slept yet and my eyes are all swollen and puffy from crying so I don’t know if I fancy doing the journey back in this state.

He’s not ND. He has anxiety in supermarkets, mainly around decision making. He’s been very vocal about how hard he finds it, I’ve been made to feel awful, like I’ve done something really awful to him. It’s horrible, just getting silent treatment at the moment till I can go home

Yabu to want to be in a relationship with someone who behaves like this.

He sounds like a lunatic.
Yhe only person do anything awful is him.

Anyway, we get there and he’s acting manic. He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around

I know it doesn't feel like it but this is actually the best birthday present he could give you. Absolute twattery and abuse - what he was doing to you in the supermarket really is abuse.

I really am sorry you feel so shit on your birthday bday, as soon as you can take him up on the offer of a lift to the station, stop by a nice food shop on the way home and stock up on goodies for a peaceful, argument free Christmas day in your own home and toast with a good wine to a 2026 without headfucks.

So he's just an arsehole. Lots of people hate supermarkets yet they manage to do their food shop without groping people and starting arguments.

Honestly, just fuck him off. I wouldn't even wait for the parcel, I would just go home and cut my losses now.

I work with many service users who are ND who display very difficult behaviour in public, will become very defensive about it and argue its not and its someone elses fault

Many people with ND are completely appropriate, most are, but that sort of wild and unreasonable and illogical behaviour is a communication of the melt down. Completely extreme.

You cant have a realtionship with someone like that, you couldnt live a normal life.

He has given you the greatest gift for your year ahead. Freedom from him. Don’t think twice. Get uour parcel and get far away from him.

And if you hesitate, just consider that scenario while you’re ill/grieving/pregnant or have kids. A life partner is someone who should ease the burdens of life. Not be one of them.

I thought Lapland or Iceland (not the shop) as well!.

Lucky escape there I think. He sounds like a liability. Who gets triggered going to lidl? Or is he used to Waitrose and the slumming it made him act like an arse? And his behaviour towards you was appalling..

When you said triggering, I thought it would be anxiety or overstimulation. Not sexual assault! WTAF?!

Run away! Fast!

Pack your stuff and get out, back on the train and go home, block him and dont look back.

Hope he got frostbite 😉

Sexual assault multiple times in the frozen aisle in front of kids?

Dump. Whatever it is, you should stay far, far away.

I was trying to figure out where you were vacationing at first.

Nah

Well you mean he hasnt got a diagnosis and no one has suggested it before, but that sort of behaviour, something fairly straight forward like shopping and decision making having such huge anxiety about it, is a possible indicator. Then the huge rejection accusation, another huge indicator.

And then of course blaming someone else. Another indicator.

Word for word last message he sent me

I don’t care if I dropped my pants and helicoptered my knob in the veg aisle, you doing that was fucking shocking to me. However minor and unimportant it no doubt is to you. So I remain fuvking furious and upset, and, for the last time, shattered. Can I be left alone now

The Silent Treatment is a recognised sign of abuse.. I sincerely hope you can see it as one.
He is basically shaking a string of bunting at you..
Read those read flags and be done with him.

Yes, many do - but this automatic assumption that shitty behaviour must be a result of neurodiversity is both boring and downright offensive to millions of us who live with neurodiversity every single day.

You're right that you can't have a relationship with someone like this - the ND (or lack of) shouldn't come into it, though.

Just go home. Why are you hanging around this POS?

But he’s telling you by his behaviour how little he values you. If he finds shopping in person difficult he could have pre ordered a food shop. Presumably he functions each week without you and doesn’t starve. He acted totally inappropriately in the shop, he doesn’t get to now act like a spoilt child who tantrums and threats with silent treatment. Tell him you by leaving that you won’t put up with this.

I'm ND, but manage not to grope random men just because I hate being in Sainsbury's. What an absurd thing to say.

You should be dumping him op. He sounds awful.

He can be arrested for what he did. What you did was the logical response to his behaviour. Maybe remind him of that before you block him.

I was expecting to read about someone being abandoned in Greenland.

He can’t function in daily life, triggers are to be managed not to be tolerated by all and sundry when they end up in truly unacceptable behaviour. Could you imagine a life with someone who uses a supermarket shop as an excuse to behave in such a sexually aggressive way? He’s done you a huge favour, get yourself back home, buy your favourite things and have a lovely Christmas without worry that a trip to Sainsbury’s will result in sexual assault.

To be honest, I wish you’d left him on a frozen isle not the frozen aisle. He needs to be firmly in your past my love! ND or not, he is being obscenely cruel to you. You might not have the best birthday or Christmas but you sure can have a great 2026 without this c*nt!

Its not just general shitty behaviour though is it, its wild, completely and utterly inexplicable. All behaviour is communication remember.

In any case, we're all agreed she needs to never see or hear from him again. Lucky escape OP, sorry for a terrible time, but treat yourself to something fabulous.