To dump DP after what happened last night

[Relationshipover2]

NC’d for this. There have been some minor flags around my DP’s drinking in the past but nothing like what happened last night.

DP was on his work do in town and I was expecting him home late. I got a call about 10pm as I was getting ready for bed and it was from his phone - but when I answered it wasn’t him. It was a colleague who told me I’d need to come and pick him up because taxi’s were refusing to take him because he was covered in sick.

I went to get him, he had to be helped into my car by two colleagues propping him up. He was smashed, had been drinking since 2 on an empty stomach and was an absolute mess with sick all down his jeans.

On the drive back he was barely making sense, he kept saying he wanted to have sex and was turned on. I got him in the house after telling him to take his clothes off in the porch and set up bedding on the sofa (I’ve got a spare room but it’s an office and no bed) and left him to go to sleep.

I heard a load of crashing two hours later, he had fallen over into my coffee table (it collapsed) when walking in the dark. He then told me he had not made it to the bathroom in time and had pissed in the corner of the living room. Bullshit because the bathroom is in the other direction.

This morning he still seemed drunk and got funny with me for not ‘seeing to him’ sexually and then said he’d sort himself out and locked himself in the bathroom for ages.

He has finally sobered up this afternoon and claims he was spiked and is going to make a report to the police.

I am 99% sure that didn’t happen but does anyone think there’s any chance that’s true? I’ve never known him to get that drunk.

Yes but this is mumsnet where every drunk woman was spiked and every drunk man is an arsehole

I don't think he was drugged. He had drunk alcohol on an empty stomach since 2 pm and I think the combo of a cns depressant and that much alcohol could have killed him or put him in the hospital. Also, he would have gotten himself straight to the hospital for a toxic screen if he really thought he was drugged.

Sorry, he's more than likely a run of the mill binge drinker who drank way, way too much on an empty stomach.

What exactly do you mean by he got funny with you when you refused sex? He tried to force you?

I wouldn't tolerate this. He would be replacing the table he broke and giving me money for a deep clean and he'd be out.

He's got a history of overdrinking and then being a sex pest with you. This is that. Big, waving red flags.

Raise it A LOT ! Shouldn't need saying though.😰

Dump him once/if the new coffee table shows up.

Otherwise every time he goes out you will be anticipating this happening again.

“My drink was spiked” is the get out of jail free for all binge drinking twats who can’t follow basic rules of sensible drinking these days. Its so pathetically presumptuous. If he was drinking from 2pm to past 10pm without food he hardly needed for this drink to have been spiked. He’s clearly capable of doing that to himself.

I couldn’t get past this, personally. Imagine being with someone like that with small kids upstairs. Fuck that.

I can honestly say in the nearly 20 years of being married to my husband he has never done this, the only time I’ve ever know him to be sick when drinking was when he has a really dodgy goat curry and ended up being sick down the side of the car (he’d had 2 pints)

Id get rid of him - absolutely vile behaviour

Anyone can make an error of judgement with booze.

Doing it multiple times and being so revolting and unapologetic afterwards would be the issue for me. Definitely not UR to dump
his arse.

He didn't assault her though. Might as well say what if anything.

The first time a man pissed on my carpets would be the last.

As for people telling the OP she’s overreacting, all I can say is, the bar is bloody low with some people.

Are you planning on spending Christmas with him?

Completely agree.
There wouldn’t be another opportunity for him to behave like that.

Well, you might think a woman is safe around a pissed man pestering her for sex, but I don’t.

He pissed in your living room and broke furniture. And then he gets funny about no sex. Bye now. Fucking hell.

It's unreal.

The pestering for sex would revolt me and send him packing >>> close the door on your way out, low-life!

Did you read the OP 1st post properly? Not married, and minor flags around his drinking, plus she's not you, so what you'd do isn't really here or there is it?
Just your opinion.

Ive been in my relationship for 20+ years. If this happened, I certainly wouldn't leave dp over it. Because it would be completely out of character and a rare occurrence.
Completely different if it is happening every week, on multiple occasions and your dealing with an alcoholic.
You need to think about it in the context of your own relationship and dp.

Read what you have posted and ask yourself if you really want to live with this person in the future.

I understand the skepticism, but it does sound as if he may have been more than just drunk?

Horrible to think he behaves like this, is a father.
I’d end this . Don’t accept or tolerate pathetic disgusting behaviour. .

For me it would depend what the relationship is like overall and his attitude now he’s sobered up. I know I’ve gotten into some right states (funny enough often at work events) when I was younger and if he was an otherwise good guy and very very apologetic I could maybe get past it. However it would probably give me the ick for a while and if he ever did it again he’d be gone. I’m a believer in second chances when deserved.

If this isn’t a regular occurrence I’d have a serious chat with him. How gross his behaviour was and especially expecting you to want sex with a vomit drinking drunk! I think if he can’t see it from your point of view I’d seriously consider ending it. It depends what he’s like the rest of the time The spiking allegation does seem like an attempt to wriggle out of taking responsibility. Good luck!

You say he's done this before, which give the lie to the idea of him having been spiked. Accept it in any way and inebriate sex pest will become more of a feature in your life.

For me it would depend on how the relationship is otherwise, and if this is frequent.

no I wouldn’t split up from my husband if he got completely smashed on a Christmas do. I would probably be mad .

I am remembering a time personally when I got embarrassingly drunk about 5 years ago, luckily the throwing up and other embarrassing stuff bit happened after I got home, so my witnesses were limited. I have not really had more then two at a time ever since then

if it happened every week or every month I wouldn’t put up with it. And would definitely say chuck him.

i think lots of people have sailed past their limits at least once in their lives

For me, anyone who has so little self respect and so little respect for me, would be gone for good. Revolting man