MIL called me cruel for putting DD in the crèche at the gym

[Ganes]

I have 2 DC, I work part time 3 days a week, my eldest is 4 and my youngest turned 2 in August. Since my DC were 3 months (the minimum age) I’ve been putting them in the crèche at my gym for an hour while I go to a class or do a work out. Right now our set up is generally on my two non working days I drop my oldest at school, we drive to the gym, DD goes into the crèche for an hour roughly from 9.15-10.15, we have a little play in the play area then either stay at the gym for swimming or go to a toddler ballet class from 11-11.30. The rest of the day we play together, make lunch together all sorts. She doesn’t always nap now but I do put her down for a nap around 1.30 sometimes she just plays in her room other times she will nap, then she is back up at 2 and we get another hour of play before picking up big sister from school at 3.15 (only a 5 or so minute walk away). I’ve done this with both my DDs, and typically on Saturdays both DH and I go to the gym together and the girls spend an hour in the crèche.
Tonight MIL said this was cruel and I clearly don’t enjoy my children’s company very much. MIL is usually lovely and is very supportive so this took me by surprise and now I’m wondering, is it cruel!
I really enjoy going to the gym, I feel it improves my mental health and I obviously can’t go while I’m at work! DH tends to go 2-3 mornings a week before going to work so he gets his time to go.

AIBU putting my DC in the crèche at our gym?

1 hour?
1 measly hour twice or 3 times a week?
That's hardly day care!
With my first I did that, even with a big family everyone was too busy to help, I absolutely love creche facilities.

If that bothers her so much, she can come along and look after her grandchildren herself.

If she’s normally lovely and you get on well, could there possibly be a misunderstanding-was she joking or something? Because it seems a very extreme thing to say. Obviously if she meant it then that’s completely unacceptable.

If OP's MIL had genuine concerns about their safety, she could offer to look after the children when OP goes to the gym. But her issue seems to be that OP is cruel and doesn't want to spend time with her children, which is mean, judgemental and untrue. It is only for an hour and in the same building and it helps OP with her mental health.

Her own son is happy to put his children in the creche while he works out at the weekend and she hasn't made the same accusation about him, which would be more understandable as he spends less time with his children than OP does because he works full time and sometimes works away from home.

I think OP needs to revise her opinion that her MIL is lovely.

Team MIL
Sorry
If you can't figure out a way for either of you to look after your child , at 3 months old Get them in the pram and go for a run.

It's for an hour, with OP in the same building. 'Drop them off at a bus stop'... have a word with yourself.

My eldest is 25 and most women went back to work after 3/4 months then. When he first went to nursery at nearly 8 months that was seen as unusual.

OP, I would be unwilling to spend much more time with MIL after this, to be honest, but I can be very petty to make a point. I’d tell DH what she said, and make it clear I’m not going round to hers for a while. Let him explain to her why that is. She said you were bringing cruel to your child - I’d struggle to get past that.

My DD was in nursery full time when she was four months old. Your baby is fine for an hour at the gym crèche. I’d put MIL straight back in her box and nail down the lid.

I'm guessing form the Op's explanation it's somewhere like a David Lloyd, the creche set up is very professional, and you're never more than 1-2 mins walks away from your child! They'll call you if anything happens, entirely safe and my 2 loved going. They also do sports clubs with them when they're older and my 2 are super fit now and love sport.

I’m not sure that’s true, about 40 years ago. I’m 40 and my mother has spoken about doing her weightlifting when she had me. It was the height of the Lycra clad, aerobics obsessed 80s! Fitness classes were very in vogue.

Jealous you have a gym with a crèche near you, OP! I would have loved to have kept swimming on my maternity leave but it’s something you definitely can’t do with a baby.

At the age your children are now I’d say crack on- your doing something great for your health and having some balance between child and adult time is good. I have failed a bit in that respect where I’ve struggled to make time for me and exercise. I also have no hesitation using a hotel kids club for primary age kids. Where I’m slightly torn though is the concept of the crèche for a baby that young. I’d have never used it at 3 months (and both of mine went to nursery at 1). So that might be what your mil is getting at but I think she was harsh and unfair as you clearly do spend a lot of time with your children and an hour at their ages isn’t going to harm them.

You sound like a very sane and loving mother who made a sensible choice based on careful consideration. I’ve not used a crèche like that myself but thinking back I can completely understand that in some ways it is easier when they are tiny (as you say they just sleep in the pram for most the time) and then as they get older they would be used to it and chill especially as it’s a super short period and you are in the building. At 2 years old there is certainly no issue with doing it if your kid is comfortable - I’m currently settling my 1 year old into nursery which is a much bigger deal. It’s also super inappropriate for your MIL to criticise - if have been tempted to ask her if she would consider it cruel to leave one of her grandkids with her for an hour if being seperated from their parent is so hard you kid can’t cope. Depending on level of contact they may know the crèche workers better than they know your MIL.

It sounds like it's a David Lloyd of similar, you're in the same building, the staff are very professional and they were great with my kids! Tip from me: don't make your whole life about your kids, and be this uptight... you'll regret it.

Your MiL is an idiot. Ask her how lone or single parents cope in day to day life and working without using these kind of childcare settings. I hope your DH tells her to wind her neck in.

I was a sahm and wished my gym had this I could have gone swimming. No family help but Dh was amazing and I didn't want to go to the gym for 7am before Dh left for work as it would have killed me.

My sister had to put her child in full time nursery at 12 weeks. No real maternity pay in her job whereas I had a year off so Ds went at 11 months. This was 25 years ago.

It will be a high end gym for the OP I bet. They will be checked and it is one fucking hour at a time. Good on OP for doing this for yourself. Far too often women are lambasted for daring to claim some time for themselves.

I was going to come on and say I wouldn't have chosen to do that, but I left my first DD at six months to go back to work 3 days a week (mat leave was shorter 26yrs ago). She was with my parents, but she was still left, away from me, so who am I to judge. If your child is happy, and a gym session helps your mental health, then go for it.

The only thing I never did, and would never do, is leave a child in holiday club when on holiday. We went on holiday as a family and enjoyed it as a family.

OK.That's me told. But does anyway know if the staff have any qualifications. They certainly don't where I live.

You need to go to the gym. Is she jealous or something. What would she say that?

God I’m jealous of your set up! I wish any of the gyms near us had a crèche!!

Your MIL is being a dickhead. Carry on OP without giving her another thought!!

I am a member at DL, never used the crèche as Dd was too old by the time we joined. The staff certainly don’t all have qualifications, there’s a lot of 16yo, 17yo there…..probably older staff in the day. There is a crèche manager….maybe she has a qualification I don’t know. But they are Ofsted inspected so whatever they do must be acceptable. The teens I see looking after the kids at weekends all seem really good with them.

I am a dgm and don’t think your doing anything wrong @Ganes .
What I will say though is whilst your mil shouldn’t interfere she likely feels more intensely than she would have done with her own dc.
I am often surprised how much more I worry about my dgc than I did about my own dc.
In my case I don’t ever let my dc know my feelings regarding dgc care as they’re mine to deal with. I trust my dc, they are good parents.
I think it’s just an age thing.

Good grief, it’s a crèche in the same building as the gym for an hour. You’re not sending her up the Himalayas for 6 months with Andrew Windsor. Legally it will be staffed by qualified childcare assistants who know where to find you if needed. Your MIL is batshit.

Tip from me . my "children" are now grown up. No, I don't regret not leaving with them people they have never met.. Do you guys live in fantasy land? Places that have little kids attract predators - anyone hear of Scouts, churches etc. Childcare is next. And short term childcare is worse. Do whatever you want but handing over a tiny baby to strangers is just so odd to me. Apologies if any offence is caused. Google "4 corners Hunting Ground" from ABC Australia.
Obviously 90ish% of the time it will be fine but I'd rather take bub for a walk round the block than hand them over to complete strangers at 3 months old. I understand not everyone agrees with me.

I’d have turned round to her and said “thanks for the offer, I’ll drop baby off to you for 8am then?” and watched her panic. You’re doing absolutely nothing wrong.