To dump DP after what happened last night

[Relationshipover2]

NC’d for this. There have been some minor flags around my DP’s drinking in the past but nothing like what happened last night.

DP was on his work do in town and I was expecting him home late. I got a call about 10pm as I was getting ready for bed and it was from his phone - but when I answered it wasn’t him. It was a colleague who told me I’d need to come and pick him up because taxi’s were refusing to take him because he was covered in sick.

I went to get him, he had to be helped into my car by two colleagues propping him up. He was smashed, had been drinking since 2 on an empty stomach and was an absolute mess with sick all down his jeans.

On the drive back he was barely making sense, he kept saying he wanted to have sex and was turned on. I got him in the house after telling him to take his clothes off in the porch and set up bedding on the sofa (I’ve got a spare room but it’s an office and no bed) and left him to go to sleep.

I heard a load of crashing two hours later, he had fallen over into my coffee table (it collapsed) when walking in the dark. He then told me he had not made it to the bathroom in time and had pissed in the corner of the living room. Bullshit because the bathroom is in the other direction.

This morning he still seemed drunk and got funny with me for not ‘seeing to him’ sexually and then said he’d sort himself out and locked himself in the bathroom for ages.

He has finally sobered up this afternoon and claims he was spiked and is going to make a report to the police.

I am 99% sure that didn’t happen but does anyone think there’s any chance that’s true? I’ve never known him to get that drunk.

You would stay with someone who drank eight hours straight without eating?
Who vomited over himself and had to be collected by his girlfriend as if she was his mother?
Who broke a table?
Who pestered her for sex while he was in this state?
Who pissed in the corner of the room at his girlfriend’s house?

People talk about raising the bar: you don’t have a bar to raise.

No wonder this board is full of people dragged down by awful men if the standards are this low…

Get rid what disgusting behaviour. How repulsive

Spiked my arse. His disgusting behaviour this morning proves thats a load of rubbish. If this was my DP he'd have been binned by 12pm and we've been together 20+ years and have 2 DC.

Dump him ASAP.

Well that will make going NC easier.

Is he out of your home now?

His reaction this morning says it all imo, I would end a relationship for that.

My DH got hideously drunk once 20+ years ago. I had to collect him. He was sick in my car and sick again in my bathroom. He was also pretty rude. The difference is the next morning he was absolutely mortified. He couldn't stop apologising and within an hour of being awake he'd organised a professional cleaner for my car and bathroom (after cleaning it up himself but wanting to be sure there was going to be no lingering smell). He's also never touched alcohol since.

The pestering for sex and sulking over not getting it is disgusting - not a chance I would stand for that.

Even if he had been spiked his behaviour and attitude towards you are his own. Do you really want to live like this?

I'd dump him

wish I'd dumped my nice boyfriend who turned up at my flat after his works do having thrown up in the taxi.

I got drunk like that in my teenage years, not as an adult and a parent.

There's something seriously grim about a grown man pissing on your carpet.

It really is a parallel universe where women accept and stay with such scum, and actually continue to have sex with such filthy men.
Unfathomable how low some women's standards are in what they accept in a man.

Agree. But someone will be along shortly to tell you people are too quick to LTB.

Let me guess. He cocklodges in your property and uses you for childcare?

Bin him. He's a disgusting, disrespectful, rapey twat.

This thread is full of comments about standards. Always is on threads like this. His behaviour was diabolical I think we can all agree on that. But I don’t think pausing to think before ending a long term relationship because of a one off incident means you have low standards. If he did this all the time it would be a no brainer, if it were out of character and the relationship was otherwise good I would be at least giving it some thought if it was my relationship. That doesn’t mean I have low standards.

People roll out this stuff all the time because it makes them feel superior. They can look down on women who are so needy and pathetic that they’d tolerate behaviour you simply wouldn’t stand for. But I’m almost certain that in reality the majority of people would at least think it through.

Ew. Chuck the sex pest with a drink problem, yes. Surprised this is a question that needs asking.

Get money from him for the coffee table, repainting the room, a new carpet for the room and then dump him.

Do not have children with this manchild.
Get out while it’s still early.
This will get worse
There will be other women involved- someone has ‘got him going’ while he was out…..
I have this t-shirt, this was my life.

The relationship would have needed to be absolutle perfection before this point to get past this. (Not even sure I could even get past it then)

I think being a sick covered sex pest, that got me out of bed to give him a lift home, that also pissed himself in my living room and sulking at me the next morning for not having sick covered sex with him would give me the dreaded "ick" God knows what his colleagues think of him 😬

Also he'd been drinking for 8 hours, he's not been fucking spiked. Unapologetic twat.

he wasnt spike he draink for nearly 8 hours thats just ridiculous

doesnt sound like a good guy hed be remoseful not going on about sex

before ending a long term relationship because of a one off incident means you have low standards. If he did this all the time it would be a no brainer, if it were out of character and the relationship was otherwise good I would be at least giving it some thought if it was my relationship.

Did you miss where she said there have been red flags about his drinking before and also pestering her for sex when drunk? She said he got "funny" when he wanted sex the morning after this drunken debacle and she said no.

It's not a one off. It's a pattern of behaviour that's escalating.

We get what we tolerate. Many women are not going to tolerate a partner who gets so drunk they vomit all over and piss in the living room and break furniture and get "funny" when their partner won't have sex with him. She hasn't defined what she means by funny but I'm guessing it's coercive behaviour of some kind.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with holding your partner to a certain standard of behaviour or the relationship is done.

I would treat it as a one off, in 2 years you've seen him like this twice. Sometimes people over do it, it happens. If it were to become his regular behaviour, then its a problem. I think its OTT to ditch a 2 year relationship over being a drunken idiot, saying and doing things he wouldn't normally. He definitely has some making up to do.

I don't know if anyone actually answered your question about whether or not the drink was spiked. I would be interested, because I know clinically what symptoms to expect from a date rape drug that is put into a drink, and his symptoms are not what the internet says.
I guess it could have been something else, some other type of substance, but I'm just curious.
Sounds like he was massively drunk, puking is a part of that. Smashing into things, going on about how horny he is, and not using a bathroom properly. All those things are definitely experiences of an over drunk person I know these symptoms well enough, but I'm unfamiliar with how drugs make it into the equation and I was just wondering myself...

I would treat it as a one off, in 2 years you've seen him like this twice.

Which is surely twice too often?

I'd say it's only been 2yrs, call it quits & dump him.

Lol I've had my drink spiked before and that ain't it. Drunken dickhead that's refusing to take responsibility for it.

Of course not. Op is right to consider ending it. What I object to is this constant narrative on MN that if you don’t immediately LTB then you must be a lesser human whose ‘standards’ are in the gutter. Does hearing that really help women who are already feeling like shit?

I've known lots of people who've been spiked - this sounds nothing like it and is insulting to those who have been. Have you had enough of his drinking yet @Relationshipover2 ? He has a problem, and you deserve much better.