DS not home yet

[TeenMumCantSleep]

DS 17 went out last night. Texted to say he’ll be coming home after 1am.
i can see where he is on the phone tracker but he’s not answering my texts and phone is going to vm.
do i go round? He’ll be annoyed as he’ll say I can see where he is, but he has not communicated what he is doing or if he is ok.
i went round to a friend’s house in the morning a few weeks ago and he wasn’t happy with me. I knew this friend, but I don’t know whose house he is at right now.
I’m worried but also so cross at his lack of communication - he knows I will be worrying.
what would you do?

There seems to be an underlying narrative that parents who want to know where their 16-18 year olds are late at night are helicopter parents restricting their child’s independence and likely delaying their ability to mature and function as young adults.

All I can say is that knowing where DD (20) was at 17 and even at 18 for a few months before she left for uni doesn’t seem to have limited her independence. She hadn’t been home since May as she worked in her uni city over the summer and then went on holiday with friends. We’ve been visiting her there instead!

She seems to be able to share a flat, pay her bills, and generally get on with her life. I don’t think it’s harmed her in any way tbh. 🤷

And she’s not avoiding home because we helicopter, it’s because living in a city with her friends and lots going on is more fun than where we live!

The poster didn’t even allude to there being a legal responsibility to do this 😵‍💫. The poster was advising what a police officer had advised.

And irrelevant
the poster was saying that she told her mother that she was going out on Friday night and would be back that night, then then didn’t roll in until Sunday afternoon.

So it would be the equivalent of the student saying they would be gone for the holidays on… Friday but then no work until Sunday afternoon @helpfulperson

Although if anything did happen, I don’t think the police would be lecturing the parent about not following their advice during a an online safety session!

If a police officer advises parents on what their responsibilities are, I take that seriously.

Back to the point of the thread. I have a DS17 and if he behaved like this he’d be in massive trouble with us. I am also an HE first year course lead and unfortunately have some experience of 18 year olds, particularly males, doing very stupid things under the influence of alcohol. Two of those cases involved climbing, falls, hospital admissions, and parents coming to take them home as they were simply not mature enough to have left home. Less serious cases can still be problematic. OP needs to get this sorted out before her DS gets himself into a bad situation.

Interesting. The only experience I have had which did involve the police after an incident with students aged 19-20 on a residential field trip did result in staff being told that the students should have been better supervised.

That was about 15 years ago - perhaps the police are less bothered now?

Well yes. That’s different isn’t it. That is teacher safeguarding post everything being sorted!

Was that at uni @Maray1967 ?

Yes, the poster I was replying to DID allude to legal consequences
if anything happened the police would take the view that you should know where he is.

I’m not a fan of curfews for this age. We don’t want Dd hanging out in town (doesn’t want to now anyway) but if she’s at a pub or party with friends I don’t see the benefit of making her leave to meet some plucked out of the air time deadline we have set. How does that make you safer?

You parent what you’ve got though and Dd pretty mature and has had an extremely lively social life since she was about 14 so is an old hand now. She gets bus back with a male friend who lives nearby or if later than bus an uber. I just go to sleep now.

“Take the view” 🤷‍♀️ I don’t take that as legal ramifications

Either way it was a bit daft of the poster to insinuate the police would somehow be “told ya so” if something did happen!