MIL called me cruel for putting DD in the crèche at the gym

[Ganes]

I have 2 DC, I work part time 3 days a week, my eldest is 4 and my youngest turned 2 in August. Since my DC were 3 months (the minimum age) I’ve been putting them in the crèche at my gym for an hour while I go to a class or do a work out. Right now our set up is generally on my two non working days I drop my oldest at school, we drive to the gym, DD goes into the crèche for an hour roughly from 9.15-10.15, we have a little play in the play area then either stay at the gym for swimming or go to a toddler ballet class from 11-11.30. The rest of the day we play together, make lunch together all sorts. She doesn’t always nap now but I do put her down for a nap around 1.30 sometimes she just plays in her room other times she will nap, then she is back up at 2 and we get another hour of play before picking up big sister from school at 3.15 (only a 5 or so minute walk away). I’ve done this with both my DDs, and typically on Saturdays both DH and I go to the gym together and the girls spend an hour in the crèche.
Tonight MIL said this was cruel and I clearly don’t enjoy my children’s company very much. MIL is usually lovely and is very supportive so this took me by surprise and now I’m wondering, is it cruel!
I really enjoy going to the gym, I feel it improves my mental health and I obviously can’t go while I’m at work! DH tends to go 2-3 mornings a week before going to work so he gets his time to go.

AIBU putting my DC in the crèche at our gym?

OP i could have written this and agree 100%. I also believe that nurturing my relationship is as important (or not far off) as parenting and my DH and I absolutely prioritise time together even if that means childcare getting used. I dont want to become flatmates and coparents, I want to spend quality time with him, away from the kids where we talk and laugh and exercise etc. I would be asking my DH to have words as what she said was rude insulting

The thing that annoys me most is that her generation left babies outside shops, told kids to go play outside from they were able to walk and many other things that we would never do now. Yet she has the audacity to act shocked that you put them in a creche for an hour now and again? It's not on.

I would not have left my baby at 3 months, but I did struggle with leaving her for 20 minutes while taking my dog out! I had PPD/A so maybe I would feel differently if I had felt “normal”.

I also would ever use baby sitters and things on holidays. I just don’t think it’s worth it.

Having said that I also do not find it cruel. It’s great that you are able to take some time for yourself and enjoy time together. I’m sure your children have had great times playing with other children.

Ask if she'd like to watch them whilst you go to the gym then. You aren't parting you are keeping physically and emotionally fit for both of yourselves and children MIL sounds bitter.

I left my baby at crèche at the gym very early (I think 12 weeks old) it was a long time ago! The care he received at that crèche for an hour a few times a week was outstanding.. they were better than any of the nurseries he later attended and I’m actually good friends with some of the workers there still.
He was a very tricky baby and that hour a few times a week saved my sanity in the long run! No one else stepped up to let me have any time to myself for an hour respite so they were a godsend.
Enjoy your time op!!

You would hope that people/family would operate from a place of support and this mother in law sounds like a right ++++, I would ignore and keep going with what you do. You deserve rest and exercise and in the long term/short term it makes you a better parent, for the modelling of good health you are keeping. Your husband gets to go 3 days a week and I assume you look after the children, so this is your way of doing. My ex/mother in law, passed comment on my cooking and how I was parenting and she had a nanny helping her, so that made me very angry. Plus she went to work very long hours and her kids are complete assholes. So you keep doing what feels right for you.

Does your husband raised any concerns about it? If not and so far is working for you and your baby keep doing it! Exercise is good for you and your mental health and I bet it gives u a boost to carry out your day looking after your children. I would say straight away to my MIL to keep her opinions to herself. Clearly she thinks she knows what's best for your family and you, than you do. Stand your grounds now or it will get much worst. Sorry... Just talking from my personal experience...

she’s invited us for dinner twice, and asked to take the children out both weekends (which I’ve said no to as I plan to take them out myself)

Maybe this might be why her nose is out of joint? Maybe, in her mind, you have turned her request down and instead put them in a creche?

They aren’t going to be in the crèche this weekend. On Saturday I’m taking the children to see my old university friend down in Southampton and on Sunday DD1 has a birthday party and DD2 has been invited too. If they are in crèche at all, it will only be for an hour and I’m happy for MIL to have them for that time but only if it is convenient, I won’t drive 20 minutes past the gym to drop them off and then go back on myself, she’s welcome to either come and pick them up or stay at ours though with them.
She gets to babysit the children often and has never offered to cover the gym sessions though!

Agreed! I don't have kids yet and I'm enraged! So insensitive and disrespectful. I think the thing that gets me is discounting all OP's effort and care because she doesn't like this choice.

Wild behaviour!

The mean and uncharitable responses here are one big reason I'd never have kids. Jesus Christ nobody hates women more than women eh?!

OP it's an hour in a crèche which sounds good for all of you. I would need that time. Don't listen to the crabs in the bucket trying to put you down x

The vast majority of posts seem to be in support of the OP.

Yeah but the ones who aren't are bloody vicious. And then there's MIL as well. I love my MILs (I have two) but if they dropped comments like this I wouldn't!

Totally depends on the child. My dd would lose her life if I left her in a crèche with strangers for an hour but if she'd happily go in and stay there, I'd be using it all the time.

Yeah that’s child abuse, making DD play and socialise with other children for a whole hour, a couple of times a week. I’m surprised MIL hasn’t contacted social services. 😉

Do they enjoy the creche? Obviously or you wouldn't do it.

Therefore, MIL is wrong.

Jesus so you're a SAHM on your own with 2 under 5s all week and your MIL begrudges you a 1-hour exercise class? She can get to fuck, quite frankly. 2yos benefit from social interaction.

MIL should butt out. I tried putting my child in the creche for gym but she hated it so I stopped. I haven't been to the gym in about 3 years.

Im sure you are balancing what is best for yourself and your baby and if you are happy with it and think it's a good decision then obviously continue.

Some of the replies on this thread are absolutely batshit. There are no medals for martyrdom.

You'd swear OP was leaving her toddler to roam a crack den whilst her mum shot up heroin for an hour once a week.

OP, you're MIL is a tool. You sound like you're doing it all brilliantly and have very lucky children. Great you're keeping fit and healthy and getting an hour to yourself for your sanity. Great your little one is socialising for that hour whilst being taken care of by trained professionals.

Well done to you

I'm actually laughing.
Of all the things any of us could be criticised for.
My God. The world has gone mad.

Of course it’s not cruel. Just ignore it.

Did you tell her you do this OP? How did this conversation happen because it is none of her business?

Once in a while, okay. Every week, lazy parenting. I'm with your MIL. Unless dd loves it, YABU.

MIL can mind her business. You're the kids parents and in my view, you're doing absolutely nothing wrong. You're entitled to an hour to invest in your physical and mental health - by doing so, you'll be a better parent to your kids overall.

There are no medals for a mother running herself into the ground when it comes to parenting. I really hope you're not influenced by some of the nutty comments here and continue allowing yourself that hour.

Eh? It's a subscription service. And not a cheap one!

It would be silly to waste it out of misplaced guilt.