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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For leaving my boyfriend in the frozen isle

747 replies

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:27

I came to stay with him for the week to spend Christmas together (3 hours by train) Yesterday we went food shopping because he didn’t have any food in. He’s always been very clear that food shopping is super triggering for him so normally he orders online but this week he hadn’t and we were starving.

On the way he even joked that this could end badly and we might break up. Haha. Because nothing says comedy like foreshadowing your own relationship ending in the frozen isle

Anyway, we get there and he’s acting manic. He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around. People noticed. Embarrassing doesn’t even cover it. I told him to stop, and he countered with loudly accusing me of being embarrassed of him which just drew more attention.

I tried to soldier on because maybe this is his coping mechanism. We’re almost done, he asks a question about which salmon we should choose. I zone out. He snaps at me, says you’re supposed to be helping, you know how hard this is for me. I remind him I have been helping but he keeps pushing. People are staring again so I say I’m not having an argument with you in the fish aisle, I will walk out if you don’t stop.

Then in the frozen aisle he snaps again at me because I said I don’t want ice cream and earlier I had said I wanted ice cream. so I just walked out. Left him there with a trolley full of food and walked back to his.
Back at his house he shuts himself away on the sofa. I went to bed alone. Today I try to talk to him, he wants to be left alone and doesn’t want to talk to me, apparently walking out was the worst thing I could have done. I abandoned him in the most triggering environment possible, what I did was shocking to him, he doesn’t want to talk to me, doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me anymore and when pushed if he wants to break up says he said he hasn’t thought about it and just wants to be left alone.
oh and it gets better, it’s my Birthday tomorrow, we had plans for him to take me to dinner, he said he won’t kick me out on my birthday (how lovely) but will continue sleeping on the sofa and I should let him know when he should drop me back off at the station.

He’s currently asleep now on the sofa. What a wonderful birthday present. He’s essentially broken up with me the day before my Birthday. I don’t know the area, it’s far too late to make any plans for either my birthday or Christmas. I don’t know when I’ll go home, I have a parcel coming to his house tomorrow morning and I’m pretty certain I’ll never be back so I think I need to stay here for that and then do the 3 hour train ride back on my Birthday, alone, to then spend Christmas alone. Plus I haven’t slept yet and my eyes are all swollen and puffy from crying so I don’t know if I fancy doing the journey back in this state.

OP posts:
Forever1973 · 21/12/2025 15:44

It sounds as though he has mental health issues. I could understand someone being unable to cope in the environment of a busy supermarket just before Christmas, but the silent treatment afterwards would be a complete no from me. I can't bear sulkers, male or female, and I would never stay in a relationship with someone who gave me the silent treatment.

HippopotamusForChristmas · 21/12/2025 15:44

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:40

Word for word last message he sent me

I don’t care if I dropped my pants and helicoptered my knob in the veg aisle, you doing that was fucking shocking to me. However minor and unimportant it no doubt is to you. So I remain fuvking furious and upset, and, for the last time, shattered. Can I be left alone now

🤣🤣🤣

CatAsstrophe · 21/12/2025 15:44

soupyspoon · 21/12/2025 15:38

I work with many service users who are ND who display very difficult behaviour in public, will become very defensive about it and argue its not and its someone elses fault

Many people with ND are completely appropriate, most are, but that sort of wild and unreasonable and illogical behaviour is a communication of the melt down. Completely extreme.

You cant have a realtionship with someone like that, you couldnt live a normal life.

The OP has confirmed he is NOT ND.

I'm very pleased to read he's not because I'm sick of the same offensive shit being trotted out when someone behaves badly 'ooooh, they must be ND'. Erm, no. He's just an abusive arsehole.

TwistedWonder · 21/12/2025 15:45

JFC - if this is actually real, pack your bags, get the train home and block him on every communication channel possible.

Hes basically attempted to sexually assault you in fucking Sainsbury’s

Hallywally · 21/12/2025 15:45

Being ND doesn’t make a man a bloody pervert, which this bloke clearly is. The whole thing is beyond peculiar.

Jellycatspyjamas · 21/12/2025 15:45

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:40

Word for word last message he sent me

I don’t care if I dropped my pants and helicoptered my knob in the veg aisle, you doing that was fucking shocking to me. However minor and unimportant it no doubt is to you. So I remain fuvking furious and upset, and, for the last time, shattered. Can I be left alone now

What have I just read? He thinks he can behave any way he likes and you need to put up with it? You setting an appropriate boundary is shocking? Fuck me, some men are truly awful.

Contycont · 21/12/2025 15:45

See if you can get your delivery rerouted and go home and don't look back. Christmas alone is way better than Christmas with an abusive man child such as this. His present to you was a chance to see his true behaviour and a chance to escape!

vanillalattes · 21/12/2025 15:45

soupyspoon · 21/12/2025 15:44

Its not just general shitty behaviour though is it, its wild, completely and utterly inexplicable. All behaviour is communication remember.

In any case, we're all agreed she needs to never see or hear from him again. Lucky escape OP, sorry for a terrible time, but treat yourself to something fabulous.

Yes, and to pin it on ND without any proof is incredibly offensive - as someone who claims to work with neurodiverse people, you should know better.

ProfessorRizz · 21/12/2025 15:45

YABU because I thought this would be a thread about leaving your OH in Greenland. As it turns out, you meant frozen aisle.

Jellycatspyjamas · 21/12/2025 15:46

soupyspoon · 21/12/2025 15:44

Its not just general shitty behaviour though is it, its wild, completely and utterly inexplicable. All behaviour is communication remember.

In any case, we're all agreed she needs to never see or hear from him again. Lucky escape OP, sorry for a terrible time, but treat yourself to something fabulous.

Yeah and he’s communicating he’s an abusive arsehole.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 21/12/2025 15:46

Forever1973 · 21/12/2025 15:44

It sounds as though he has mental health issues. I could understand someone being unable to cope in the environment of a busy supermarket just before Christmas, but the silent treatment afterwards would be a complete no from me. I can't bear sulkers, male or female, and I would never stay in a relationship with someone who gave me the silent treatment.

So you’d stay with him even if he sexually assaulted you in a shop? I think the silent treatment is somewhat secondary to that (although still abusive).

vanillalattes · 21/12/2025 15:46

CatAsstrophe · 21/12/2025 15:44

The OP has confirmed he is NOT ND.

I'm very pleased to read he's not because I'm sick of the same offensive shit being trotted out when someone behaves badly 'ooooh, they must be ND'. Erm, no. He's just an abusive arsehole.

Exactly, it happens all the time on here and it's bloody horrible.

Some people are just fucking arseholes.

Toothfairy89 · 21/12/2025 15:46

Take this as the gift it is, be greatful you're rid of this arsehole

Anxiety around supermarkets causes him to gesture with his knob and pull up your skirt? Fuck off!

He's basically saying he can do whatever he wants to you and you have to tolerate it because he's "anxious" and "triggered". You don't have to tolerate poor behaviour from someone because of their mental health. Especially not groping/SA. A situation completely of his own making as he hadn't prepared with an online shop

Lostsoultrip · 21/12/2025 15:47

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 21/12/2025 15:42

He can be arrested for what he did. What you did was the logical response to his behaviour. Maybe remind him of that before you block him.

I would agree with this. I would leave, forget the parcel and just go. Then send him a message telling him he's lucky you aren't calling the police and telling him he needs to get his shit together. His behaviour is utterly bizarre and downright inappropriate. He's more than got a screw loose.

Baahbaahmutton · 21/12/2025 15:47

I am always curious on mumsnet, where do you find these guys?

DahlsChickenz · 21/12/2025 15:47

OP he's already done a number on you if you think you're responsible for any of this. He's a revolting maniac. He sexually harassed you repeatedly and was totally inappropriate around children. These are u imaginable vast red flags. I expect he's bluffing about breaking up with you in order to train you to behave the way he wants but please save yourself for the guaranteed lifetime of abuse you'd be signing up for by staying with him, get yourself out of there and block him on everything.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 21/12/2025 15:47

I couldn’t possibly have a sexual relationship with a man who says that food shopping is ‘super triggering’.
He’s obviously a man who has been indulged by those around him, and i wouldn’t allow myself to be the latest adult to do so.

That one sentence would have sealed his doom for me.

TwistedWonder · 21/12/2025 15:47

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:40

Word for word last message he sent me

I don’t care if I dropped my pants and helicoptered my knob in the veg aisle, you doing that was fucking shocking to me. However minor and unimportant it no doubt is to you. So I remain fuvking furious and upset, and, for the last time, shattered. Can I be left alone now

He’s a fucking batshit mental abusive cunt

Why just why are you even debating what to do?

Might have been better if he had got his dick out in Tesco - at least he’d be in a cell were he belongs

Forever1973 · 21/12/2025 15:48

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 21/12/2025 15:46

So you’d stay with him even if he sexually assaulted you in a shop? I think the silent treatment is somewhat secondary to that (although still abusive).

It's hard to judge what happened in the supermarket without having been there.

TwistedWonder · 21/12/2025 15:48

Baahbaahmutton · 21/12/2025 15:47

I am always curious on mumsnet, where do you find these guys?

Cunts R Us

Silverbirchleaf · 21/12/2025 15:48

“He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around.”

That’s gross. Why would you want to stay with him after this?

Go home and get yourself a lively takeaway for your birthday.

Happy birthday for tomorrow!

soupyspoon · 21/12/2025 15:48

vanillalattes · 21/12/2025 15:45

Yes, and to pin it on ND without any proof is incredibly offensive - as someone who claims to work with neurodiverse people, you should know better.

Lol, I have seen this behaviour a lot unfortunately and its very much about their coping strategies and behaviour management and no amount of training can help some, but helps others. This is at the extreme end of course and it was a suggestion from me, Im not diagnosing anyone or pinning it on, he might be, he might not, its what sprung to mind hearing the outlandish behaviour and behaviour afterwards.

Its not that unusual in my client group, sorry to shock you.

Pootle23 · 21/12/2025 15:48

Are you dating a toddler?

Run, as fast as you can. I don’t care if it’s “triggering”, his behaviour is plain weird. He needs to grow up. How the hell does he think people dealt with shopping before home delivery! He’s a pathetic waste of space.

Leave and date an adult. Sorry he ruined your Birthday.

RitaandtheTiarasgonewiththewind · 21/12/2025 15:48

Hankunamatata · 21/12/2025 15:32

So his way of coping in supermarket is to grope you and make indecent comments intent of other people?????
No that's not triggering that's being a total dick

Coping strategy ..what a load of bollocks.
What was his coping strategy whilst not with a Gf /partner?
Get rid of he's a prick!

Brefugee · 21/12/2025 15:49

i think you need to take birthday and christmas out of it, unfortunately.

Tell him you are leaving now. And go. And never go/look back.

Next year's birthday will be better. Flowers