MIL called me cruel for putting DD in the crèche at the gym

[Ganes]

I have 2 DC, I work part time 3 days a week, my eldest is 4 and my youngest turned 2 in August. Since my DC were 3 months (the minimum age) I’ve been putting them in the crèche at my gym for an hour while I go to a class or do a work out. Right now our set up is generally on my two non working days I drop my oldest at school, we drive to the gym, DD goes into the crèche for an hour roughly from 9.15-10.15, we have a little play in the play area then either stay at the gym for swimming or go to a toddler ballet class from 11-11.30. The rest of the day we play together, make lunch together all sorts. She doesn’t always nap now but I do put her down for a nap around 1.30 sometimes she just plays in her room other times she will nap, then she is back up at 2 and we get another hour of play before picking up big sister from school at 3.15 (only a 5 or so minute walk away). I’ve done this with both my DDs, and typically on Saturdays both DH and I go to the gym together and the girls spend an hour in the crèche.
Tonight MIL said this was cruel and I clearly don’t enjoy my children’s company very much. MIL is usually lovely and is very supportive so this took me by surprise and now I’m wondering, is it cruel!
I really enjoy going to the gym, I feel it improves my mental health and I obviously can’t go while I’m at work! DH tends to go 2-3 mornings a week before going to work so he gets his time to go.

AIBU putting my DC in the crèche at our gym?

Mil is being ridiculous. Keep doing what you are doing with no guilt whatsoever 💪❤💐

If you have checked the qualifications of the staff and are happy to use it then go ahead.

For a child that young (3 months) no way would I have left them in a crèche facility at a gym, but I would also not have started them in daycare at that age either.
When the time comes for daycare I looked at settings and got a feel for the staff and asked who would their eg worker be etc. I suppose your children probably did get used to the gym childcare staff if you go regularly.

You mention you have a DH so I probably would have gone to the gym when he was able to look after the DC, and then just
take them to the children’s activities that you attend.

We don’t have much in the way of family support so I remember how hard it was when I had a baby but I chose differently - everyone does what they feel is right. Now DC are older I would not for example use a hotel babysitting service or wedding nanny, I only use people known to us (usually building up the relationship over time).

Are you her MIL?!

Anyway OP, your MIL is a muppet. Ignore.

I think we felt differently about the crèche as we were always in the same building. We did check the reviews, ensured foster registration etc. but maybe not as thorough with our choice as we would have been if we were fully leaving them there for a whole day or several hours. When they were little babies we always went during nap time and we had settling in sessions.
As for going when DH can have the children it’s a little tricky. Partially as I enjoy going to classes and these aren’t always available at times DH is around, also because there is no universe in which I’m rolling out of bed at 5.30 to go to the gym, only and emergency or my children could get me up that early, and in the evening we always prioritised family and couple time over individual activities.
I appreciate 3 months isn’t for everyone though but we felt considering we were in the building, never more than a few minutes away and baby was usually napping it wasn’t so bad.

If you are happy with it and DC is happy with it then keep doing it.

My dc would have cried the whole time, so it was never an option for me.

MIL is being a bit nasty to you imo. Stamp it out before it becomes an issue.

Oh also we frequently use kids clubs at hotels, babysitters while on holiday etc. I understand the need to be cautious and we do research, check reviews etc. I think when I read that most children are hurt/harmed by someone close to them it changed my view a little as I realised it didn’t really matter how well I thought I knew someone the risk was always going to be there and I couldn’t have my children strapped to me 24/7 or I would go insane and end up not being a very good mother.

No, I just wouldn’t put a baby in a gym crèche - it wouldn’t be my priority and the benefit to mental and physical health for me would be outweighed by leaving my baby there.

I also wouldn’t say it to OP if I knew her in real life but obviously her MIL did and presumably is welcome to offer to look after the little ones if she wants to enable her DIL to go to the gym.

What did your dh say about it? And what did he say to his mother about it?

No I fully appreciate this view and totally understand it’s not for everyone. I think in parenting we all have to figure out what our limits are and trust our instincts, which ultimately won’t always be the same.
I did find it difficult the first few times I left my babies at the crèche but when I realised they’d either nap through or hardly notice I was gone I settled quite a bit.
I do think it’s also had some benefits as my children are both very outgoing and confident, we’ve never had them crying going into nursery/school/kids club and they have known from a very young age that us going to do something without them for an hour doesn’t mean we aren’t coming back. I know this can be achieved in other ways too and I don’t think there is anything at all wrong with not doing this, but in the end I think it the pay off was worth it as without an hour to do something for me I think I’d probably be a more irritable/less patient parent.

Your MIL is being a plonker and I’m very outraged on your behalf that she is directing her comments to you. How come she isn’t contacting her son to say, “Hey, Jim, time to take the babies off OP so she can go to pilates after growing and raising two tiny humans”.

It never ceases to amaze me how some women do the job of the patriarchy for the menfolk.

Different strokes for different folks. The risk is always there but I know personally the limited number of people who have been left with my DC and have seen their interactions. Not happening with a holiday babysitter who would be pretty untraceable if a disclosure came to light at a later stage.

With you on the not getting out of bed for a 5:30am gym session though!

DH wasn’t there, he is away for work this week at a conference. MIL invited me and the kids over for dinner which was lovely of her and we do often spend time together without DH. I will tell him when we next chat but he’s a few hours ahead of us so was already asleep by the time we got in and had FaceTimed us while we were still at MILs to say good night, I didn’t really fancy mentioning it in front of her though.

She was very rude and it's not her place to pass comment.

YANBU
It's a crèche not a labour camp.

I wouldn't use it personally, but as long as your children are content there and not crying for you, I don't think it's cruel.

Thankfully the only time they cry is when it’s time to leave!

My mum used to put me in the crèche at church. It was fun for me.

I'm probably older than your MIL - I'm 65. She's speaking nonsense.

OP, I think you sound like a really sensible parent. I also think it's great that you exercise three times a week. Children need their parents to be healthy!

It's worth noting that the older generation sometimes really don't get gyms. My late parents didn't, at all. So your MIL might not see what a good idea they are and how healthy they are, basically.

I did it once a week on mat leave when DD1 was very little and it was timed with sleeps. So she'd just be sleeping and/or have lots of cuddles with the staff and then I'd be back. Kept me sane at the time! Other times I'd wait until DH was back to go to the gym or out for a jog. Snatch what bits of time you can for yourself.

The creche is a great way for kids to mix and you get your much needed me time. Ignore her.

I wish there had been a gym with a crèche near me. I had a baby and toddler next to me at meta fit classes, it was hard work. I also use holiday clubs. I was never more than 10 mins from where the club was in the hotel. DH works away and I have no family nearby so usually they were with me all the time. My Mum put us in a crèche/ playgroup while she went shopping and for a cup of tea with friends when she was SAHM. I remember the supermarket having a crèche so you could shop without your children.

Its up to you what you do, as long as you feel your kids are safe and happy.

Your MILs comment was very rude! Definitely say something to her if she says anything like that again otherwise it will only get worse as the kids get older.

I didn't know this was a thing and would absolutely have used it if it had been available when my kids were wee. I didn't use nurseries whilst they were so young, but for an hour if I was in the same building, I don't see any harm.
Strange of your Mil to take issue if she is normally supportive.

absolutely ridiculous! I feel there’s been a real move to expecting mothers (not fathers interestingly) to almost be 150% effort to the role, at the expense of mum balancing her life. I used the gym crèche for my youngest from when he was 2 months. He’s just turned 40 and guess what - he’s happy, well adjusted, great husband/father and in a great career. You do you OP, you’re fine.