MIL called me cruel for putting DD in the crèche at the gym

[Ganes]

I have 2 DC, I work part time 3 days a week, my eldest is 4 and my youngest turned 2 in August. Since my DC were 3 months (the minimum age) I’ve been putting them in the crèche at my gym for an hour while I go to a class or do a work out. Right now our set up is generally on my two non working days I drop my oldest at school, we drive to the gym, DD goes into the crèche for an hour roughly from 9.15-10.15, we have a little play in the play area then either stay at the gym for swimming or go to a toddler ballet class from 11-11.30. The rest of the day we play together, make lunch together all sorts. She doesn’t always nap now but I do put her down for a nap around 1.30 sometimes she just plays in her room other times she will nap, then she is back up at 2 and we get another hour of play before picking up big sister from school at 3.15 (only a 5 or so minute walk away). I’ve done this with both my DDs, and typically on Saturdays both DH and I go to the gym together and the girls spend an hour in the crèche.
Tonight MIL said this was cruel and I clearly don’t enjoy my children’s company very much. MIL is usually lovely and is very supportive so this took me by surprise and now I’m wondering, is it cruel!
I really enjoy going to the gym, I feel it improves my mental health and I obviously can’t go while I’m at work! DH tends to go 2-3 mornings a week before going to work so he gets his time to go.

AIBU putting my DC in the crèche at our gym?

The obvious solution is for your DH to give up his 3 mornings a week at the gym and you can go then instead. Let’s face it, he can’t enjoy his kids very much if he’s willing to abandon them three times a week just to go to the gym.

That will keep your MIL happy 😬

I also recommend that you spend more of your very precious free time with peope who are kind and supportive to you, and not those who criticise you. Your MIL is not your relative, she is your husband’s and it’s his place to deal with her, not yours.

I’m another that wouldn’t have left a child that young in a gym crèche. It’s a personal choice.

‘’Your MIL is possibly a different generation, when things re children were done differently. She could be struggling to get her head around the differences. She spoke out of turn definitely, maybe (hopefully) she herself is regretting her words now.

i also wouldn’t have left the kids in a crèche to go to the gym. I actually don’t like vulnerable, non-verbal beings looked after by those on minimum wage (this includes pet sitters and old folks’ carers) - I know there are plenty of lovely people but if there is one incident then you will never know about it. If I was the MIL I wouldn’t have voiced that though. I also never used kids clubs even when kids were older as holidays were/are for time together.

Sounds like you have an amazing set up. Ignore mil and the weird comments here. It’s important for you to have time to do the things that make you feel good too. And if that means the kids can have a play for an hour in a safe environment closeby, what’s the issue?

I used to put DC in gym creche from when they were toddlers and they loved it. They loved the whole experience of the pool, play areas and cafe. OP you seem to spend a lot more time playing with DC than I ever did TBH. I'm probably not that much younger than your MIL so not sure it's a generational thing. Get used as a mum to criticism and backhanded compliments! You seem to have organised your life well, so I'd just carry on and MIL can get stuffed

Ignore her. Really none of her business. It is important that you look after your physical and mental health. I wish gym crèches would have existed when my DD was young.

I agree with this - there could well be a generational thing here, going to the gym would have been largely unthinkable 40 years ago.

If you're confident in the quality of the care and going to the gym makes you feel good physically and mentally, ignore her.

And yy to the ones above suggesting that she should have the same conversation with her son if she's really that bothered.

Is it a backward way of her offering to do the childcare for you while you're at the gym?

This. MIL is interfering and being ridiculous. Smile, change the subject and ignore her.

This is a very normal thing for where I live in suburban London. Wouldn’t bat an eyelid

for the people questioning this:

• it’s in the same building and - you as parent - can’t leave
• your exercise routine is essential for your health and longevity - as well as mental health. Would people prefer a parent so unhealthy they can’t move or have a heart attack
• if there is any issue - why is it not with your husband. Surely he can sacrifice one of his gym sessions to help with the kids.

absolutely barking mad. I feel like I’m living in the 19th century with this post.

Regardless of your MILs thoughts on this, she shouldn’t have said anything. She’s had her turn at parenting, and you as their mother, have decided this is ok. To say you’re cruel is actually really nasty.

I didn’t leave my children in childcare so no bias, I just think when you really think about what she’s saying, it’s extremely offensive. I’d be speaking to my partner and expecting him to tell his mother to wind her neck in.

“Thanks for your opinion MIL. I’ll file it under Don’t think I asked”

Carry on op, it's absolutely fine!! My dc loved this kind of thing!! We also used to leave them in the Ikea creche 😱😂. They loved the toys and the other dc. It's literally a completely normal thing to do!

I was a sahm so any opportunity for socialising was great.

To the people saying they wouldn’t risk this, that is not what the MIL said. She used the word ‘cruel’. She suggested the OP didn’t like spending time with her children. That’s completely out of order.

Where is her son while this is going on? Does he not love his kids enough either, because he isn't spending every waking moment with them?

Your MIL is manipulative and passive aggresive person, she raised this with you deliberately without your husband's presence and she was not offering childcare while you spent 1 hour at the gym or any constructive solution. Steer clear of her, she will not change. Do not spend any time with her without your husband being present. If she continues with negative and unconstructive criticism avoid her altogether. Her behaviour will not stop here and probably only get worse over time. Ignore her and focus on your own DH and children.

What a cow. My MIL was judgmental about my putting my child in nursery part-time at ten months. I held my tongue and just thought about how she considers herself mother of the year despite the emotional shitshow that is her son. So. Rise above/quietly judge her back 😀

Your MIL is batshit crazy. She’s also overstepped a boundary here. Get your DH to have a word about minding her own business. Enjoy your gym without guilt.

Cruel would be putting the children in the gym and hiding in the creche for an hour by yourself, which is what I would do...

Personally, think you're amazing, OP. Not only are you bothering to go to the gym (I don't have the motivation), you're doing this on top of working and parenting, and you're role modelling that exercise is good for you, and something you should fit into your life regularly.

Maybe MIL is like me and totally jealous of your commitment to staying fit. Keep doing you!

Funny how she doesn’t tell her son he is cruel for putting dc in creche whilst he goes to the gym.

I wouldn’t accept any invitations to be alone with her anymore. And DH needs to have a word with her that she is being unacceptable.

How on earth can she decide that spending ONE hour apart from your DD in the day means that you don’t enjoy spending time with her. What a ridiculous comment. Sounds like you’re a lovely mum and you do lots of nice things together. Your MIL sounds rude and batshit.

I'd be having some time apart from MIL after that hurtful remark. Insinuating you don't enjoy your baby because you put them in a creche for one pissing hour is a massive overstep on her part and she's obviously way too comfortable putting you in your place.

Absolutely. ‘No I can’t do tonight I’m just home enjoying precious time with my children.

Ignore the old martyr. Dont give it up because she has some weird idea you should.

Wow so many other martyrs on this thread too