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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For leaving my boyfriend in the frozen isle

747 replies

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:27

I came to stay with him for the week to spend Christmas together (3 hours by train) Yesterday we went food shopping because he didn’t have any food in. He’s always been very clear that food shopping is super triggering for him so normally he orders online but this week he hadn’t and we were starving.

On the way he even joked that this could end badly and we might break up. Haha. Because nothing says comedy like foreshadowing your own relationship ending in the frozen isle

Anyway, we get there and he’s acting manic. He kept grabbing my chest, pulling my skirt up (not fully but still uncomfortable) he’s making gestures with his penis and making inappropriate comments, there were kids around. People noticed. Embarrassing doesn’t even cover it. I told him to stop, and he countered with loudly accusing me of being embarrassed of him which just drew more attention.

I tried to soldier on because maybe this is his coping mechanism. We’re almost done, he asks a question about which salmon we should choose. I zone out. He snaps at me, says you’re supposed to be helping, you know how hard this is for me. I remind him I have been helping but he keeps pushing. People are staring again so I say I’m not having an argument with you in the fish aisle, I will walk out if you don’t stop.

Then in the frozen aisle he snaps again at me because I said I don’t want ice cream and earlier I had said I wanted ice cream. so I just walked out. Left him there with a trolley full of food and walked back to his.
Back at his house he shuts himself away on the sofa. I went to bed alone. Today I try to talk to him, he wants to be left alone and doesn’t want to talk to me, apparently walking out was the worst thing I could have done. I abandoned him in the most triggering environment possible, what I did was shocking to him, he doesn’t want to talk to me, doesn’t want to spend Christmas with me anymore and when pushed if he wants to break up says he said he hasn’t thought about it and just wants to be left alone.
oh and it gets better, it’s my Birthday tomorrow, we had plans for him to take me to dinner, he said he won’t kick me out on my birthday (how lovely) but will continue sleeping on the sofa and I should let him know when he should drop me back off at the station.

He’s currently asleep now on the sofa. What a wonderful birthday present. He’s essentially broken up with me the day before my Birthday. I don’t know the area, it’s far too late to make any plans for either my birthday or Christmas. I don’t know when I’ll go home, I have a parcel coming to his house tomorrow morning and I’m pretty certain I’ll never be back so I think I need to stay here for that and then do the 3 hour train ride back on my Birthday, alone, to then spend Christmas alone. Plus I haven’t slept yet and my eyes are all swollen and puffy from crying so I don’t know if I fancy doing the journey back in this state.

OP posts:
Overtheatlantic · 21/12/2025 16:07

Sounds like he’s used to being abusive and having that behaviour accepted. This will feel like an awful Christmas and birthday for you, but one day I hope you think to yourself, “I’m so glad that twat broke up with me.” 💐

Couldyounot · 21/12/2025 16:07

On the basis of all this, the bloke's completely off his head. You need to get home.

Summerhillsquare · 21/12/2025 16:07

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:01

Oops, I did mean aisle. At this stage I’d have welcomed the island.

I’ve been really thinking that I did something awful and feeling terrible about it. I even spent 4 hours cleaning his house last night to try to make it up to him when he went out (didn’t even tell me he was going out just left me here alone) I’m mental. I’ve genuinely been feeling like I did something truly awful by leaving him

His behaviour is nasty and weird, but overall this seems childish. Are you both young and inexperienced? Why take someone to a supermarket who says they are 'triggered' by it?

FOJN · 21/12/2025 16:08

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:40

Word for word last message he sent me

I don’t care if I dropped my pants and helicoptered my knob in the veg aisle, you doing that was fucking shocking to me. However minor and unimportant it no doubt is to you. So I remain fuvking furious and upset, and, for the last time, shattered. Can I be left alone now

He's telling you that anxiety gives him a free pass to behave as he likes and you were unsupportive by not tolerating it.

Can you re-direct your parcel?

If you need to stay for the parcel I'd think about booking into a hotel tonight, collecting your parcel tomorrow and then going home.

Birthday, Christmas or even the rest of your life alone would be better than spending it with this immature waste of space. Don't wait for him to confirm it's over, get some self respect and tell him you're done. Stop begging for crumbs, this man doesn't behave as if he even likes you.

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:08

He’s well into his 40’s

OP posts:
FerriswheelsKissesandLilacs · 21/12/2025 16:08

Wait, am I getting this right- He is "triggered" by having to choose salmon, but you are not allowed to be "triggered" by him sexually assaulting you in public, and he's allowed to act however he wants but if you set a boundary that you do not want to be around that behaviour, you're in the wrong? This man is a walking red flag.

fashionqueen0123 · 21/12/2025 16:09

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:36

He’s not ND. He has anxiety in supermarkets, mainly around decision making. He’s been very vocal about how hard he finds it, I’ve been made to feel awful, like I’ve done something really awful to him. It’s horrible, just getting silent treatment at the moment till I can go home

I’m sorry but what?! Anxiety around making decisions on food. That can not be real. Sounds like he just can’t be arsed to go shopping. Does he know we have to eat food to live?!
How can you take this seriously. Leave him in the aisle and run!!!

EmbroideredGardener · 21/12/2025 16:09

So he's a flasher because he can'tchoose between egg and chips or spaghetti for dinner? Sorry but that behaviour is absolutely dispicable no matter what trauma he went through, and if he was seriously anxious about physically going into a shop why did he allow himself to get to the point with no food in the house? Sounds like a big pile of excuses to act like an absolute twat tbh. You're well rid

Neverflyingagain · 21/12/2025 16:09

He tried to sexually assault you in the supermarket. He also engaged in hugely inappropriate behaviour in front of children. He's lucky he wasn't lifted by security and given a bed in the cells for the night.
Whether he is neurodivergent or not, he has some major issues in not knowing how to behave in social situations.
Can you divert the parcel? Do you really need it that badly that you will stay in his house another night?

sloth75 · 21/12/2025 16:10

What he done was assault you. Get out of there as soon as you can and never look back.

Boomer55 · 21/12/2025 16:10

The only thing food shopping triggers in me is aisle rage. 😳

Silverbirchleaf · 21/12/2025 16:11

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 15:40

Word for word last message he sent me

I don’t care if I dropped my pants and helicoptered my knob in the veg aisle, you doing that was fucking shocking to me. However minor and unimportant it no doubt is to you. So I remain fuvking furious and upset, and, for the last time, shattered. Can I be left alone now

Please leave him alone. Permanently leave him alone. This behaviour is so unforgivable and horrific, and he was lucky the police weren’t called. It’s so wrong in many ways.

EmeraldRoulette · 21/12/2025 16:11

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:08

He’s well into his 40’s

He's a lying pervert is all

fashionqueen0123 · 21/12/2025 16:11

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:08

He’s well into his 40’s

You’ve had a lucky escape from an abusive man who has gaslit you.
Start your birthday and Christmas and the new year without that on your shoulder!

nunsflipflop · 21/12/2025 16:11

I was expecting him to be a young man aged in his mid 20’s, the fact that he’s well into his 40’s shocks me.

Throw this one back, get your parcel in the morning and go home. Christmas alone is so much more ideal than one more day with this man!

Fluffyholeysocks · 21/12/2025 16:11

What attracted you to a man that makes innappropriate gestures with his penis when 'triggered' by food shopping?

333FionaG · 21/12/2025 16:11

Go home. Forget the parcel. That can be sorted out another day. Pack your stuff and get to the station. You'll have a quiet, peaceful Christmas and time to reflect on making 2026 a better year for you. He sounds a scary, angry, abusive man and you don't deserve this. You've got time to buy some nice food and a bottle of fizz ready for the day itself. Christmas alone is far going to be far, far better than Christmas with a man like him.

Rosscameasdoody · 21/12/2025 16:11

Your birthday gift is the best possible one. The gift of him breaking up with you. Take it and run. Don’t look back.

ThatCalmFinch · 21/12/2025 16:12

Write the parcel off and leave now, plan something nice for your birthday on the way home.

FOJN · 21/12/2025 16:12

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:08

He’s well into his 40’s

Oh FFS, chuck him back. Aren't you embarrassed by his behaviour at the supermarket and his tantruming since. He's an abusive POS.

Go home, grab something nice for your Christmas dinner, block him and enjoy the peace.

fashionqueen0123 · 21/12/2025 16:12

Plus if he has ‘anxiety’ over choosing spag bol or fish fingers god help him when he has some actual real life decisions to make 🤣

Isayitasitis · 21/12/2025 16:13

soupyspoon · 21/12/2025 15:33

He sounds like he is ND and quite frankly OP, not worth it. If day to day functioning is too difficult for him, and it may well be, then nothing is going to work moving forward, every little day to day nuance or minutiae that has to be deal with or managed or navigated through will lead to situations like this, you trying to make up for his failings and having to effectively parent him and then getting a load of grief for it.

Trust me.

WTF!!!!

Where the heck did you get ND about that?

So now trying to grab someone inappropriately in a public place is being ND?

You can absolutely piss right off with your shoddy armchair diagnosis, quite frankly, how bloody insulting!

Shedeboodinia · 21/12/2025 16:13

He sounds mentally unwell also, do you really want a long term relatjonship with someone you can never go food shopping with. Its a basic necessity.
I think it's best to throw him into the sea. This was all over food shopping and he was acting like a deranged perv in the supermarket. Can you imagine a life like this? What a loon.

PickledElectricity · 21/12/2025 16:13

Sadly11 · 21/12/2025 16:08

He’s well into his 40’s

Oh my lord!

Go home OP and enjoy a peaceful Christmas on your own. You still have time to do your own shopping.

Wishimaywishimight · 21/12/2025 16:13

'Supermarket anxiety' - I've heard it all!