MIL called me cruel for putting DD in the crèche at the gym

[Ganes]

I have 2 DC, I work part time 3 days a week, my eldest is 4 and my youngest turned 2 in August. Since my DC were 3 months (the minimum age) I’ve been putting them in the crèche at my gym for an hour while I go to a class or do a work out. Right now our set up is generally on my two non working days I drop my oldest at school, we drive to the gym, DD goes into the crèche for an hour roughly from 9.15-10.15, we have a little play in the play area then either stay at the gym for swimming or go to a toddler ballet class from 11-11.30. The rest of the day we play together, make lunch together all sorts. She doesn’t always nap now but I do put her down for a nap around 1.30 sometimes she just plays in her room other times she will nap, then she is back up at 2 and we get another hour of play before picking up big sister from school at 3.15 (only a 5 or so minute walk away). I’ve done this with both my DDs, and typically on Saturdays both DH and I go to the gym together and the girls spend an hour in the crèche.
Tonight MIL said this was cruel and I clearly don’t enjoy my children’s company very much. MIL is usually lovely and is very supportive so this took me by surprise and now I’m wondering, is it cruel!
I really enjoy going to the gym, I feel it improves my mental health and I obviously can’t go while I’m at work! DH tends to go 2-3 mornings a week before going to work so he gets his time to go.

AIBU putting my DC in the crèche at our gym?

I’m actually surprised there are as many negative comments as there are. I can only think it might be because the OP mentioned a three month old baby in her post, even though the child is now a toddler.

Normally on here if you admit your day(s) centre around your children, you get criticised for that, lots of comments about ‘this is why children nowadays are …’ as if going to a toddler group and / or the park is leading to society’s ruin.

Personally I’m at the stage where I’d struggle to do this as DD is two but not fully understanding a concept like ‘mummy is here but at the gym’ so I think it would be a bit stressful for us both. She is 3 in July and I’m hoping this spring I might be able to start going to the gym and leave her in the crèche for an hour or so.

As it is I work two days a week and the other days are focused pretty much solely on the children: getting them breakfast and getting DS to school then out to an activity for DD like playgroup or swimming or woodland walk or whatever it is. With preschool children, especially under 3s, to be frank about it it can be hard taking them anywhere that isn’t specifically designed for them; they whinge and get bored or wander or have tantrums that can be hard to manage in public.

Going somewhere for an hour or so with a crèche specially designed for small children can be a lifesaver. The days can be very long with little children and quite lonely as well.

I also don’t think it’s a bad thing for children to have healthy habits modelled to them. To be very candid here I am taking Mounjaro after my weight rocketed up to fifteen and a half stone last summer. I was miserable, unhealthy, kept trying to diet but failed by the third day … colleague recommended it to me and I started on the 1 August. After that the price hiked up and it costs me the best part of £300 a month. Since I only earn a small amount as I only work two days that’s a big percentage but … I now weigh 12 stone 3 lbs and the difference to me in every way possible is unimaginable.

I could put that into savings for my children or spend it on a holiday but I’m prioritising me. Not because I’m selfish, the opposite. I lost my mum young and I know what it does to a child. I also know the more a mother enjoys motherhood the more a child enjoys childhood.

I did. I mean let’s see, an hour away from you so you can get some time to exercise and improve your physical and mental health? Sounds essential to me. Plus I assume there are other children at the crèche - great for children to be in the presence of other their iwn age! Your MIL is nuts and should mind her own business.

That was fine until women rightly got careers of their own. Traditionally all the caring has fallen to women and we can't bloody do it all.

I think you & DH sound like you have a lovely balance of family time and things for yourselves and that's only good for all parents for mental and physical health.
Calling you cruel and not wanting to be with your children is rediculous of your MiL.

If she raises it again shut that down and make it clear your don't like the judgement. "Well it works for our family MiL so no, of course I don't agree its cruel and I do enjoy spending time with the kids, that's not a very nice thing to say". Maybe question if she thinks DH is 'cruel' and doesn't like his kids for going away for a week! (of course I bet that will be different to her as "he's working", and of ... male.)

I used to belong to a gym with a creche. It had a big window into the main cardio classes/yoga room and a small one into the workout/lifting areas. it was cute seeing the slightly older kids watching mum or dad (though most were too busy playing to worry about parents) and if any of the babies or very small ones got a bit upset the staff would get the parent who could pop in to settle them, which was pretty rare.

Honestly, eveyone has opinions about parenting, you just have to learn to ignore the judgemental ones.

I mean I can’t understand why anyone would put their toddler down for a nap. I mean don’t you like spending time with them? 🙄

Personally I would be cancelling next dinner. I couldn’t pretend everything was fine. I’d be asking why she hasn’t said about her own son not enjoying time with his children - he’s been going to gym multiple times and now off on a conference all week. Days away from them he must really dislike spending time with them by your reckoning MIL. That’s different? Why. Ask her to explain.

What business is it of your MILs what you do, as long as the children are cared for properly! I'd be absolutely livid! Tell her to mind her own own business, I would...

Your mil sounds like she's trying to put you down. Correct her behaviour before it continues. I'm only speaking from my own experience. My mil has done nothing but put me down ever since I met her!

This! I followed what other posters said re not leaving child with anyone etc and went slowly mad. Now DC is 6 I'm finally getting my health and fitness back but it's shocking how much my body has changed having not prioritised it for 6 years

Your DD sounds like she has a great life and lots of fun Mummy time. MiL can fuck off.

I did it with both of mine and have no regrets. They are now 14 and 10 and have never once minded when they've had babysitters or stayed with GPs when we've gone off for a night or two. You need to exercise and you need time to yourself. There weren't those kinds of options available to parents when she had babies so she can't relate. I bet she'd have taken up a similar practice if they'd had gyms in her era!

As dh gets 2-3 visits to the gym in the week, why doesn't he stay home with the dc on Saturdays so that you get uninterrupted time at the gym on your 3rd visit of the week. Or alternate Saturday gym visits with dh.

That person sounds horrible, and I doubt she was any kinder when she was not on holiday. Poor kids.

When there are parents that behave like this, I really can't understand why OP is getting so much flak for being a balanced caring mother who puts her happy kids into crechè for an hour at the gym. OPs kids are not the ones suffering.

I chucked mine in the Ikea play area and kid's clubs on holiday as often as possible 😂

Don't think it's a generational thing. I'm your MIL's age and used shopping centre creches and occasionally holiday clubs without a smidge of guilt. We all need time to ourselves now and then (except apparently the martyr mothers on here) and an hour in a well run creche won't harm a child at all. Your MIL is being ridiculous.

Was she hinting she’d rather have them at hers than at the creche?
If not…she should really back out promptly of making any remarks on your choice of educating…

I would say, if you are ticked because self conscious then keep doing it…if you ticked because you think the creche isn’t great then take turn with hubby and problem solved. You can’t go together but that is just a stage and soon will be back.

If she cares so much maybe she could look after her while you go to the gym

YANBU! Sometimes I put mine in the crèche to have a coffee in peace!

If you are happy and baby is happy and the crèche is properly qualified and providing adequate care there is no issue. Your MIL might not have done it (and neither would I for the record despite bing a gym bunny) but that has no bearing on whether it’s right for you and your family.

She needs to get a grip! Its a childrens club for one hour... not boarding school for a year so that you can go on lavish cruises etc. Id love my gym to have a creche. Kids have fun whilst you workout! If its part of the kids routine and they enjoy going... why is she bothered?

Just tell her that she's welcome to look after her grandchildren whenever you go to the gym. If she takes you up on it, fine. If not, carry on as long as the children are happy with it.

I think we quite like going together, I have a personal belief that the healthiest choices DH and I can make for our children are both taking care of our personal health and nurturing our relationship. Even if it’s just a quick hit on the tennis court for 40 minutes it strengthens DH and Is relationship, makes sure we still feel connected and don’t entirely lose ourselves to being mum and dad. DD1 also loves the crèche and kids clubs at the gym and doesn’t get to go during the week since she’s at school so it’s a bit of a treat for her.

Im not anywhere close to being a perfect mum but I really try hard to strike a balance between family time, 1-1/1-2 time with the kids, couple time and individual time, I have the utmost respect for the parents that seem to give a lot more of themselves to parenting and absolutely smash it but I tend to notice if DH and I haven’t spent much time alone in a while we get quite snappy with each other and If we haven’t had much time to do something for ourselves our patience wears a lot more thin and our ability to handle normal toddler life gets worse. It’s really silly to some I know but I feel like I can genuinely parent better either as a couple of as an individual if we nurture ourselves and our relationship too.

Actually shocked someone of her generation feels this way! I'm in ROI but when I was little, literally every supermarket (and some pubs I think!) had a free creche manned by a local teen where all the children were left and it was considered completely normal. I presume UK was similar? I don't go to the gym but I see nothing wrong with this and it sounds like you do lots of fun stuff with the kids so fair play!

I used to place my baby in a crèche at the gym for an hour so that I could do exercise down the hall. It was very public and there were several staff there so I never worried. Plus I was 15 seconds away at all times. It was very rude of your MIL to make such a comment. You know what is best for you and for your child.

I think some people are just jealous at the opportunities for mothers these days.

My mother-in-law brought her children up when full-time nursery below age 4 wasn’t a possibility. So she tries to make negative comments about children these days going into full-time nursery.

I remember trying to look for David Lloyd Gym so I could put my child in the Gym crèche . It’s a really good idea to give parents a break. Your physical and mental health are exceptionally important to your parenting ability. Your mother-in-law is a ridiculous woman.