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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For leaving my boyfriend in the frozen isle

747 replies

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:27

I came to stay with him for the week to spend Christmas together (3 hours by train) Yesterday we went food shopping because he didn’t have any food in. He’s always been very clear that food shopping is super triggering for him so normally he orders online but this week he hadn’t and we were starving.

On the way he even joked that this could end badly and we might break up. Haha. Because nothing says comedy like foreshadowing your own relationship ending in the frozen isle

Anyway, we get there and he’s acting manic. He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around. People noticed. Embarrassing doesn’t even cover it. I told him to stop, and he countered with loudly accusing me of being embarrassed of him which just drew more attention.

I tried to soldier on because maybe this is his coping mechanism. We’re almost done, he asks a question about which salmon we should choose. I zone out. He snaps at me, says you’re supposed to be helping, you know how hard this is for me. I remind him I have been helping but he keeps pushing. People are staring again so I say I’m not having an argument with you in the fish aisle, I will walk out if you don’t stop.

Then in the frozen aisle he snaps again at me because I said I don’t want ice cream and earlier I had said I wanted ice cream. so I just walked out. Left him there with a trolley full of food and walked back to his.
Back at his house he shuts himself away on the sofa. I went to bed alone. Today I try to talk to him, he wants to be left alone and doesn’t want to talk to me, apparently walking out was the worst thing I could have done. I abandoned him in the most triggering environment possible, what I did was shocking to him, he doesn’t want to talk to me, doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me anymore and when pushed if he wants to break up says he said he hasn’t thought about it and just wants to be left alone.
oh and it gets better, it’s my Birthday tomorrow, we had plans for him to take me to dinner, he said he won’t kick me out on my birthday (how lovely) but will continue sleeping on the sofa and I should let him know when he should drop me back off at the station.

He’s currently asleep now on the sofa. What a wonderful birthday present. He’s essentially broken up with me the day before my Birthday. I don’t know the area, it’s far too late to make any plans for either my birthday or Christmas. I don’t know when I’ll go home, I have a parcel coming to his house tomorrow morning and I’m pretty certain I’ll never be back so I think I need to stay here for that and then do the 3 hour train ride back on my Birthday, alone, to then spend Christmas alone. Plus I haven’t slept yet and my eyes are all swollen and puffy from crying so I don’t know if I fancy doing the journey back in this state.

OP posts:
saveforthat · 21/12/2025 15:30

What have I just read? Food shopping is triggering?

johntorodesfatcheeks · 21/12/2025 15:31

unless he has some sort of issue or condition then that behaviour is shocking

Notellinganyone · 21/12/2025 15:31

OP this is a lot to be dealing with. Go home and don’t look back. If he has issues with shopping he should have done it online - behaviour like this is not acceptable.

MumoftwoNC · 21/12/2025 15:32

johntorodesfatcheeks · 21/12/2025 15:31

unless he has some sort of issue or condition then that behaviour is shocking

And even if he does have a condition... he's not fit/well enough for an adult relationship.

He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around.

He is abusive. Maybe he has some kind of reason but you're not his mother and you're not responsible for him

Hankunamatata · 21/12/2025 15:32

So his way of coping in supermarket is to grope you and make indecent comments intent of other people?????
No that's not triggering that's being a total dick

Bavariamaria · 21/12/2025 15:32

This is nuts. Go home.

PersephoneSmith · 21/12/2025 15:32

You need to go home asap and never see him again.

soupyspoon · 21/12/2025 15:33

He sounds like he is ND and quite frankly OP, not worth it. If day to day functioning is too difficult for him, and it may well be, then nothing is going to work moving forward, every little day to day nuance or minutiae that has to be deal with or managed or navigated through will lead to situations like this, you trying to make up for his failings and having to effectively parent him and then getting a load of grief for it.

Trust me.

CatAsstrophe · 21/12/2025 15:33

He sounds a nightmare (on many levels). I'd be on the return journey home asap rejoicing in the fact that he ditched me!

MumoftwoNC · 21/12/2025 15:33

What a wonderful birthday present. He’s essentially broken up with me

Yes, this is the best thing he can do for you

Unescorted · 21/12/2025 15:33

He has given you the best gift of a life without him in it. Take the gift and run for the hills girl.

YodasHairyButt · 21/12/2025 15:33

Get your parcel and then go home and don’t look back. His behaviour is ridiculous and his issues are not your problem.

Bavariamaria · 21/12/2025 15:34

soupyspoon · 21/12/2025 15:33

He sounds like he is ND and quite frankly OP, not worth it. If day to day functioning is too difficult for him, and it may well be, then nothing is going to work moving forward, every little day to day nuance or minutiae that has to be deal with or managed or navigated through will lead to situations like this, you trying to make up for his failings and having to effectively parent him and then getting a load of grief for it.

Trust me.

Fuck's sakes, being neuro divergent does not generally lead to doing this sort of thing in a fucking supermarket 🙄

pinkyredrose · 21/12/2025 15:34

Thought you'd left him in Greenland from the title! What the fuck about the frozen aisle is triggering for him and why the fuck did he act like a randy teenage boy?

I think you're well rid.

Hankunamatata · 21/12/2025 15:35

We are nd family. I would have punched dh in the face if he did that in the supermarket - groping and being sensually rude

Overthebow · 21/12/2025 15:35

You’re better off without him, his behavior is awful and you deserve much better.

CatAsstrophe · 21/12/2025 15:35

soupyspoon · 21/12/2025 15:33

He sounds like he is ND and quite frankly OP, not worth it. If day to day functioning is too difficult for him, and it may well be, then nothing is going to work moving forward, every little day to day nuance or minutiae that has to be deal with or managed or navigated through will lead to situations like this, you trying to make up for his failings and having to effectively parent him and then getting a load of grief for it.

Trust me.

More likely he's a fucking abusive twat/man-baby rather than ND.

soupyspoon · 21/12/2025 15:35

Bavariamaria · 21/12/2025 15:34

Fuck's sakes, being neuro divergent does not generally lead to doing this sort of thing in a fucking supermarket 🙄

Its a complete melt down with OP on the receiving end of it.

Obviously he cant manage such situations and therefore cant really manage life, you cant have relationships with people like that

vanillalattes · 21/12/2025 15:36

soupyspoon · 21/12/2025 15:33

He sounds like he is ND and quite frankly OP, not worth it. If day to day functioning is too difficult for him, and it may well be, then nothing is going to work moving forward, every little day to day nuance or minutiae that has to be deal with or managed or navigated through will lead to situations like this, you trying to make up for his failings and having to effectively parent him and then getting a load of grief for it.

Trust me.

No. He sounds like a fucking useless arsehole.

He may also be ND but if he is, it's totally irrelevant to the thread. Let's stop with the constant assumptions on here that neurodivergent people are somehow totally incapable of behaving properly in public - it's bloody offensive.

Clefable · 21/12/2025 15:36

Eh? He was making gestures with his penis in front of children? He’s lucky he wasn’t arrested.

Read this back to yourself, OP. Is this a man you want to take to family gatherings, social events, maybe start a family with one day?

No. Get the hell out of there and thank Christ for the lucky escape.

EmpressaurusKitty · 21/12/2025 15:36

You’re going to be so much better off without him.

I thought you were going to have left him on a very cold island somewhere, in which case he might have had cause for complaint. Get home & you’ll just be in time to pick up some lovely food. Have a relaxing Christmas Day with plenty of treats & recognise that you’ve had a lucky escape.

Deafnotdumb · 21/12/2025 15:36

Get the parcel and and plan your ideal lazy Christmas at home. Favourite food, wine, and a gift for yourself.

This year is not ideal. But going forward you won't have this idiot in your life.

Toddlerteaplease · 21/12/2025 15:36

You are well shot of him.

DirtyGertiefromno30 · 21/12/2025 15:36

What a smashing birthday present getting rid of that dickhead , get out of there asap and go home .

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 21/12/2025 15:36

Presumably you are his gf not therapist? Head home and breathe a huge fucking sigh of relief he is an ex....
Block and get yourself some lovely Christmas food in. Shelves are still full.

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