Greedy husband?

[Bunchofcoconuts]

Does your husband expect to eat more than you?
Over the years I have always accepted the fact that my DH expects to have a much larger portion of food than me. He has always said that because he is much taller and of a larger build that he needs more. This is fine most of the time and if we are eating at home I just cater for his large appetite. It becomes more of a problem when we are away and eating out and I feel that this is almost leading to a food disorder as I tend to pack secret cereal bars in my luggage as I worry about being left hungry.
For example whilst away last week we met friends for wine and pizza. As the pizza's in this particular establishment are large we agreed to share one per couple. I was quite surprised as I would say my DH had at least two thirds of the pizza we shared, whilst the other couple split theirs down the middle.
This has made me question the fact that he always takes the lions share of food and I guess I just want to ask if this is the case in other people's relationships?

I'm male, and generally I eat more than DP and DD. I'm also a greedy bugger, and will happily have whatever is left on their plates at the end of a meal out.

But I would never dream of not splitting a pizza 50/50 with DP in the situation you describe @Bunchofcoconuts . If DP said she was done, them I'll eat the last slice, but not before.

I don't think I'd get away with it anyway, I'd get a fork through my hand!

We share a dessert once, early on in our relationship. It was a like a sword fight with our spoons to be honest, never again!

So yes, your husband is being highly unreasonable. But so are you by not saying "Oi, you greedy twat, that's mine" when he goes to take a slice that's not his.

I think this is on you, to be honest. Unless there’s serious financial constraints, why hasn’t the cooking been adapted so that both are satisfied? As for the pizza, why didn’t you just say “you’ll have most of yours, we’re better off if I order one for myself as well” or instead some appetisers? I’m not entirely sure it’s fair to say he’s greedy if you’re not speaking up, he won’t be a mind reader when it comes to your appetite.

I have the opposite issue, DP thinks I always need the same amounts as him and wants everything 50/50 even though often I just don’t need it, I’m 5’2 and he’s 6’4. He also eats way more with his eyes than his actual mouth so I’m always having to combat food waste.

My Husband eats more than me but in the pizza situation he wouldn't have eaten most of the pizza without offering to me first.
Did he know you wanted it, how did he eat so much of it was he eating much faster than you?

And if we ever leave anywhere hungry we get more food after. Why can't you both have the amount of food that you want to eat?

My husband has a big appetite but I haven't ever felt like this has lead to me being left without enough food to eat.

If I split a pizza with my DP he would eat 2/3 and I would eat 1/3.
But that's what we both want. If I wanted 1/2 then I would eat 1/2.

I don't think your issue is about food. It's about feeling things are not fair.

It's entirely individual. What isn't good is his entitlement and ignoring what you need. Not every woman is half her husband's bodyweight - it's the other way around in our house!

Generally men need more that women BUT, having 2 extra boiled potatoes or 20g of extra pasta at home is one thing but guzzling through more than half a shared pizza without even asking if you've had enough, is 100% selfish pig territory.

My DH always liked the biggest portion, even when DS was a 6ft tall "always starving" teenager. It took a bit of digging but turns out his Dad was like that with him and his brother, some weird macho man of the house thing. As soon as DH realised he changed and made sure DS had the most as he needed the calories.

Totally normal for him to need more food than you, not normal for him not to offer you half. DH always makes sure I have enough food

My husband would get his own because he eats more than me. Perhaps start ordering separate meals e.g. a pizza each. You can always ask to take home leftover food. So it would never be wasted.

It makes sense that day-to-day a larger build person will require more calories than a smaller one e.g. tall/broad man vs small woman. However, on the odd occasion that you're sharing a meal, the starting point should be 50/50 with him then being welcome to finish up anything you don't want (or order himself more sides/food if you eat your half and he's still hungry). Very self-centred to take any other approach!

Have you fallen into the habit of quietly going without to make sure he has enough, and it's become in a way 'normal ' for him to just take what he wants? Did you speak up when he took more than half of the pizza? Perhaps a new 'normal' needs to be established via confronting the issue head on every time it happens.

I eat larger portions than my DP at meals but he tends to eat more through the day because he snacks. If we’re out for dinner and we share something we go halfy halfys! I would stab him with my fork if he tried to take more than half! But honestly, I never understand why couples don’t talk about these things. The fact that you are bringing cereal bars with you so you don’t go hungry is unacceptable. Has he not noticed? Does he not care about you?

That's exactly it. DH is bigger than me and needs more food but he doesn't need my food! I'll tend to give him larger portions but treats like steak we'd go 50/50, he certainly wouldn't expect (or get!) half of my steak for instance.

I don't understand how this has become an issue? You know he has form for this, so why do you share food with him. Just let him order whatever he wants and you order whatever you want. Don't bother sharing.

You definitely need to speak up. It sounds like his upbringing has led to him snaffling as much as he can.
My dh tried it once. We were getting MacDonalds. Told me to only get one fries because he didn't want many 🙄 so I got two and told him i wanted all mine.

Men generally eat more calories than women but if you find this an issue, why share? Get your own food! It isn’t a big deal

This is solved by saying 'oh you greedy twat that's my slice of pizza.' You shouldn't be smuggling energy bars around in your handbag, that is insane!

His needing to eat more than a normal share shouldn't result in you having to eat less

Exactly!

FWIW, in our house we have a petite size 6 woman and a muscular but slightly overweight man. Guess what, we eat the same amount and DH is the one who tends to put on weight. It’s all about metabolism! A taller / larger person doesn’t necessarily need significantly more food.

I think the mistake you are making here is thinking about the amount he eats (x) in terms of the amount you eat (y) i.e. that x>y regardless of individual amounts. Whereas in reality, x and y are entirely independent variables and should just always equal the amount you want or need to eat at a given time.

Unless he's always nicking your food, in which case, tell him to fuck off

My DP eats more than me and I've always had a small appetite. However, if we share food, DP eats his half and waits until I'm done to eat more. Your DP sounds very entitled and he shouldn't be eating so much of the shared food that you're left hungry. Perhaps the way forward is ordering your own meals

I think it’s rude of him.

XH is 6”8 and muscley. He would eat much more than me at mealtimes but if we ever went out and were sharing food, he would always insist on me having half.

How very odd. It’s not just a you problem, it’s a both of you problem. My husband, like most blokes, share equally, and if there was a slice left, whuch was supposed to be mine, he’d ask and make sure I didn’t want it before having it, if he ate half before I had ate half, he’d stop.

how did you get to a position where you have secret food stashes as you can be left hungry as your husband eats your share.

He needs more food than you, yes quite possibly, and nothing wrong with that, but why on earth does this translate to you going hungry and eating cereal bars secretly?! There's not a finite among you're allowed to eat between you.

Unless he is controlling over what you eat, in which case kick him to the fucking kerb.

My late OH was on medication that massively sped up his metabolism. He wasn't a big guy to start with but by the end he could lose weight eating 4000 calories a day.

He still split all communal food 50/50 with me. If we had a pair of steaks for dinner he'd always give me the bigger one too.

Once I was fully finished eating what I wanted, he'd polish off my plate too, but I never went without just so he could have more. He'd top up with extra snacks and meals on top of what I ate too but always offered me some even knowing I'd turn it down.

Even when partners really do need more there are much better ways to go about it than just expecting to have the best of everything. Your partner is being quite selfish. Nobody should be going hungry by default to please someone else.

The general guidelines is that men need 500 calories per day more than women, but it varies based on a number of things. I think it's expected for your husband to eat more than you but I'm not sure why that's your problem. Why are you carrying cereal bars for him like he's a child? If he gets hungry he can pack the bars for himself. And if he agrees to share a pizza, you share it and he can get bread on the side if he wants more food, he doesn't get to eat your food unless you don't want it.

How do you even get to a situation where he says he needs more than you. Those are words my husband has genuinely never uttered to me in 3 decades together.

are you skint and arguing over food? I can’t perceive a situation other than that, where he has to tell you he needs more, as otherwise it would never ever come up.