If you were once beautiful and have lost your looks, how do you feel about it?

[FouroutofFivee]

I suspect I am unreasonable for feeling this way, but I can’t help it. I have felt awful about myself for some time now.
I wouldn’t go as far to say I’ve ever been beautiful or stunning, but I thought I was attractive enough and could scrub up well. Always got attention when out and asked for my number etc and never had any trouble finding boyfriends or dates.

Now, I hardly recognise myself. I hoped I would age like my mother, who is still stunning and gets lots of attention. But I have aged terribly. I know this sounds shallow and vain but when I look in the mirror I just feel so sad. No matter what I do, I don’t look nice. I keep trying to accept that this is my face and it’s tough and there’s more important things in life. But it does hurt comparing myself to how I used to look. I try to keep other things nice like my hair and clothes etc but it doesn’t matter what I do, because my face is still ugly.

Im assuming I’ll be told to get over myself, and get a grip which is fine. But to anyone who used to be attractive and receive a lot of attention and now has lost that, how do you feel and how have you made peace with it?

I feel you. I was the girl all the men used to look at and always had compliments about my looks. 44 now and recently realised I’m not attractive anymore and actually feel sick looking at photos. I think it’s worse for people who were attractive and have lost it. It’s almost like grieving who you once were. It may sound shallow to some but that’s how I feel

Wow. I can’t believe some of the advice saying have surgery!!! This is totally missing the point.

OP you will NOT be ugly. It sounds like you have crippling self-consciousness. Attractiveness isn’t measured by men leering at you! Men your age are hopefully past blatant leering. You’re using the wrong measure of what attractiveness is.

Ypur post sounds like self-esteem issue, not an appearance one. You do not sound in good mental health.

I am genuinely horrified that women are reading this and thinking surgery could fix it. Surgery does not fix mental health issues.

I used to turn heads when I was young. I don't miss the street harassment or the staring. I don't even miss being told I'm beautiful all the time, because I just found it acutely embarrassing. It also didn't matter how many times I was told, I didn't really believe it at the time.

Now in my early 40's, while I still get compliments and (unwanted) male attention from time to time, I am not turning heads anymore. Perimenopause and years of sleep deprivation when my 2 DC (both with SEND) were small have definitely had an impact. I've also gone from a size 8 in my 20's to a size 14. I'm definitely more stylish and 'put together' now than when I was in my 20's, but back then I could've gone out wearing a bin bag and looked fabulous.

I am a lot happier than I was in my teens and 20's though. I'm also more interesting, wiser, more empathetic, and I have more to say. I think those things are sexy, and I don't really care whether anyone else agrees because ultimately when it comes to my own worth, mine is the only opinion that matters. I still make an effort with clothes, my hair and my make up but now I do it because it makes me feel good, not for the approval of others.

Far worse things than getting older, health for one

My mum feels like you

I don’t I just accept it’s part of life I’ve had my time to shine and now it’s younger women’s time to shine

and agree with pp being invisible is underrated

The level of attention you were getting seems pretty extreme to me, but I’m a lot older so perhaps things have changed. It is natural to get less attention as you get older. A lot of men will be in settled relationships and not flirting with beautiful women. I’m willing to bet that you are still beautiful but people respect you more now that you’re older. Older men don’t go around slipping their phone number into women’s pockets unless they’re creepy. You’re still gorgeous. The men around you have grown up, and so have you.

I was never beautiful but I was very attractive although I was too insecure to be confident at the time!

I had my child in my early 40s and feel like I’ve aged a decade since he was born 4 years ago. The years of disturbed sleep and onset of perimenopause has been a rough ride!

That said, I think the main thing is that I’m only just starting to rebuild my sense of self post motherhood. I used to be very busy with lots of hobbies and friends and we moved away from where we lived so I’ve had to start again and frankly it’s hard to find the energy for hobbies. So I genuinely think that’s what will make the biggest difference for me, not my appearance, and that’s what strikes me about your post - it’s all about your appearance. Maybe you need to focus on all the other great things about you? What else do you have going on that makes you feel good about yourself?

Also this https://youtube.com/shorts/0kBN3TTCxkE?si=mLiRicuTFsQQ018z

In case the link doesn’t work, it’s a Jimmy Carr interview where he says I bet you’d give everything you have in 30 years time if you could be as young and as healthy and feel as good as you do now.

Glad to no longer be in the male gaze and never liked the attention. Great to have some peace.

Gosh, I really understand it. I’m 34 and after having a daughter became so much worn out. Miss having good looks, but don’t have the energy to get it back. Was doing sports 3 hours a day when teenager, had sooo much energy and looked amazing. Now can’t be bothered.

I was superficially “attractive”. But I work in a very male dominated sector, so I spent years playing that down. I could hide it very well at work, but be very different socially and that worked for me. I didn’t want the job because I was “attractive” I wanted it because I’m bloody good. I was and am very good at my job. Now I am older and much more senior? I can’t be arsed much, but if I make the effort? I’m still me 🥰 And I don’t really care what anyone else thinks.

I stayed fairly similar looking in my thirties but ageing has definitely hit me in my forties. I'm heavier and my face is heavier, which i hate. I used to be lovely and slim. I don't enjoy ageing but at the same time I'm fairly accepting. I just try and have nice hair, nails and clothes and look reasonably presentable. No way would I bother with botox or weight loss injections though. Truthfully, having my children changed my body quite a lot but I wouldn't change anything.

Im doing weights now and really appreciate how well my body works ans responds when i treat it to some exercise. Loads of endorphins and can see my body getting fitter week on week. Grateful to be healthy

I enjoy not being constantly harassed by men. I like that I'm now invisible to them. It's very freeing. I also realise now - and always did actually, just how utterly shallow 99% of men are. I would have men eating out of my hand for no reason other than that I was attractive. It used to make me feel depressed that that's all they cared about. It still does make me sad. Men are generally quite horrible really. I make absolutely no effort to stay young/ attractive because they can all fuck off😆😆😆 (plus I'm married to a rare decent one)

A truly beautiful woman will always be beautiful whatever her age ...

Everything in life is transient OP. Life is just a series of moments, and you can choose whether to embrace the present moment, or to keep grieving for moments that have passed. If you keep grieving the past then you are wasting the moments that you have now, much like someone who fails to move on from a relationship that long over.

My advice would be to forget about what you once were, and to embrace who you are now. Make the most of it, because before you know it, this moment will have passed you by. In 10 years time you’ll look back and think how great you looked at 36, and wish that you had embraced it to the full.

I've never been stunning or beautiful, but life has not been kind to my body/hair/skin. In my early 40s I lost 2 friends who were my age to cancer and realized it's such a privilege to age. I don't look any better for it, but I manage it by not looking in the mirror. It's oddly freeing.

Totally this.

Whilst I haven't aged in some ways as I would wish (weight mainly) in other ways I think I look ok but with no work done I just don't look as "current".

I was once beautiful. I was even quite beautiful when plump, sleep deprived with two SEN kids and approaching menopause. Thing is, I didn’t realise until I was ‘old’. It’ seems obvious in old photos, but I just didn’t see it at the time.

So now, I’m thinking less about how I look to others and how I feel about and within myself. I’ve had some botox to get rid of my 11s - as resting bitch face made me look scary, frankly - and I have facials/hyal70 treatments so that I feel I look fresher, but I’m not worried about looking old (I am getting older, fact) or the fact I don’t look 20 anymore. So long as my kids aren’t [too] embarrassed to acknowledge me in public, I’m okay.

I disagree with those saying you look better in your 30s. There’s something about very early adulthood where beauty peaks for men and women. It’s biological. You can be attractive after that but it’s not the same. It’s a transient stage to be enjoyed while it lasts.

When I am with dd2 (aged 17) who is stunning men literally do not see me. It’s quite funny I had to literally wave my hands in front of a barista to get served my coffee as he was so entranced by my glam model neatly 6ft 17 year old he didn’t even see me! .

Do what you can to make yourself look / feel better.

Eat as nutritionally well as possible, stay hydrated, exercise, lose weight, improve your skincare and make up routine, dress for your body and the right colours for you (figure out your colour season), spend a bit of time or money on your hair / nails / teeth.

My mother once said “there is no such thing as an ugly women, just a lazy one…”
I don’t fully agree with that statement but there’s something to it.

I was an attractive young person and am now 37 with 2 young kids feeling like my best years (looks wise) are behind me… and they probably are but I’m going to work with what I’ve got and be the best version of me that I can be.

Absolutely this. It is liberating.

If I were you I would have a month off booze and sugar and eat lots of fiber and protein. Then go to a cosmetic injector for filler and Botox. Get your teeth whitened too.

I am vegetarian and not into fake meats so I do tend to eat a lot of vegetables and healthy food, however I barely exercise. I thought I was just very unfit because the slightest bit of exercise really really affects me and causes me to go to bed due to extreme fatigue. I was diagnosed with ME, however have recently found out I have an ASD (hole in the heart) and one of the main symptoms is fatigue and unable to exercise. I have spoken to a lot of people with this on a Facebook group and so many of them said before their ASD was closed, they could barely shower without feeling so fatigued and now it’s much better and are able to go to the gym or take up a hobby like karate. I am waiting to see if mine is eligible for closure (I’m assuming it will be because it’s a moderate size and my heart is now enlarged) and hope that in the future once it’s fixed I will be able to do more exercise. I walk every day and try to swim as much as possible as well, but I don’t do nearly as much exercise as I should

Thank you. I love this message, it has really resonated with me and you’re right