Greedy husband?

[Bunchofcoconuts]

Does your husband expect to eat more than you?
Over the years I have always accepted the fact that my DH expects to have a much larger portion of food than me. He has always said that because he is much taller and of a larger build that he needs more. This is fine most of the time and if we are eating at home I just cater for his large appetite. It becomes more of a problem when we are away and eating out and I feel that this is almost leading to a food disorder as I tend to pack secret cereal bars in my luggage as I worry about being left hungry.
For example whilst away last week we met friends for wine and pizza. As the pizza's in this particular establishment are large we agreed to share one per couple. I was quite surprised as I would say my DH had at least two thirds of the pizza we shared, whilst the other couple split theirs down the middle.
This has made me question the fact that he always takes the lions share of food and I guess I just want to ask if this is the case in other people's relationships?

I was quite surprised as I would say my DH had at least two thirds of the pizza we shared, whilst the other couple split theirs down the middle.
This has made me question the fact that he always takes the lions share of food and I guess I just want to ask if this is the case in other people's relationships?

@Bunchofcoconuts why was it a surprise to you that he had 2/3 of the pizza if he always eats more than you and you are always having to cook more for him? I'd say it's entirely irrelevant what other people do and how much food they require. It's also not about greed. It's not unusual for men to require more food than women even though I wouldn't insist that it applies to all men or all women. It's just not uncommon. Having said this, if you know that your husband always requires more food, it would have been a good idea to order a pizza per person rather than share one between two people and assume that he would have half. If he is used to the fact that you eat always eat less and you agreed to share one pizza, I am not surprised that he didn't think anything of having more than you. I am just not clear why you assumed that he would only have half if he always eats more than you and why you didn't just order enough food for two. You surely know if you can finish one pizza yourself?

Or just order a meal each.

Half a meal is clearly not enough for OPs husband, so why insist on only ordering one meal for two people?

It's only appropriate to share one meal between two people if both have small appetites, which clearly isn't the case here.

It's odd to call someone eating just 2/3 of an adult meal "greedy".

Who is insisting on ordering less than a meal each? That is where the problem lies.

If you look at dietary advice it generally differentiates between male and female calorie needs and men need more. That may depend on a number of factors like weight/size/build and lifestyle/work. However, part of what you're observing here is conflicting attitudes to meals, sharing, entitlement. He's used to getting more and sometimes it's your share and you are not saying you object? Think of practical ways around this situation and talk to your DH.
As for the pizza example, buy separate pizzas or buy a side dish to bulk things out but if he's just eating more than his share on autopilot then tell him half is yours and make him more aware. He needs to order the extra dish to fill his appetite if you can't share a pizza together.

DH eats way more than me, his calorie needs are far greater (on account of his extra height, weight and muscle mass). But if we share a pizza, he'll always only eat half, unless I tell him I don't want all my half. And if either of us were still hungry, we'd order more food.

DH doesn't expect to eat more than me to the point that I'm left without - we are the Victorian poor.

Well he probably will eat more than you. Which is fine in itself. But the problem comes when your are sharing food and there isn’t enough of it to go round.

So you need to order enough food for you both to have plenty. No ordering one pizza to share when you know you’ll want more than that between you.

What isn’t ok is that he always eats his fill, and you only got what’s left after that, even if it’s less than you need.

”Oh we’d better get a pizza eat as DH will want more than half” would have been absolutely fine to say!

Or “we’ll get a pizza and and couple of starters” or something

Childhood dynamics over food are deep and long-lasting. My DH has some really odd behaviour over food which is replicated in his sister. I do point them out, and he modifies when he's conscious, but then reverts back.

My mum is the same.

The root of all of this is appalling communication on both sides!!
why isn’t he saying ‘I’m starting, I’m probs going to need near enough the full pizza, shall we order two’
and why are you telling him that what he’s leaving you isn’t enough and you’re starving.
sorry to sound harsh but hiding cereal bars rather than having this conversation is crazy! How does he even know you’re hungry if you’re not telling him your needs

It’s odd that you’re letting him dictate how much you eat. Surely if you’re splitting sl
Something you just do it 50/50 and then if he needs more he adds something else on the side?

He isn’t. This is the ops hangup.

Next time, cut the pizza in half and put it on your own plate. He can order a dessert, or a side to go with the pizza. You are doing yourself down.

In future order your own meals rather than sharing them and tell DH to assume you will eat everything that you order for yourself.
DH does eat more than me, so currently on holiday and he has ordered a starter and main whereas I am just having a main.

If I was out for a meal with DH and we decided to share an item (whether that's pizza or anything else), I'd expect to have half each unless one person says to the other "I'm full - you finish it".

My DH eats at least half as much again as me. He's a foot taller and 5 stone heavier than me. Eating out, he'll sometimes order an additional side or sometimes I'll tell him he can have mine (eg I'll order chips as they're included but I won't be able to eat a large side alongside the main).

He'd never assume he could have my side though. Some places we eat at the portions are very generous so it makes sense for his appetite and my waistline to do this. Sounds like you need to advocate for yourself though OP.

Should he eat more than you? If he is larger, more active, more muscular, then yes, he needs more calories.
Should you "go without" so that he can have what he needs? No. If you were impoverished (I'm sure you're not), then both should go without equally.

It sounds like you are not standing up for yourself enough, and he is overly standing up for himself. That's the balance you need to redress.

Maybe the automatic assumption that the pizza will invariably be divided to favour the OP's husband is what is annoying. DP and I often share a pizza. Even though we both know that he will end up eating more of the pizza than me, he always assumes that half of it is mine until I say I'm done and he can go ahead and eat the other slice or slices. If I took a rush of blood to the head and suddenly decided to eat the whole half, then he'd be fine with that. By the way, I don't have a teeny tiny appetite, it's just that I find anything bread based a bit hard to get through, even though I like it. I usually have a load of salad and coleslaw with it.

umm why are you going hungry - order the food you need and eat it.

Mr Monkey and I are a similar size but he runs about three to four marathons year and about six half marathons - when he is marathon training he is like pac-man, so he always makes sure he had bananas, bread, crisps, energy bars etc.. in the house to supplement his meals and will order enough we we are out. I always cook a bit more and if he doesn't eat it then it is left overs for lunch.

I don't get why you need cereal bars on holidays. Surely you order a meal each? Or does your husband make you split one, or eat some of yours?

My DH definitely eats more than me, but if we were out sharing something, he would only eat some of my half after I'd finished eating. But if you know your DH has form for this, just stop sharing food with him and order your own.

My husband eats more than I do, but when we share food, we automatically assume 50/50 split. What usually ends up happening is that I get full on a 2/3 of my half, and I give him the rest if he wants it; he doesn't always. Do you communicate about the split before eating?

DH and I do generally eat the same size dinner, but reading this thread I really don't know why, as he is a healthy BMI and I'm slightly overweight, so I probably should be having a bit less.

I think the big issue, as pointed out by PP, is that you pack secret food to make sure you do not go hungry. My DH eats more than me but not at my expense. That is the issue here.

Or just order a meal each, rather than sharing one.

My dh has always had a big appetite although he is quite short and of slim build. My brothers are all much bigger and it has become a bit of a family joke that he is a big eater despite his stature. However if we decided to share a pizza we would always split it down the middle, and he would get a side or two if it wasn't enough for him. When he cooks (which isn't often tbf) he would put the same amount on both of our plates. It shouldn't really matter how much your dh eats, as long as you get what you need. If your dh suggests splitting a meal just say no way, you will eat most of it. Does he expect you to eat like a bird?

I have a much bigger appetite than dp
If we get something and agree to share it'll be a 50/50 split otherwise we get our own.

The thing that isn’t ok is when men or anyone with a bigger appetite etc keeps saying “oh surely we don’t need to order that much/ we’ll be fine with x amount” and then proceed to eat more of it than their fair share (as in an equal amount). They might well need more food than the other person but in that case shouldn’t be trying to limit the total amount, intending to take more than the other person.

That’s what my exh was like with Chinese takeaways and the like. He wasn’t even large!