DS not home yet

[TeenMumCantSleep]

DS 17 went out last night. Texted to say he’ll be coming home after 1am.
i can see where he is on the phone tracker but he’s not answering my texts and phone is going to vm.
do i go round? He’ll be annoyed as he’ll say I can see where he is, but he has not communicated what he is doing or if he is ok.
i went round to a friend’s house in the morning a few weeks ago and he wasn’t happy with me. I knew this friend, but I don’t know whose house he is at right now.
I’m worried but also so cross at his lack of communication - he knows I will be worrying.
what would you do?

Been there, done that. You are a parent, you worry (and can't sleep until you know they are OK). Rationally you understand that in all probability they are OK probably just a bit worse for wear and lost track of time/asleep. 99% of the time they'll be fine but you can't stop worrying about that 1% when they are not

Lives with you? Works?

Why are you asking? I don’t see why my personal situation is relevant to this thread (and will de-rail).

You said you did everything for your son as I do for my 17 year old ds

OP when I was 17 I would go out on a Friday night, say I’d be back that night and often not return until Sunday afternoon. My mum had no idea where I was and we didn’t have a phone in the house so I could let her know. Imagine that!! Let your son be.

I can’t imagine it
and I don’t want to imagine it

my mum at 17 not giving a hoot about where I was for 48 hours

Misinterpreted. I do stuff for him to support him, I don’t do everything for him. Still not relevant to the OP’s thread though, so not sure why you’re asking.

How do you know she didn’t give a hoot?

I would go round. Embarrassing him might make him a bit more respectful to let you know where he is.

1. made No attempt to find out
2. this was regularly the case and she didn’t ask you to please keep her informed in future or make any change at all so that she’d have an idea

I see the "cool parents" are out in force. I am assuming these posters have pre-schoolers and can't imagine life with a teenager.

I have a 17 year old boy. He goes out and has the occasional drink too. He is my youngest of three and we always ask him where he's going and when he'll be back. He also knows (as do his siblings) that he can call any time of the day or night and we'll come and get him.

It is common courtesy to tell the adults in the house when you think you will be home. I don't usually stay up waiting for DS as he has never given me occasion not to trust him but if I woke up at 3am and he wasn't in, of course I would worry and I'd be checking my phone for messages or looking at his location. That is a totally normal response. I'd do the same with DH and he's 51!

I'm glad it's all worked out OP. I don't think it's too much to ask your son to send a quick message if he's not coming home because plans have changed. My oldest, who is 22 and at uni, does this if he's said he'll be home and then decides to stay with a friend in town.

You said you did everything for your son that I do for my 17 yr old 🤷‍♀️

Isn't this the problem though?

He's 17 - he should be working, contributing to the house, cooking, doing all his own laundry and not being so dependent on mummy to pay for everything. I'd be mortified to have been so coddled at 17 years of age.

Why should he be?

I wasn’t, not at all!

Now a very independent single parent of two teens with a senior role in childcare services.

He has his entire life to do the “other stuff” so I’m happy to cook for him, get the groceries in, pay his mobile bill etc. so that he can have a few years of sixth form (he has a couple hours of homework every night) plus sport 4x a week plus a very full social life

and I bloody LOVE it for him

I wasn’t least bit mortified to be mollycoddled by my parents! 😆

Too busy studying, playing netball and seeing friends!

If he's drunk, what can you do about it? Most 17 year olds get drunk. There are much more things than that to be worried about. If he's drunk he will soon be sober.

All this. Its disrespectful and hes 17 so presumably still at school so needs to check in with parents. A 17 year olz who has just started drinking is not an adult.

Because he's less than a year off adulthood - far too old to have mummy washing his dirty pants and paying for his mobile phone 😂

There's nothing good about being "mollycoddled" at 17.

My 17 year old is still at school. He has a part time job but is far from financially independent. I cook his meals and do his washing. I make sure he's done his homework and buy him most of his clothes. That's pretty normal, surely?

Exactly he's 17.
Let him live his life 🤣
Also it's not a question of tracking, it's called sharing location and I think it's great that we can!
A 17-year-old can't just change their mind and do what they bloody want they are actually accountable to their parents you know!

Very glad he's ok but honestly I'd be having words, as I'm sure you will, they are so thoughtless but that age.

do you have teens?

She knew his location- but I don’t think she knew whose house it was or many details.

All I can say is that I loved it! Lots of time to study, play sport and socialise!

and now a financially independent all round pretty successful single parent!

Great. I loved being 17 too - and still managed to pay for my own phone, wash my pants and cook some of my own meals, and didn't have my parents fussing over my every move