If you were once beautiful and have lost your looks, how do you feel about it?

[FouroutofFivee]

I suspect I am unreasonable for feeling this way, but I can’t help it. I have felt awful about myself for some time now.
I wouldn’t go as far to say I’ve ever been beautiful or stunning, but I thought I was attractive enough and could scrub up well. Always got attention when out and asked for my number etc and never had any trouble finding boyfriends or dates.

Now, I hardly recognise myself. I hoped I would age like my mother, who is still stunning and gets lots of attention. But I have aged terribly. I know this sounds shallow and vain but when I look in the mirror I just feel so sad. No matter what I do, I don’t look nice. I keep trying to accept that this is my face and it’s tough and there’s more important things in life. But it does hurt comparing myself to how I used to look. I try to keep other things nice like my hair and clothes etc but it doesn’t matter what I do, because my face is still ugly.

Im assuming I’ll be told to get over myself, and get a grip which is fine. But to anyone who used to be attractive and receive a lot of attention and now has lost that, how do you feel and how have you made peace with it?

I'm mid 50s and modelled in my teens and twenties. Most days, I enjoy the invisibility of being a very average looking older woman, but there are times when I catch sight of myself and feel nostalgic for my younger self and, being honest, the 'pretty privilege' I no longer have!

I have really struggled with how I look since hitting my mid 30s but I think it’s mostly in my head or some sort of hormonal shift.

I still look the same as I did when I’ve made that little bit of extra effort to pick a nice outfit or to take a few more minutes to style my hair.

@FouroutofFivee It helps for me to think of and watch video clips of older women who have lost their youthful looks but who I still think are amazing. People like Olivia Coleman, or to go a bit older, Judy Dench for example. It helps me to remember that attractiveness is not about being wrinkle free, or having amazing cheekbones. It’s about the expressions on your face, being an interesting person, the way that you carry yourself and engage with other people.
Likewise I also look at celebs who have aged badly (by which I mean have unfortunate effects from plastic surgery) and I remind myself that they don’t look any the better for it, no money or fame in the world can buy youth.
We just have different currency for attractiveness as we get older and I quite enjoy that in its own way tbh, and any lingering looks you DO get from men will be all the more flattering because you know it’s your personality that is attractive.

This about sums it up.

You can be both.

Yes I know I’m not a hot 23 year old anymore but I still want to look good for myself really.

Love the clip of the young woman on being threatened with aging as “men won’t find you attractive anymore” she eye rolled and responded “boo hoo don’t threaten me with a good time” 😀

@FouroutofFivee how are you feeling in yourself? Because I would agree with you, you are likely in your prime. If you feel you are not looking as good as you did there are two possible main culprits - mental health (ie this is a perception issue, or you have people in your like making you feel like this) or physical health - are you eating right / exercising etc). Your 30s are also the time to discover a good exfoliating facial wash - the only real ageing thing you deal with is your skin isn’t turning over as well as it used to.

I felt like you in my 40s, but looking back at the photos it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought - but my mental health and self-esteem weren’t where they should have been.

To answer your question though - I didn’t really enjoy my looks as much as I could have. Both men and women could be quite unpleasant about it in different ways. People are nicer to me now.

Well there you have it! No wonder you don't look and feel your best right now.
All the best, I hope you can have your surgery soon and enjoy energy and good health afterwards.

I have always been, not just plain, but noticeably unattractive. It's my face, not my figure, so absolutely nothing I can do about it. It's in the bone structure of my face so even surgery wouldn't help, not that I'd waste money trying.

What stands out from some of the posts here from former beauties is the sense of entitlement, to male attention, 'privileges' such as always being bought drinks, etc.

No, that is not the world most people live in, whether they're in their twenties or their nineties.

I'm in my 50s now and glad to be invisible, not because general hagdom has levelled out but because I no longer have to suffer random men calling me names when I'm out and about. If you're 20 and ugly men seem to take it as a personal affront and they're desperately keen to show their mates that you are far, far beneath their standard for a shag, so you get the delights of barking dog noises made in your wake, and "you make [insert comically unattractive celebrity of the day] look good" or simply "God, you're ugly!".

So I have no sympathy for people who were once attractive and have lost it - be glad you have had that experience in your life, and get on with living in the real world.

I have some sympathy for women who suffered from unwelcome male attention in the form of being pestered by men who fancied them, as this is the other side of the same coin, but it is far more humiliating to be on the 'tails you lose' side of that particular coin, believe me.

I agree, the good looking don't deserve/need sympathy if they start to lose their looks. I mean what exactly are they mourning, street harassment? For a start they usually remain better looking than their peers anyway so they don't even lose their looks, they just get older. It's very well documented that better looking people have an easier ride through life. I'm on the lucky side of that divide. I have to do a fair bit of public speaking at work, sometimes having to try to win round a hostile crowd. I'm sure having a pretty face and good body, even in my 50s, helps with this.
Your post made me so angry though. How dare men speak to you like that ! Just how fucking dare they!