If you were once beautiful and have lost your looks, how do you feel about it?

[FouroutofFivee]

I suspect I am unreasonable for feeling this way, but I can’t help it. I have felt awful about myself for some time now.
I wouldn’t go as far to say I’ve ever been beautiful or stunning, but I thought I was attractive enough and could scrub up well. Always got attention when out and asked for my number etc and never had any trouble finding boyfriends or dates.

Now, I hardly recognise myself. I hoped I would age like my mother, who is still stunning and gets lots of attention. But I have aged terribly. I know this sounds shallow and vain but when I look in the mirror I just feel so sad. No matter what I do, I don’t look nice. I keep trying to accept that this is my face and it’s tough and there’s more important things in life. But it does hurt comparing myself to how I used to look. I try to keep other things nice like my hair and clothes etc but it doesn’t matter what I do, because my face is still ugly.

Im assuming I’ll be told to get over myself, and get a grip which is fine. But to anyone who used to be attractive and receive a lot of attention and now has lost that, how do you feel and how have you made peace with it?

I hear you.

I’ve had a really really difficult few years and it is written all over my face. Still slim-ish. I’m determined to get back on track though and I’ve been seeing a psychotherapist for CPTSD which is helping.

I bet you don’t even look half as bad as you
think you do. We are so critical of ourselves.

I am very average looking, and I've noticed in the last couple of years that I have aged somewhat, and I don't like it. I was always someone who looked young for my age, and now I think I just look my age..(55). I loved how I looked and felt at 50 - 53, even at 54, but now....meh. I'm very sad about it. I look at pics of my peers (school friends etc) and it seems most of us have visibly aged in the last two or three years. It is what it is. It's hard to come to terms with, but it fills me with fire to make the bloody most of things.

I'm fine. Never beautiful but absolutely OK. In my mid 40s now. Men in their 60s plus seem to be very interested in me. No idea why I seem to be so appealing to that demographic.

I wasn't beautiful but was often described as cute. I've lost most of looks (it started around mid-30s when I gained weight and wrinkles). It's hard because I don't like how I'm heading but accept there's not much I can do.

I'm now in my 50s... obviously I'm decades past my prime.

Gosh, I'm 50 and think I am just hitting my prime now!

I remember aged 18 being in the audience of Who Wants to Be A Millionaire, when my godfather won £500k.

Another girl was a relative of one of the phone a friends too, and we were both young, attractive teenage girls, beaming at the camera and the film crew literally made most of the programme focused on both of us. It was pretty funny, and I never considered myself really attractive until then. I was even compared to Catherine Zeta-Jones in a Daily Express review which really made me chuckle 😂

I have to say, my looks have faded, and i am definitely a knackered 44 year old mum of three, with bags under my eyes, perimenopausal skin and teeth, about two stone overweight, and very occasionally feel like I don't want to be here after a decade of poor health/head injury/post concussion syndrome and movement disorder.

My old self is very much gone, but I'm still attractive as a person hopefully. Softer, kinder, more empathetic I hope - but not as smooth skinned, thick haired or with a fully working brain or body lol 😆

But I love my family and have been blessed in many other ways. Being pretty isn't necessarily the most important thing in life. Being grateful, healthy and happy is much better 💓

I hope you can find peace with your looks. I'm sure you look lovely 🥰

Have you got children? I felt and looked awful in my early 30’s due to lack of sleep with small children. Partly I think I was lacking in confidence. I wonder if those around you think the opposite to what you do. Now I get decent sleep but if I have a tough night it makes a lot of difference! 40’s now I do get attention but it’s not always wanted tbh so I wouldn’t judge your looks on that. Work on your self worth would be my advice.

I wouldn't say I've ever been a real beauty (I'm no Angelina Jolie) but like you always used to get attention and compliments etc.

Now I've got older (probably a similar age to you) and had kids and put on weight i don't get the same kind of attention.

Honestly I love it, the invisibility I've gained as I'm not considered conventionally attractive anymore has been absolutely liberating. I'm not bothered by men anymore, I can just exist in my own space without anyone trying to engage me I just get left alone.

When I was younger I felt like I couldn't relax in the same way, almost like I was on show by default. It's hard to explain but people (men, let's be honest) seemed to think i should enjoy being constantly approached no matter what I was doing and if you don't enjoy the attention you're somehow "stuck up", a "bitch" and "rude".

I think the male attention is often more about looking young and less intimidating than looking better. I'm sure you still look great

I’m not sure I’ve ever been beautiful, but getting older is just life isn’t it? To be honest, it doesn’t bother me much. I moisturise and try to look after myself but nothing other than that. To be honest, I find being 40 plus quite liberating.

Make peace with the fact that you’re getting older, OP. Try to be glad that you are still here and still having birthdays; some people are not so lucky!

I certainly feel the most confident and sexy that I ever have, now I'm in my 40s, even though I obviously looked much fresher in my 20s. My husband always describes me as "hot", which is good enough for me!

I really relate to your post and all of your replies OP, but I am slightly younger than you.
I couldn’t walk down the street when I was younger without being told I was beautiful, it was even a joke among friends to start counting down the seconds in a club until a man approached me. Now I’m in my thirties and a completely invisible mum. I never get any compliments anymore and I have also had a few people misjudge my age as mid thirties when I was late twenties with a few kids.

I’m hoping once my children are older I can work on getting myself back somewhat with botox and a few cosmetic procedures, but I feel like the days of being noticeably pretty are behind me. My nose got bigger and my face has sagged slightly with age and I look constantly exhausted. Now I know why mother constantly goes on about how beautiful she was!

Groups of men would stop speaking when I walked into the pub - I went to a work colleagues engagement drinks and he took me to one side and said if I would go out with him he would dump his fiancée! It’s quite fun being young and gorgeous but it can’t last!

I’m in my 70s now and acutely aware that what I can do matters WAY more than how I look.

I hike, exercise, lift weights, play tennis, swim, ski, ice-skate, cycle. I read, paint, go to the theatre, travel.

Will I outlive my friends who, sadly, are doing few or none of these things? Maybe not - I had a precancerous growth removed two years ago. None of us know what is awaiting us, but while I’m alive and kicking I want to be in the best shape I can.

So, instead of focusing on how you look, look at the whole picture.

Oh, I don't feel like that and I'm even older.
I had a similar experience as you with men when young (and always got excellent service in restaurants and bars )
I don't miss it. I still get comments about being good looking in my 50s and I've never had any 'treatments' and don't even wear makeup, never have apart from a bit of mascara going out when young (think of the money I must have saved )
If you were better looking than your peers when younger, you probably still are better looking than them now. And anyway, we're not here just for men to stir at.

I empathise. I did not enjoy becoming the invisible woman!
Made all the more treacherous by having two magnificent daughters whose beauty's bloom mirrors my demise.
Mother Nature is a bitch!

Weight gain/loss can certainly change a person's face.

I look like a pie face when heavier. You can actually see my facial bones when I'm slimmer! (10 stone)

These men are pathetic!

Your 30's? I was in my most gorgeous era in my 30s?! That's mad.

I am now 50 something and 3 stone overweight. I long for my pretty days back, well, I'm still attractive, just not slim and attractive any more! Or young!

You can't have lost it in your 30's though?

I agree. I think most people, male or female, are at their most attractive in their 30s. It's the perfect balance between maturity and physical prime.

Yep!

I think 23 is peak female attractiveness.

I disagree. Most people that age haven't found their style or settled into their personality, all of which impact on a person's attractiveness. It may be 'phsyical peak' but there's more to attractiveness than that.