Greedy husband?

[Bunchofcoconuts]

Does your husband expect to eat more than you?
Over the years I have always accepted the fact that my DH expects to have a much larger portion of food than me. He has always said that because he is much taller and of a larger build that he needs more. This is fine most of the time and if we are eating at home I just cater for his large appetite. It becomes more of a problem when we are away and eating out and I feel that this is almost leading to a food disorder as I tend to pack secret cereal bars in my luggage as I worry about being left hungry.
For example whilst away last week we met friends for wine and pizza. As the pizza's in this particular establishment are large we agreed to share one per couple. I was quite surprised as I would say my DH had at least two thirds of the pizza we shared, whilst the other couple split theirs down the middle.
This has made me question the fact that he always takes the lions share of food and I guess I just want to ask if this is the case in other people's relationships?

DH eats about twice as much food as me. At home, I take all the food I want at the start of a meal. I don't ever assume I will have the ability to add to my plate later in the meal because there's a high chance it will have been inhaled by then 😂If I overestimate, DH will usually apply eat it. He does all the cooking though so he's perfectly happy to make as much food as he anticipates is needed.

Half a pizza would not be enough for me, certainly not a 1/3. Order your own food.

No, my DH never does this. He loves his food and is overweight, and can be an arse in many other ways, but he wouldn’t take more than his fair share.

Yes we were with other people and hadn't made definite plans about eating. I think we were trying to keep costs even. This is just one instance, it happens all the time, however I have taken all the replies on board and feel that it is a me problem. I have always been a bit shy and reticent about eating food in front of others and I think as a result I come across as not wanting/needing much. My DH comes from a family who all squabbled about food and watched how much each other ate. I am the complete opposite.
Thank you very much for all the replies, I now realise I need to speak up more.

Everyone is different.

I'm a certified fat lass and I couldn't eat a whole pizza but I have friends who are thin who could polish of a large and go in for pud.

Some men are like bottomless pits and others not.

The point really is that you should both be eating what you want to. Neither should dictate how much the other eats and you shouldn't be worrying about whether or not he has had enough.

If he's still hungry after a meal he has both opposable thumbs and a brain to put into action - he doesn't need you to carry snacks around for him like he's a hangry toddler.

If we are sharing something we usually have half each (or he'll leave more for me if it's something I particularly like) but I often can't eat as much anyway so he always finishes up the leftovers and therefore has more. It wouldn't be acceptable for him to just assume he should get a bigger portion though! If he wanted more than half he would check with me and order more if I said I wanted half. Sometimes either of us might say "I don't want to share" and then we'd just order an extra portion.

@Bunchofcoconuts in the kindest way, I am really confused why you don't just adapt what you cook/order to make sure there is enough food for both of you? This should have only ever been a problem once and after that surely you just make more pasta/order your own meal?

I don't understand why him eating bigger portions has any effect on what you eat? Why are you taking cereal bars when you're eating out?

Are you worried others will think you are greedy op

In my book if you order a pizza to share, that means half each. If one doesn't want to finish their half they can offer it to the other - but expecting more or thinking you 'need' more food so someone else must have less is greedy.

If one or both are still hungry after their half, in this scenario couldn't you get something on the way home? Being still hungry isn't always a problem that needs immediate solving. I'd quite enjoy fantasising about which takeaway to grab on the way back.

I expect him to eat a lot more than me because he needs 2500-3500 cals a day dependant on exercise/manual labour and I need 1200-1400.
You should order enough food that you get enough too. Some men do not need that much food, DB and his wife eat the same as she is very active and he is not and they are a similar height

Is you DH overweight so consuming excess cals? Are you underweight?
Your post doesn't give enough info to see what is going on.

I think YABU. Why didn't you just order more food and some sides? Its not a big issue just tell your DH to order his own pizza next time. Nothing stopping you from saying this.

I would advise in future both of you order what you want and before you go tell him that from now on he is to only eat the items he eats. My friend cured this by saying if we continue sharing then she would help herself first. Her husband must have known he took too much as he wouldn't go along with that as she told him she was going to take as much as he did from the meal he chose. Now they order their own meals and do not share.

I would advise in future both of you order what you want and before you go tell him that from now on he is to only eat the items he eats. My friend cured this by saying if we continue sharing then she would help herself first. Her husband must have known he took too much as he wouldn't go along with that as she told him she was going to take as much as he did from the meal he chose. Now they order their own meals and do not share.

How does it "happen all the time?"

Surely it can only happen if you're sharing one meal rather than each ordering your own.

It stands to reason that one meal split between two people is not enough food.

Just order a meal each when you eat out.

sorry that should be from now on he only eats what he orders! I was just going to correct that and I saw it had posted.

I expect DH to eat more than me, after all he's around 20kg heavier.
I had pizza out at the weekend. A full pizza to myself.
I ate 5 out of 8 slices and couldn't eat any more so gave them to him.

Any shared food gets split in EXACTLY half between us and we both have the kind of beady eye that makes sure this happens. Only exception is if one of us is genuinely less hungry at that moment. If we're both still hungry we order more food. I can't imagine sharing a pizza with someone who only gave me one-third of it, I'd be so outraged.

In my house we have the same dinner almost exactly. If it’s something like a pizza we would definitely split equally. If it’s a roast he might have a few more spuds (cos I over cook). Otherwise I would expect him to make up the extra calories a man needs (not that much more overall!) but having an extra piece of toast or a bigger snack than me. I absolutely would not expect to be hungry, especially not if eating out and paying for it!!

You are each responsible for ensuring you have the correct amount of food. You are not one entity.

He’s extremely rude to take a large amount of food if there’s not enough to go round. However in general I would expect a large person to eat more than a small person. In the case of the pizzas I would have ordered one each.

Men generally eat/need more, yes. But the point is, he shouldn’t be dictating what other people eat.

My husband is nearly a foot taller than me, he has a bigger appetite and needs more calories than me. In this scenario we would have ordered a pizza each as it wouldn't be enough for both of us to share one. This way nobody goes hungry.

Difficult because DH eats a lot more than me but he’s active and a lot taller so genuinely does need more (he is also not overweight whereas I am!).
So I do give him a larger portion than I give to myself and our DDs at home, and if we shared a pizza it would probably be 2/3 him and 1/3 me - but I would be fine with that because I’d be full and he wouldn’t. I wouldn’t except to go hungry so he could have more though, I’d just tell him to order himself something else or have toast when we got home!

We don't share. If we have leftovers the leftovers then become that person's lunch/snack. If it's a cooked meal I make sure there's enough for both appetites and I wouldn't dream of sneaking away to eat a cereal bar of he'd eaten more than his share. He can eat the cereal bar of he's still hungry.

From now make sure you get your half and if you are genuinely full your DH can have what you leave. I think you need to be honest with him that he is genuinely leaving you hungry in these situations. It’s not normal to be carrying around snacks because your husband will eat so much dinner that you are left still hungry! He needs told he is first of all being greedy for himself and second of all being controlling towards you. Make a point to eat as much as you bloody like.

And in the restaurant situation screw politeness, if my DH at two thirds of the pizza I would be saying “well I think I shall have a big desert seen as DH gobbled nearly every slice of that! My poor belly thinks my throats been cut!”

Generally I do think the bigger person naturally will eat / want more. My husband’s best friend is 6’7 and he eats double what we do but he’s 100kg of muscle so clearly needs the calories.

My husband does need to eat more than me also. He’s 6ft but a small eater and if we eat the same size meals for a while I gain weight and he loses so clearly he needs more food than me.

However he would never eat so much of my meal that I went hungry… he would always split down the middle and just order more if he wanted it. Even the aforementioned massive mate would offer one of us the last slice before taking it. Because he’s not rude.

If you can afford to I’d just refuse to share food with him and if he complains explain that when you do you don’t get a look in.