To dump DP after what happened last night

[Relationshipover2]

NC’d for this. There have been some minor flags around my DP’s drinking in the past but nothing like what happened last night.

DP was on his work do in town and I was expecting him home late. I got a call about 10pm as I was getting ready for bed and it was from his phone - but when I answered it wasn’t him. It was a colleague who told me I’d need to come and pick him up because taxi’s were refusing to take him because he was covered in sick.

I went to get him, he had to be helped into my car by two colleagues propping him up. He was smashed, had been drinking since 2 on an empty stomach and was an absolute mess with sick all down his jeans.

On the drive back he was barely making sense, he kept saying he wanted to have sex and was turned on. I got him in the house after telling him to take his clothes off in the porch and set up bedding on the sofa (I’ve got a spare room but it’s an office and no bed) and left him to go to sleep.

I heard a load of crashing two hours later, he had fallen over into my coffee table (it collapsed) when walking in the dark. He then told me he had not made it to the bathroom in time and had pissed in the corner of the living room. Bullshit because the bathroom is in the other direction.

This morning he still seemed drunk and got funny with me for not ‘seeing to him’ sexually and then said he’d sort himself out and locked himself in the bathroom for ages.

He has finally sobered up this afternoon and claims he was spiked and is going to make a report to the police.

I am 99% sure that didn’t happen but does anyone think there’s any chance that’s true? I’ve never known him to get that drunk.

So he's been taking illegal drugs that would show up on a toxic screen.

He's a liar as well as sexually coercive and has problems with binge drinking and drug use. Tell him he has to replace the broken table and pay for a professional clean of the rooms he vomited and pissed in.

You're only two years in. Toss this one back. He will not improve your life.

It gets no better. Bin him off and don’t look back.

There was a spate of people spiking drinks with ketamine in my town. Spiking isn't always done for "date rape", some arseholes are doing it just for the funzies.

Run!

I got at drunk as that at a work Xmas party once. The problem was my wine was being constantly topped up by others so I had no idea how much I was actually drinking.

My partner at the time had to come and get me in a hire car (taxis wouldn’t take me) and we didn’t own a car. I was mid 20s.

I wouldn’t do it now aged 40 but wouldn’t dump my partner if he did the same because I’ve been there and know it can happen.

He was doing drugs too, wasn't he. Hence the reaction to your suggestion he should go to the police.

How old are you both, op? Is this repeated behaviour?

The bit about him sulking over you not sorting him out while was covered in puke ... 😬

You say he has kids and it luckily wasn't his weekend with them. Do you know the ex? I'd suggest a coffee and a chat with her. She may be able to add context, her own examples of his behaviour. But she needs to know if she doesn't already what he's capable of doing - and might do around their children.

I'd pull back a bit. Does he make assumptions that he can come round when he wants? Is he angling to move in?

He drank for eight hours on an empty stomach while off his tits on cocaine, then. What a prick.

Run for the hills.

His shittiness re you not meeting his sexual wants - I mean how could you resist - is unacceptable.

He clearly used the "I was spiked" to manipulate you into accepting his diabolical behaviour. If he believed it he wouldn't have freaked out.

As others have said sounds like he was doing drugs willingly if he is worried about being tested as well as drinking too much.

You deserve better. Life is too short for these sort of antics and anyone that will wee in your house. Vile. I've honestly only ever read about such madness as weeing in living rooms etc on Mumsnet. It really isn't normal or acceptable.

You should have taken him to his own home after you picked him up.

Let him pee up his own walls and trash his furniture! Yuck!

Yes, what a charmer.

The drinking, peeing in living room, being covered in sick is gross, but nothing beats the demanding sex- worrying ick.

Re: Blood test

So, we can infer that this man has been abusing recreational substances in additional to alcohol.

He’s a washed up mess, and you have been minimizing his behavior.

End it now.

Ugh.

I was going to say, whilst spiked sounds unlikely, its irrelevant, a nice person doesn't turn into a sex pest when spiked, they are confused, want to lie down, feel awful and in the morning they feel really bad and are horribly upset at whats happened.

Doesn't sound like him at all, particularly given his binge drinking history and his using binge drinking as a 'coping strategy' for stressful events like meeting key friends of yours.

With the additional information though - he's been on the marching powder, knows it'd show up in a drugs test.

It won't be the first time and that will be why he's come back with the raging horn and the snarky pissy behaviour when he didn't get what he felt he was owed.

Get shot of him, this is who he really is, and he does not give a flying fuck how much it upsets you, scares you, damages your stuff, whatever. It's all about pleasing himself and it'll only get worse.

Oh well done! Don't stew! I'd be having a party! Thank god you've got rid of such a revolting man.

So he was doing drugs as well then.

Sounds like ketamine.

I really hope you find your self esteem and tell this loser not to bother coming back.

10 pages in and it has only just been realised he was on coke- that was evident from the sex pestering and the locking himself in bathroom for ages which was in the OP- plus the amount of alcohol he managed to consume, cant believe anyone thought he was spiked

Ah yuk op, he’s a nasty coke head. If he had got his weapon out you’d have realised it was shriveled to the point of being unusable anyway. This man is revolting and I really hope you find your self respect and ditch him. Plenty men out there who are perfectly nice and will not coerce you for sex whilst being out their bin on cocaine and urinating in the home you’ve worked hard for. And take it from my experience the chances of him stopping taking drugs are slim and he’s doing it WAAAAAAAY more than you think. Sorry OP, this one is a dud.

I would be more concerned about the pestering for sex. Utterly revolting and shows such disrespect to you

No he isn’t angling to move in and likes the current set up especially as it works for his children.

He always says it would take a lot for him to agree to live full time with a woman again after his experience with his ex.

He text me a while after he left last night and said a colleague was smoking ‘something’ (which when I pressed he said was weed) and he had a try of it. He thinks this added to him being sick as he’s never had it before and says he never will again.

@Relationshipover2 you need to use the spray that breaks down urine or the smell will never leave. You can buy it at Pets at Home.

He’s a loser - a liar too.

dump his ass

And of course, he's such a catch isnt he? Women lining up to ask him to move in! Tosser

The sick, drunkenness etc I could look over. Possibly even the pissing if it was a one off. Don’t get me wrong, I would be fuming and he’d definitely know about it, but I’d get over it.

However, his attitude at you not “servicing” him? That’s a binning offence then and there. No amount of alcohol or weed smoking can excuse that, and it shows exactly what your role is in this relationship as far as he’s concerned.