To think its a bad idea to date this guy?

[slackspot]

I have an admirer, a good friends older brother who is apparently really very keen on me and is now at a point where he is ready for a serious relationship. He's a nice enough guy, he's never really had a serious long term relationship. I think he was quite shy when younger, then went after women who were probably not really ever going to be into him i.e. very high octane, party girls who had better fitting options I'd imagine. He's dated casually and a few situationships and he's also used fetlife for sex hook ups. I kind of get the feeling that he feels like the kind of women he's been hooking up with aren't good enough for him and he feels entitled to a classy wholesome woman which is how he has "classified" me.

Honestly he's a nice guy to talk to, I quite like him and he's not the worst looking but I am just really put off by his past use of sites like fetlife and how he seems to view women. I might have been interested but this is literally just what I know about him there could be other stuff lurking.

Am I unreasonable to give him a knock back?

I don’t see why you’d contemplate spending ten minutes with this entitled misogynist.

Yeah, he is nice enough socially but I think there is probably a damn good reason he's never had a serious or lasting relationship. It just baffles me that he doesn't seem to realise that his use of hook up sites and especially his attitude to the women who use them is a total turn off.

To be clear, fetlife and hooking up isn't my scene at all but to each their own. However if you are into it and use it you shouldn't be looking down on the other people that do.

if you are into it and use it you shouldn't be looking down on the other people that do

This!!!

I'd trust your instincts here.

I think you’d be insane to have anything to do with him.

I also hope you tell him that classy, wholesome women want classy, wholesome men, which rules him out completely. Grubby little specimen.

He has 'standards' but can't meet them himself. I'd give this one a wide swerve.

I can't believe he has told you all this if he wants to go out with you?!?! Crazy.

You don’t have to entertain men who treat women as things.

I kind of get the feeling that he feels like the kind of women he's been hooking up with aren't good enough for him and he feels entitled to a classy wholesome woman which is how he has "classified" me.

So the kind of women he met on this site and shared his hobby weren't good enough for him. But you (who presumably do not use Fetlife) are supposed to think a Fetlife user is good enough for you?

He certainly IS entitled, as you say.

Sounds like he is actually ready for a brush-up on his image rather than a serious relationship.

I would also be concerned that if he's been into BDSM, fetish and kink sex, he has a rather skewed view of sex and any partner who didn't want to constantly fulfil those fantasies would be on the receiving end of continual nagging and pressure.

Or he has a weird Madonna/whore thing and will still shag women on the side.