Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dump DP after what happened last night

284 replies

Relationshipover2 · 13/12/2025 15:26

NC’d for this. There have been some minor flags around my DP’s drinking in the past but nothing like what happened last night.

DP was on his work do in town and I was expecting him home late. I got a call about 10pm as I was getting ready for bed and it was from his phone - but when I answered it wasn’t him. It was a colleague who told me I’d need to come and pick him up because taxi’s were refusing to take him because he was covered in sick.

I went to get him, he had to be helped into my car by two colleagues propping him up. He was smashed, had been drinking since 2 on an empty stomach and was an absolute mess with sick all down his jeans.

On the drive back he was barely making sense, he kept saying he wanted to have sex and was turned on. I got him in the house after telling him to take his clothes off in the porch and set up bedding on the sofa (I’ve got a spare room but it’s an office and no bed) and left him to go to sleep.

I heard a load of crashing two hours later, he had fallen over into my coffee table (it collapsed) when walking in the dark. He then told me he had not made it to the bathroom in time and had pissed in the corner of the living room. Bullshit because the bathroom is in the other direction.

This morning he still seemed drunk and got funny with me for not ‘seeing to him’ sexually and then said he’d sort himself out and locked himself in the bathroom for ages.

He has finally sobered up this afternoon and claims he was spiked and is going to make a report to the police.

I am 99% sure that didn’t happen but does anyone think there’s any chance that’s true? I’ve never known him to get that drunk.

OP posts:
Muffsies · 13/12/2025 16:29

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 13/12/2025 15:38

Who the hell would spike him. He’s just ashamed.

Random people get spiked all the time. I know a very nice couple who both got spiked when they went on a rare night out, they were both behaving very strange and barely made it home after a couple of drinks in the pub. It can happen to anyone and there was a spate of spiking middle-aged people around my area, presumably someone found it funny.

Having said that, I doubt if he was spiked as he had been drinking for several hours on an empty stomach.. it's not much of a mystery.

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 13/12/2025 16:31

It’s possible his drink was spiked, I guess.

ThisOldThang · 13/12/2025 16:31

Muffsies · 13/12/2025 16:29

Random people get spiked all the time. I know a very nice couple who both got spiked when they went on a rare night out, they were both behaving very strange and barely made it home after a couple of drinks in the pub. It can happen to anyone and there was a spate of spiking middle-aged people around my area, presumably someone found it funny.

Having said that, I doubt if he was spiked as he had been drinking for several hours on an empty stomach.. it's not much of a mystery.

Show quote history

A female friend was spiked in a pub last Christmas. We were all sat as a group, so there was no way the (presumably random) spiker was going to be able to take advantage of her. It was very odd.

CandyCaneKisses · 13/12/2025 16:31

Does he not get out much?

Shatteredallthetimelately · 13/12/2025 16:32

No one on here can tell you if his drink had been spiked or not, only what they want you to believe from their perspective.

It's irrelevant though as you say it's not the first time you've had doubts about his behaviour after having a drink, so this should just add to those and help you come to a decision as to whether this is what you want from a relationship.

While there's nothing wrong with having a drink and letting your hair down there's everything wrong in not knowing when to call it a day and stop.

Redpeach · 13/12/2025 16:32

Why would he be spiked? For whose benefit?

Wolverhamptonwanderer · 13/12/2025 16:34

Relationshipover2 · 13/12/2025 15:26

NC’d for this. There have been some minor flags around my DP’s drinking in the past but nothing like what happened last night.

DP was on his work do in town and I was expecting him home late. I got a call about 10pm as I was getting ready for bed and it was from his phone - but when I answered it wasn’t him. It was a colleague who told me I’d need to come and pick him up because taxi’s were refusing to take him because he was covered in sick.

I went to get him, he had to be helped into my car by two colleagues propping him up. He was smashed, had been drinking since 2 on an empty stomach and was an absolute mess with sick all down his jeans.

On the drive back he was barely making sense, he kept saying he wanted to have sex and was turned on. I got him in the house after telling him to take his clothes off in the porch and set up bedding on the sofa (I’ve got a spare room but it’s an office and no bed) and left him to go to sleep.

I heard a load of crashing two hours later, he had fallen over into my coffee table (it collapsed) when walking in the dark. He then told me he had not made it to the bathroom in time and had pissed in the corner of the living room. Bullshit because the bathroom is in the other direction.

This morning he still seemed drunk and got funny with me for not ‘seeing to him’ sexually and then said he’d sort himself out and locked himself in the bathroom for ages.

He has finally sobered up this afternoon and claims he was spiked and is going to make a report to the police.

I am 99% sure that didn’t happen but does anyone think there’s any chance that’s true? I’ve never known him to get that drunk.

Leave him. And I rarely say that on the LTB type posts.

I was with someone like this for most of my 20s. He eventually dumped me. And I thank god every day that he did. I honestly don’t know what I was doing staying with him for so long. It was the most boring and humiliating time of my life, never being able to go and have a nice evening out, or the odd drink, without him doing something totally embarrassing.

Your time and your life are worth more than having to sort out his pathetic behaviour.

schoolfriend · 13/12/2025 16:35

Well I guess it depends how much you like him and what his attitude is to addressing his alcohol issues. He clearly has a problem. Any grown up (ie not teenager who doesn’t know their limits) who gets in that state has some form of alcohol misuse disorder. You don’t need to be the classic ‘alcoholic’ who gets up and start drinking for alcohol to be an issue in your life that needs addressing.

If you feel inclined this could talk to him about behaviour and see if he is open to addressing it (probably means stopping drinking altogether). Equally if that’s not something you want to get involved in, it’s perfectly acceptable to leave him to it

ETA - he’s embarrassed, which is why he’s saying he’s been spiked. If you do want to stick around and support him, don’t shame him, it won’t help. But as I say, it’s perfectly acceptable to leave; this isn’t your problem to fix.

Miiaaoow · 13/12/2025 16:36

I would tell him to get in the car right away so you can report the drink spiking. In fact I would absolutely insist on it as drugs only show up on tests for a short time and we would definitely want to catch the evil drink spiker wouldn’t we?!

Seriously though, I would end it. It’s not just the clear unhealthy relationship with alcohol (which will only ever get worse) but the complete lack of accountability is unacceptable. I’m guessing nothing is his fault and he rarely apologises for things. We get one life, don’t waste it with a man like that.

Eudaimonia11 · 13/12/2025 16:39

What kind of adult goes out drinking on an empty stomach and at no point has any idea that it isn’t a good idea? At no point did he pop out and grab some food from somewhere. It sounds like he can’t look after himself. He can’t make basic decisions to take care of himself. Anyone else would have made sure they ate something and not gone completely overboard with the alcohol. Rather than have a fun boozey day/night, he was an absolute liability! Not hot!

Muffsies · 13/12/2025 16:40

Redpeach · 13/12/2025 16:32

Why would he be spiked? For whose benefit?

Random spiking happens. Presumably people do it for kicks and enjoy the fear and embarassment it creates.

YoureNotGoingOutLikeThat · 13/12/2025 16:40

It's not just so called spiking that is a concern. There is a black market in counterfeit alcohol too (not just in some outlets in backpacker countries) which means that safety standards for consumption are compromised (ie the alcohol might be too strong, too low, not refined etc). Not saying that is the case here or that this is very common but it is an often overlooked risk.

Sometimes, people drink too much and it can hit them suddenly. He doesn't come across like someone who is self aware and takes responsibility before, during or after drinking. He could have been robbed, had an accident or disappeared with someone he didn't know.

How he behaves afterwards gives you clues as to how he views his conduct here. Is he remorseful? Does he see it is a problem? Does he remember pestering you for sex? He should be vowing not to drink to this excess ever again and focusing on making things right. Even then you are within your rights to end the relationship.

HeadDeskHeadDesk · 13/12/2025 16:51

This is now the tedious go-to excuse for anyone who gets disgustingly drunk and makes an anti-social fool of themselves or has some sort of cocaine or weed induced psycotic episode. 'It wasn't my fault, I must have been spiked.'

Offer to accompany him to the police immediately so he can file a report and get a blood test or whatever it is they do, while the 'spike' is still fresh in his system. Insist on it.

JanetareyouokareyouokJanet · 13/12/2025 16:55

Get rid. But after the new coffee table is purchased lol

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 13/12/2025 16:59

Have you spoken to him, when sober, about the pestering for sex? And also about you finding it unacceptable that he comes to your house in such a state?

He should obviously know it’s unacceptable without being told, but if you’re minded not to dump him I think you should be giving him a very clear final warning.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 13/12/2025 17:02

Give yourself an early gift and get rid of this idiot.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 13/12/2025 17:03

YoureNotGoingOutLikeThat · 13/12/2025 16:40

It's not just so called spiking that is a concern. There is a black market in counterfeit alcohol too (not just in some outlets in backpacker countries) which means that safety standards for consumption are compromised (ie the alcohol might be too strong, too low, not refined etc). Not saying that is the case here or that this is very common but it is an often overlooked risk.

Sometimes, people drink too much and it can hit them suddenly. He doesn't come across like someone who is self aware and takes responsibility before, during or after drinking. He could have been robbed, had an accident or disappeared with someone he didn't know.

How he behaves afterwards gives you clues as to how he views his conduct here. Is he remorseful? Does he see it is a problem? Does he remember pestering you for sex? He should be vowing not to drink to this excess ever again and focusing on making things right. Even then you are within your rights to end the relationship.

All his colleagues would have been the same. Lets not excuse vile behaviour

BlueberryOats · 13/12/2025 17:06

I have a friend who is a nightmare on alcohol- only option is a stern talk and for them to have the self realisation that they need to not get drunk. Very wierd behaviour in the morning.

kkloo · 13/12/2025 17:07

Muffsies · 13/12/2025 16:40

Random spiking happens. Presumably people do it for kicks and enjoy the fear and embarassment it creates.

Show quote history

It's actually wild how this is such a common thing, it's so psychopathic to get a kick out of doing that to others that it should be a lot more rare, like that case of the person who put needles in strawberries, but yet it happens in every town.

I have a fear of being out of control, probably because my ex had a drink problem and substance abuse issues, and I'm absolutely terrified about being spiked, it was bad enough when you only had to worry about not leaving your drink unattended but now they often use needles to spike people.

However, I don't think the OPs husband sounds like he was spiked at all.

ThisCanHappen · 13/12/2025 17:08

As is the appropriate response to many MN threads, this one included, is "raise your bar".

Rosealea · 13/12/2025 17:08

He could have been spiked. My 6'3 best friend was and he ended up being r*ped by a guy in a van. It was horrific.

Ultimately it's your choice. Give him the benefit of the doubt and a last chance or don't. You'll never know, but the proof will be on the pudding if he does it again.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 13/12/2025 17:09

If he was spiked, he’d be aware of feeling suddenly inexplicably drunk.

YouBelongWithMe · 13/12/2025 17:10

This will only get worse. Do not have children with this man.

Schoolchoicesucks · 13/12/2025 17:10

I swear I read this exact same thread before. Which means either your DH has done this before or he is not the only one.

As a one-off, I'd be really missed off. If he was mortified by his behaviour and did everything he could to apologise to me and to his colleagues and promised it wouldn't happen again, I'd move on.

If he tried to shrug it off, I'd be concerned this would be the start of a pattern of behaviour, would be worried he could lose his job and it would.make me question whether we had a future.

If it was him who has done this before, I would be making plans to end the relationship unless he could demonstrate he planned to make some big changes.

GreenCandleWax · 13/12/2025 17:11

This is so gross that the OP should have come with a trigger warning for being revolting. Are you actually entertainng the idea of continuing this relationship, OP? Get some standards, kick him out and tell him you are done! There is no way I would ever have this man near me or in my house again. Such disrespect all round. Why did you bring him back to yours if he has a home of his own?😱

Swipe left for the next trending thread