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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To dump DP after what happened last night

284 replies

Relationshipover2 · 13/12/2025 15:26

NC’d for this. There have been some minor flags around my DP’s drinking in the past but nothing like what happened last night.

DP was on his work do in town and I was expecting him home late. I got a call about 10pm as I was getting ready for bed and it was from his phone - but when I answered it wasn’t him. It was a colleague who told me I’d need to come and pick him up because taxi’s were refusing to take him because he was covered in sick.

I went to get him, he had to be helped into my car by two colleagues propping him up. He was smashed, had been drinking since 2 on an empty stomach and was an absolute mess with sick all down his jeans.

On the drive back he was barely making sense, he kept saying he wanted to have sex and was turned on. I got him in the house after telling him to take his clothes off in the porch and set up bedding on the sofa (I’ve got a spare room but it’s an office and no bed) and left him to go to sleep.

I heard a load of crashing two hours later, he had fallen over into my coffee table (it collapsed) when walking in the dark. He then told me he had not made it to the bathroom in time and had pissed in the corner of the living room. Bullshit because the bathroom is in the other direction.

This morning he still seemed drunk and got funny with me for not ‘seeing to him’ sexually and then said he’d sort himself out and locked himself in the bathroom for ages.

He has finally sobered up this afternoon and claims he was spiked and is going to make a report to the police.

I am 99% sure that didn’t happen but does anyone think there’s any chance that’s true? I’ve never known him to get that drunk.

OP posts:
Largestlegocollectionever · 13/12/2025 15:28

Urghhhh no way would I put up with this or get past it, yes I’d finish with someone for this behaviour as guaranteed this isn’t the first or last time!!!

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 13/12/2025 15:29

Ltb and don't look back.. My ex used to get into a state most Sundays and piss in my wardrobe..
He used to makee ring in sick for him regularly on a Monday..
Thankfully you haven't married him op. Easier to get rid.

TheatricalLife · 13/12/2025 15:29

I'm usually quite understanding about someone having a few too many and being a bit silly, but his revolting behaviour about sex this morning would be an immediate binning offence. Absolutely no way back for me after that.

LiftAndLetLift · 13/12/2025 15:30

Of course he's lying about being spiked.

If he's usually a wonderful, caring, fantastic partner and never given you a moment of hurt then I'd forgive.

If it's the latest in a string of selfish behaviours, I'd dump.

RhaenysRocks · 13/12/2025 15:30

It happened to an ex of mine. Really good guy and it was totally out of character. He rang me at 2am, with no idea where he was, no coat, no wallet. Very disoriented. I managed to persuade a taxi firm to bring him home and I paid them. However none of that excuses his behaviour this morning.

muggart · 13/12/2025 15:30

no, no way would i end an otherwise happy marriage because my DH had too much to drink as a one off. what an overreaction.

WhatASmashingBlouseYouHaveOn · 13/12/2025 15:31

Drinking from 2pm onwards on an empty stomach was never going to end well was it? Guess you'll never know if his drink was spiked or not, but it sounds like it was a mega drinking session. You say he's raised a few red flags with his drinking before. What were those?

I'd not be happy at all with any of that behaviour 😕. Get rid, I'd say.

Thatsalineallright · 13/12/2025 15:32

He is revolting and doesn't even have the decency to take responsibility and properly apologise. Don't put up with this.

ETA: who cleaned up the piss and fixed the broken table? If it wasn't him, then LTB x1000

GCAcademic · 13/12/2025 15:33

muggart · 13/12/2025 15:30

no, no way would i end an otherwise happy marriage because my DH had too much to drink as a one off. what an overreaction.

She's not married to him, and she doesn't say it's a happy relationship. The only contextual information we have is that there have been red flags around his drinking previously.

Ella31 · 13/12/2025 15:33

Given his past issues with drink, and now this....look ahead with clear eyes to what you could be facing down the line. This behaviour only escalates and that isn't even touching his arrogance in being odd with you regarding sex. Anyone else would be mortified and hiding in shame after a night like that.

Relationshipover2 · 13/12/2025 15:34

WhatASmashingBlouseYouHaveOn · 13/12/2025 15:31

Drinking from 2pm onwards on an empty stomach was never going to end well was it? Guess you'll never know if his drink was spiked or not, but it sounds like it was a mega drinking session. You say he's raised a few red flags with his drinking before. What were those?

I'd not be happy at all with any of that behaviour 😕. Get rid, I'd say.

Mainly just going OTT with the amount he had - first time meeting my best friend and her husband being one time. One other time where he got back from a work do and kept pestering for stuff too.

OP posts:
JustWantsSomeSleep · 13/12/2025 15:34

He’s gross. I’d not put up with that.

MeridianB · 13/12/2025 15:35

This is about the fourth thread I’ve read where a partner gets obliterated through drink, behaves like an animal and then claims they were spiked.

It’s the most pathetic ridiculous excuse for having zero self control and zero respect for you.

The behaviour is appalling but the lying and lack of accountability is such a dealbreaker. Bye bye,

Relationshipover2 · 13/12/2025 15:35

Thatsalineallright · 13/12/2025 15:32

He is revolting and doesn't even have the decency to take responsibility and properly apologise. Don't put up with this.

ETA: who cleaned up the piss and fixed the broken table? If it wasn't him, then LTB x1000

Edited

He cleaned it, but the wall is slightly stained and so will need to see if it needs repainting. He said he will sort it. The table is beyond repair and he says he’ll order a new one.

OP posts:
2025VibeandThrive · 13/12/2025 15:35

Judging by some of the things I have read on here this won’t be the last time he does something like this. I would end it.

Daytimetellyqueen · 13/12/2025 15:35

How long have you been together? Do you have DCs? If you’ve been together a long time & this is the first time / out of character, then I’d be tempted to believe him. That said, if it’s a relatively new relationship / he generally drinks to excess, then I’d get rid as this won’t be the last time he gets himself into a state.

Ella31 · 13/12/2025 15:36

muggart · 13/12/2025 15:30

no, no way would i end an otherwise happy marriage because my DH had too much to drink as a one off. what an overreaction.

She has already flagged drinking issues in the past in her original op and they are not married. It's also a red flag that he is making her feel bad for not having sex with him. And he is doing this the morning after.

This isn't an overreaction. It's boundaries

Relationshipover2 · 13/12/2025 15:36

Daytimetellyqueen · 13/12/2025 15:35

How long have you been together? Do you have DCs? If you’ve been together a long time & this is the first time / out of character, then I’d be tempted to believe him. That said, if it’s a relatively new relationship / he generally drinks to excess, then I’d get rid as this won’t be the last time he gets himself into a state.

2 years, he has kids from a previous relationship and luckily it’s not his weekend with them.

OP posts:
2025VibeandThrive · 13/12/2025 15:36

Just read it’s not the first time he’s got shit faced and behaved badly. Definitely dump him.

AngelofIslington · 13/12/2025 15:37

@muggart she’s not married to him. It doesn’t even sound like they live together.
I absolutely would ltb in this instance. His behaviour last night was bad enough but sort of forgivable if it was a one off but this mornings behaviour was atrocious

Ella31 · 13/12/2025 15:37

Relationshipover2 · 13/12/2025 15:34

Mainly just going OTT with the amount he had - first time meeting my best friend and her husband being one time. One other time where he got back from a work do and kept pestering for stuff too.

The pestering you for sex would concern me.

2025VibeandThrive · 13/12/2025 15:37

Has he been in contact with the police to report his “spiking” OP?

Horrorscope · 13/12/2025 15:38

Is he at all contrite - or just trying to pass the blame onto being spiked?

The sexual pestering is an issue. What if he’d assaulted you. Do you feel safe with him?

smallsilvercloud · 13/12/2025 15:38

This is probably one of the worst posts I’ve heard on here
get rid, he’s gross, he can’t control his drinking and this mornings behaviour is no excuse at all.

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 13/12/2025 15:38

Who the hell would spike him. He’s just ashamed.

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