To dump DP after what happened last night

[Relationshipover2]

NC’d for this. There have been some minor flags around my DP’s drinking in the past but nothing like what happened last night.

DP was on his work do in town and I was expecting him home late. I got a call about 10pm as I was getting ready for bed and it was from his phone - but when I answered it wasn’t him. It was a colleague who told me I’d need to come and pick him up because taxi’s were refusing to take him because he was covered in sick.

I went to get him, he had to be helped into my car by two colleagues propping him up. He was smashed, had been drinking since 2 on an empty stomach and was an absolute mess with sick all down his jeans.

On the drive back he was barely making sense, he kept saying he wanted to have sex and was turned on. I got him in the house after telling him to take his clothes off in the porch and set up bedding on the sofa (I’ve got a spare room but it’s an office and no bed) and left him to go to sleep.

I heard a load of crashing two hours later, he had fallen over into my coffee table (it collapsed) when walking in the dark. He then told me he had not made it to the bathroom in time and had pissed in the corner of the living room. Bullshit because the bathroom is in the other direction.

This morning he still seemed drunk and got funny with me for not ‘seeing to him’ sexually and then said he’d sort himself out and locked himself in the bathroom for ages.

He has finally sobered up this afternoon and claims he was spiked and is going to make a report to the police.

I am 99% sure that didn’t happen but does anyone think there’s any chance that’s true? I’ve never known him to get that drunk.

I'm so sorry @Relationshipover2 this is awful, you poor thing you must be so upset & livid, I know two years is a long time but honestly you deserve better than this

As to what @Horrorscope said about being assaulted, it might sound alarmist but in fairness who knows, it wasn't the first time which doesn't sound good

You have your own place, your own job I'm presuming & friends so what is he bringing to your life? You can absolutely do (& deserve) better than this 💐

If you want to dump him over it then of course that's reasonable. You don't have to stay with anyone you don't want to. It doesn't matter the reason. And substance abuse is a totally reasonable hard limit to have, even if it's a common and legal substance. But as some PPs have said, if it's out of character then it might not be something you ought to leave him for if you otherwise want to stay together. Whether it's out of character is something only you can decide, given the past incidents.

Good grief. He sounds gross.

I think it depends on other factors
I've had a partner of 20 years do this once to me
I picked him up and he was sick in my car...
I was not impressed as you can imagine
However he has never done it before or since, he was very apologetic the next day and cleaned my car top to bottom,
Plus the main difference is he didn't harass me for sex!

I wouldn't have let him in my car in that state, let alone into my home. Not a good partner at all: LTB.

8 hours drinking on an empty stomach v spiked drink?

Yeah yeah.

Yuk.

The sexual stuff would put me right off.

Good grief @Relationshipover2 , you don’t even live together why on earth did you go and pick him up in the first place you are not his mother and you are not responsible for him . Just send him home and then dump him .

fuck that shit. I would have the ick forever more. Dump

My adult son was arrested one night. The police spoke to him in the morning and said they were pretty sure he'd been spiked. He wasn't tested but the police said he was so radically different they were confident and he wasn't charged with anything despite having assaulted an officer. My son wrote an apology to the poor man and the officer was very gracious about it.

My point being that spiked people behave very differently to how they are afterwards

i think lots of people have sailed past their limits at least once in their lives

@Bhbhhnhnvvghk You're right, I know I have, more than once over the years but I've never pissed in someone's sitting room, smashed a table, vomited all over myself, had colleagues having to send out the Bat signal AND then pestered my OH for sex that night AND the next morning.. there's being embarrassingly drunk & well...

Spiking would have probably seen him "unconscious" not furiously wanking because he was huffy.

I hope he cleaned the piss and sick, and fixed the table... but I suspect not?

Op don't stay in this relationship set the bar much higher than this.
Pissed on the floor and been sick coffee table smashed.
Imagine life with him ... tell him it's done x

Dump him

Things will only get worse , My ex partner had form for going on benders like this . The first time he stayed at mine ten years ago on New Years Eve , he got blotto then accused me of ignoring him all evening then pissed in my bed . And blamed me !
I stupidly stayed with the POS for two years due before walking away after one of his drunken rages. Thank fully he lived two hours from me and we were too old to share children . .
apparently he’s getting married at last (we are in our fifties ) I feel nothing but sympathy for his poor wife to to be .
Even if he had been spiked (and I’m the pope.. 🙄) his behaviour the next morning is disgusting

I doubt very much your partner has his drink spiked, it's highly likely that drinking from 2 pm on an empty stomach was the cause! Of course men can have their drink spiked, just as women can. Given that your partner doesn't appear to have a 'stop' button, and drinks to excessive, then I'd be very wary. Yes, occasionally we all have one too many and get drunk, but your description gives the impression that he's ended up in this state a few times since you've been dating. Meeting your friend and her husband, even allowing for nerves, he then gets blotto, it's hardly going to show him in the best light. Once he starts drinking, all common sense goes out the window and he's incapable of stopping - that's a red flag as far as I'm concerned. It's someone who has the potential (if not already) to become an alcoholic. The fact you had to pick up a sick covered, drunk, talking gibberish is bad enough but then he broke your table and pissed in the corner of your lounge. This morning he seemed to think that you'd be up for sex....and made some pathetic excuse that his drink had been spiked to justify his behaviour!! You need to end the relationship, because I think this behaviour will become the normal.

This.

If it really was out of character and he’s mortified and sorry I’d accept it.

Happened again ….. it would be goodbye from me.

He's clearly a keeper 🤔

Even though he has in essence shown absolutely zero respect for her or her property, made vile comments to her about not doing sexual things for him, lied about not making it to the toilet then damaged her house by urinating in the corner, and has made absolutely no attempts according to this report to apologise for his behaviour the night before - instead he actually doubled down on it by making the comment about having to sort himself out and lock himself in the bathroom! You think she is overreacting not putting up being treated in such a manner? Seriously?

What alcohol or drug turns a decent person into a coercive sex pest that still has a strop about not being serviced the following morning? None.

It's a fundamental part of his character that just isn't being held back anymore (whether that's because it's genuinely obliterated any impulse control or whether it's being used as an excuse is irrelevant). The coercion, verbal aggression and entitlement was there all the time.

Well it depends doesn’t it on whether this was a completely unprecedented one off or whether he likes his drink and this is a regular or semi regular event.

Most of us have disgraced ourselves with drink one time or another.

But if you’re the kind of person who can’t take your drink and you become nasty and lose control of bodily functions then you need to quit alcohol.

It’s not impossible that he’s been spiked. I don’t think we would disbelieve a woman would we?

I suppose the question would be- why would someone spike his drink? Anyone spiking drinks is either looking to commit sexual offences or rob the person, and they would chose their victims where they can easily get them alone to commit said acts.

From the sounds of it your DP was with friends/colleagues all day/night right up until you were called. He is an unlikely targeting for random predatory spiking (unless it was a colleague, which I'm not saying never happens, but how likely is that?)

If he was drinking from 2 until 10 on an empty stomach I'm not surprised he was in the state he was in.

If he is serious about the spiking he needs to go to the Police today to make a report and get a blood test (hospital won't do it without police referral). If he is using this as an excuse for his behaviour he will go and get a test, don't let him fob you off with 'oh I was spiked' but he won't go and get any actual proof.

Raise your standards a hell of a lot higher than a man who drinks so much he vomits all over himself, can't get a cab home and pees in your spare room.

As for him being spiked - why would anyone pay to spike him? What would be in it for them, eh?

Every time I read a thread like this, I wonder what it is that makes some women set the bar so low.

Op said he got funny with her because she didn’t ‘see to him’ sexually. No, no way would I ever stay with someone like that.

The way he pestered you for sex and expected you to satisfy him (with sick breath and having pissed on your carpet) has nothing to do with being spiked, if he was. Which he wasn’t - he just wants to get away with the behaviour as he has severely embarrassed himself.

I don’t think anything he could’ve spiked with would make him behave like this more than his drinking for hours after no food. It’s just drink. It was his choice to get into that state. Dump him.