MIL called me cruel for putting DD in the crèche at the gym

[Ganes]

I have 2 DC, I work part time 3 days a week, my eldest is 4 and my youngest turned 2 in August. Since my DC were 3 months (the minimum age) I’ve been putting them in the crèche at my gym for an hour while I go to a class or do a work out. Right now our set up is generally on my two non working days I drop my oldest at school, we drive to the gym, DD goes into the crèche for an hour roughly from 9.15-10.15, we have a little play in the play area then either stay at the gym for swimming or go to a toddler ballet class from 11-11.30. The rest of the day we play together, make lunch together all sorts. She doesn’t always nap now but I do put her down for a nap around 1.30 sometimes she just plays in her room other times she will nap, then she is back up at 2 and we get another hour of play before picking up big sister from school at 3.15 (only a 5 or so minute walk away). I’ve done this with both my DDs, and typically on Saturdays both DH and I go to the gym together and the girls spend an hour in the crèche.
Tonight MIL said this was cruel and I clearly don’t enjoy my children’s company very much. MIL is usually lovely and is very supportive so this took me by surprise and now I’m wondering, is it cruel!
I really enjoy going to the gym, I feel it improves my mental health and I obviously can’t go while I’m at work! DH tends to go 2-3 mornings a week before going to work so he gets his time to go.

AIBU putting my DC in the crèche at our gym?

Your MIL is way out of order for that comment.

typically on Saturdays both DH and I go to the gym together and the girls spend an hour in the crèche.

So presumably she believes her own son to be cruel too? Or is it only women she feels appropriate to judge?

Sounds like a lovely routine for your little ones, they get to play with other children at the creche for an hour, do swimming and ballet, see the example of you looking after yourself and being a person as well as a mum. If you took them to a play group and sat at the side chatting and drinking coffee for an hour, would your MIL have a problem with that?

No, it’s not cruel and your MIL is talking absolute bollocks. It’s not cruel in the slightest, it’s completely normal.

They’re a 100% not at DL, or at least weren’t doing apprenticeship going back a couple of years ago. Two of DD’s friends worked in the crèche while doing A levels at sixth form, they were not doing any sort of childcare apprenticeship.

Why doesn’t MIL help and look after your DD whilst you get a little time to yourself to exercise?
or is she sitting someone drinking coffee and bitching!!
honestly OP you’re doing the right thing - your doing something for you for an hour - it’s not like 8 hours!!!!
MIL needs to step up and stop criticising a mum who is trying to do it all and just exercise a bit .

Young children don't cope well with being left with strange caregivers. They manage nursery because they are required to be allocated a "key person" and should develop a bond with this person, because they are there regularly for prolonged periods.

This does not happen in a gym creche where they are only left an hour at a time, with likely a revolving door of poorly qualified young staff and a high turnover rate.

Its not something I would ever have done with a tiny baby.

Those creches are offered because a gym is a profit making business and they want you to keep coming. It doesn't mean putting a tiny baby in a creche is in the best interest of the baby.

Don't listen to her she's probably just jealous. I think they sound like lovely days for you both.

It's a few hours a week, your DCs are use dto it and fine, don't see the problem.

Sounds like you've hit a nerve with mil she's either jealous that she never got to do anything she wanted when she had dcs, or she wishes you asked her to mind them instead.

It depends on the role they’re carrying out.

But in any event, it’s not really relevant is it? OP is happy with the situation and that’s all that matters.

Maybe your MIL is resentful that you have the opportunity to do something for yourself. Does she display martyr-like tendancies at all?

Yeah this.

i didn’t use a lot of baby childcare & once my eldest was of school age his severe disabilities meant almost all childcare became inaccessible to him. So I had plenty of time to tie myself to the children. Sometimes my younger kids had to go into childcare settings so I could look after eldest. The youngest had to go from an earlier age than the others. And yes I used a gym crèche with him to give myself a hour (how selfish)

Luckily they loved it. And youngest really loved the gym crèche - it was short enough to be a playtime rather than childcare itkwim.

ignore MIL. I’m probably a similar age - maybe slightly younger. I was an only child and remember loving going to play groups etc - it was ‘playing with other children and different toys’ rather than childcare.

Unless you had a child who hated it I can’t see any issue at all.

Completely agree and as I said in my other post the creche workers always seem great with the kids.

Meh I used to put mine in all the time when they were little. OFSTED registered staff, kids are now 21 and 22 and wouldn't even remember being in there. I had a ton of weight to lose and that hour saved me with dc 15 months apart. Ignore the MIL Mothers can be way to quick to judge each other as can be seen on this thread.

For some women, it's all they've got. If they have no particular talent, aren't very bright, have nothing at all worth remarking on outside being able to reproduce they try to wield power over other women in the only way they know how - fighting to claim the Best Mother/Grandmother crown.

Meanwhile, those children with better rounded and more accomplished mothers, those who look after their health like the OP, or have interests beyond motherhood and martydom, are given a great role model to thrive into adulthood.

This

yeasts ago there was a crèche in my shopping centre were my sister lived. She would put my neice in for an hour when she needed to shop. My neice loved it so much that she started to ask to go even when my sister didn’t need to shop and so my sister would end up window shopping a lot lol

What an insane post! You are basically accusing OP of deliberate neglect based on no evidence whatsoever apart from your own ridiculous prejudices.

It's an hour!! How on earth is leaving your daughter at a crèche for an hour cruel??!!! I expect she enjoys playing, whilst you do your gym work out. Your MH and well-being is just as important as your daughter's. Ignore your ridiculous MIL! I hope you've told your husband, because he needs to shut his Mum down!!

I wouldn’t have left a 3 month old either but I would and did leave a toddler (from about 18 months) in fact our local big supermarket (USA) had a little crèche you could use from age 2 and I did, not to shop, just to sit in the coffee shop for an hour and read!

Sounds sensible to me. As they get older it’s a nice opportunity for them to build confidence being away from you in small amounts. I don’t see the problem with leaving them from 3 months. It’s only an hour for goodness sake. Babies that age will either be sleeping or getting fussed over by all the staff wanting cuddles. I think your MIL is massively out of order for calling you cruel. But if your relationship is otherwise good I wouldn’t rock the boat over it, just avoid the subject in future.

I would never have left a baby with a stranger (sahm) but a 2 year old for one hour in gym crèche seems fine to me. Anyway, I wouldn't have said anything as your Mil unless I proposed to have your DD myself for the time you went to the gym.

Not that’s misogynistic.

Depending on your relationship with her, id want to tell her that i felt hurt by her accusation that you dont enjoy your children, as you feel like you have a nice routine and love your days off with them, and your hour in the gym is really important for your wellbeing.
That you understand its not what she would choose, but she doesnt need to be unkind about it

I would bet that more babies and children are abused by their parents than by nursery workers.

OP's children are happy to go there and are showing no signs of distress. They are there for an hour at a time with OP in close proximity.

Did you home school? If not, I'm surprised that you let your children out of your sight.

You’re keeping fit and strong. Really helpful in parenting. Also carving out an hour or two for yourself. So beneficial.

Your DDs are learning to be with other people.

Your mil is bonkers. Perhaps you think you should be with them every second of every hour of every day. What does she say when you leave them to get your hair done? That can take way longer than an hour. Does she say you clearly don’t enjoy their company then too?