Christmas would not happen without me

[zoeb92]

More of a rant than anything… feel free to tell me to suck it up.
Every year it’s the same thing. I do everything. Husband does F all.
I have to think for him — for absolutely everything. Are we hosting? If so: Christmas food shop, inviting everyone, getting the house ready, sorting the logistics. All me.
Gifts? I start shopping in October. DS’s presents were bought by the first week of November. His family’s presents were all bought on my weekends off, while he spends his Wednesday off going for breakfast with friends and then the gym.
I’m nine months pregnant, and I battled the shops on the last Saturday before Christmas — fighting for a parking space — just to get something suitable for his mum because he’d left it too late. I’ve spent two hours wrapping everything while he’s been at work. Fine.
Now I still need to spend another two hours doing the housework and cooking dinner. Then he texts to say he’s out this evening with his dad for a Christmas pint. He never goes out — but honestly, it just feels like if I didn’t do everything, nothing would happen.
I’ve even bought a gift from his nephew to his mum (who’s the guardian), because I didn’t want my MIL waking up on Christmas morning to nothing. Do I get any thanks for thinking that far ahead? Of course not.
I’m absolutely fuming. I’d just like a little bit of appreciation.
I’ve even had to wrap my own Christmas presents — which I bought myself, by the way.

The answer is you stop. His family his problem, he doesn’t do it because he doesn’t have to. You have enabled him to be a man child, and all the time you carry on doing it he will let you.

time for a conversation about pulling his weight.

And you are doing all this because...?
Your husband managed to buy gifts for his family and generally to look after himself before you met him. Did he ask you to do any of it? I'm guessing, not. I am guessing, like many women out there you volunteered to pick up these tasks. So it's a bit silly to expect appreciation for doing something that nobody else cares about.
I'm not saying that to minimise your efforts. I am saying it to give you permission to stop this martyrdom. He doesn't care and neither should you.

I mean I agree with PP. if you love him and it’s not relationship ending tell him calmly in the new year that you’ve found it way too much and are stepping back. And do it!

Yabu to do that knowing you’ll get no thanks

if you must just order online no need to go out

Next time, give him fair warning that you won't be buying gifts for any of his family, and then don't.

I feel your pain. I am sitting at the top of the stairs after having just had a mini meltdown to my husband.
Been asking for help for weeks and am always met with “just relax it will all come together” - it only comes together because I put it together.

Got visitors this evening which I am too shattered to deal with. Thinking of doing a Julia , wrapping my head in tinsel and walking out the door . Iykyk.

YABU to do it. Why are you doing it? Get your DS some presents and stop there. If you don’t want to host, don’t. Forget about buying stuff for his family. If they get nothing it’s his fault. I don’t do Christmas, I don’t host or do presents, I ignore its existence entirely and have a wonderful stress-free December ever year. The world hasn’t fallen in.

Why are you being such a mug?

I put YABU simply because you are totally enabling him. Especially with his family stuff. FFS stop. You're not going to get any appreciation.

Ynbu, but you've made a rod for your own back by starting it. Tell him this is the last year. Very nicely give him a list next year. His family etc. If he doesn't do it, not your problem. Get him helping this year with dinner. Vegs etc. The more you do the less they do. Godpod luck with the baby and enjoy all your hard work. Merry Christmas 🎅

Just. Stop. Doing. It.

Sort your DS’s presents, have food in for DS to enjoy, then stop.

It isn’t obligatory.

YANBU to be raging but the only person who can change it is you. I refuse to put up with this shit from my husband, if anything, he should really do more than me at this time of year as I work in retail so it’s my busiest time and that lucky bastard he gets 2 weeks off. His mother expected me to take on responsibilities for remembering everyone’s birthdays and shit and I politely refused.

I don’t write Christmas cards to DH family, I write all mine then hand him the box and tell him to. I take him shopping for his family but I don’t do it without him. I do not do his family birthday cards or gifts- the best I’ll do is remind him. He has to arrange visiting his family and coordinating us all to go with him. He’s a fully functioning adult who can hold down a job without me wiping his arse so he can do this much! Everything else is me, even buying my own present!

You are totally unreasonable

you are being a mug

it may be too late for Christmas but change yourself

you don’t need to do the housework
you don’t need to cook dinner

try words like
”right that’s me done - what time will dinner be ready and don’t forget to clean the toilet “

You are creating your own problems, why are you doing all this for a grown man? Buying your own presents and wrapping them, going out to buy his mums presents at 9 months pregnant. You are making his life way too easy for him!

Why are you being such a doormat? Get a grip and do what you want to do. Leave him to sort his own shit out and stop enabling his rubbish.

Why are you bothering??

Do it and suck it up, tell him not your circus or monkeys or enjoy being single.

I love being single! Happily twice divorced!

Agree with everyone else, YABU because by doing it you’re enabling it.

Do the bits YOU want to do, leave the rest, when shit hits the fan ask him why he wasn’t more prepared. If he doesn’t like what Christmas looks and feels like without him pulling his weight then next year he will know better.

His family’s presents were all bought on my weekends off,

Just why?
Did he ask you?

You've made a rod for your own back. Stop doing everything ... tell him ... we are doing the christmas clean today so you start upstairs with vacuuming ...

I am baffled, amused and infuriated in roughly equal measure by the amount of posts I read on here that are a woman complaining because she has to do a shitload of stuff which, in fact, she does not have to do at all.

Do the bits you want, that make Christmas fun for you and your kids (hint: that’s not running around after a lazy sod; it’s not buying presents for in-laws unless doing so gives you pleasure; it’s not enabling an adult who expect a nine-months pregnant woman to clean a house he lives in).

Christmas, btw, will happen whatever you
do. It might just be different - better? - if you stop martyring yourself or listening to an unwarranted guilty conscience

Really normal not idea why you think it’d be different.

Just why? Dont martyr yourself.

I work part time dh works full time.
i do -
our kids (dh does choose odd bits)
my family
teachers
dog walker
cards
decorate house (with kids)

dh does-
my pressies and card
his family
Puts tree up
puts lights up
gets everything out the loft

We share the cooking and cleaning.

Stop doing everything, otherwise you will end up doing everything for the baby too

YABU. You are enabling his behaviour so can’t complain about it now.