If you were once beautiful and have lost your looks, how do you feel about it?

[FouroutofFivee]

I suspect I am unreasonable for feeling this way, but I can’t help it. I have felt awful about myself for some time now.
I wouldn’t go as far to say I’ve ever been beautiful or stunning, but I thought I was attractive enough and could scrub up well. Always got attention when out and asked for my number etc and never had any trouble finding boyfriends or dates.

Now, I hardly recognise myself. I hoped I would age like my mother, who is still stunning and gets lots of attention. But I have aged terribly. I know this sounds shallow and vain but when I look in the mirror I just feel so sad. No matter what I do, I don’t look nice. I keep trying to accept that this is my face and it’s tough and there’s more important things in life. But it does hurt comparing myself to how I used to look. I try to keep other things nice like my hair and clothes etc but it doesn’t matter what I do, because my face is still ugly.

Im assuming I’ll be told to get over myself, and get a grip which is fine. But to anyone who used to be attractive and receive a lot of attention and now has lost that, how do you feel and how have you made peace with it?

How old are you and how long have you felt this way? It can take time to get used to our changed looks.

I think we're in such an appearance focused world, that has only become worse with social media, that its hard not to focus on your looks and be a little sad at them fading. Pretty privilege is real so, once attractive people, might feel ignored or irrelevant. I stopped being attractive years ago but was so relieved not to be heckled walking down the street that I was glad of it. I got fat too which turned me completely invisible. I don't love the way I look but its restful not being observed by men or looked upon distrustfully by some women.

I was a head turner in my 20's, then I got fat and old. I feel free. Invisibility is underrated.

I’m not even that old, I’m in my 30s which makes me feel worse because I feel like I should still be in my prime. I’ve felt like this since about 29 and I’m 36 now

I certainly wasn’t beautiful but passable! Definitely sad about aging and my changing face/body. I am beginning to look at options but I’m not sure, I think that for me I would rather make peace with the passage of time and be joyful that I am still here.

If you were attractive before, how wrong can things have gone really?

Option 1- Botox or face lift.
Option 2 - good make up, flattering hair and clothes, the odd facial ie nothing drastic but ‘well maintained’.
Option 3 - learn to love yourself as you are.

Most people get by by doing a combination of options 2 or 3.

It’s not unreasonable to feel sad about aging looks but (and this does sound cheesy but it’s true), there will be so much more to you than your looks and you need to value that. Your mum probably makes the best of what she’s got but it will be her self confidence that radiates through.

I was never beautiful but scrubbed up well. I loved getting dressed up and going out and feeling I looked nice. I loved men looking at me. I think that's normal if you are a heterosexual woman.

I hate ageing. Really hate it.

Nobody cares what you look like. They care what THEY look like.

I feel like that in my 60s but don’t really care. In your 30s is very young are you sure you’re not over reacting.

Well I spent my late 30s and early 40s desperately trying to hang on to my former glory through diets, gym, fashion etc etc. Until to be frank it became too much hard work and hassle and expensive. So I kinda just accepted getting older and being me.

Oh my god, you’re so young! You can’t have changed that much. Just get a bit of Botox (if you fancy it, fine if you don’t), refresh your make up and hair. We tend to stick with the same styles and products that we trust but it’s not always wise.

Normally if someone has an actual beautiful/good looking face ageing & weight gain doesnt diminish it. Youth itself is attractive which benefits the majority of the population.

Fucking livid, in all honesty.

What do your friends and family think? (If this is the kind of convo you have!) Can you ask your mum?

I mean - is it just in your head?

I’m in my 50s and when I notice the signs of ageing, eg sagging skin, it does depress me. I can understand now why people get facelifts!

I'm sure we've had this thread before.
I'm 63 and quite happy with how I look after losing 5 stone with the exception of my turkey neck. I'm not putting up with that so I'm off to have it done in May. I can't stick looking at it.
My other imperfections I don't care about.

I think part of the issue is so many people these get procedures now - might be fillers, or laser treatment, botox etc. So if you're used to seeing people who are your age who've had these treatments done (whether you know if they have or not) , you might start to feel especially old. Especially as the majority of people on the telly have had these, so they all look like they're aging suspiciously well.

I am 36 and I have started to notice in the last year that I have more wrinkles and appear much more tired, dry and older.

Hey this is my motto !! A a dear friend once said, (when I criticising myself) WHOS looking at you, No one !
Absolutely, we are all self obsessed!

Honestly, that seems young to feel that way, which makes me wonder if you're viewing yourself very harshly and there's something else going on.

It sounds as though your perception of how attractive you are has changed over time. What's caused that? Weight gain/loss, stress, sleeplessness?

This.

I wasn't beautiful but pretty (as most young women are tbh). I was acutely and intensely embarrassed about heckling and comments from older men as a young and mid teenager (doubly complicated by my low self esteem regarding appearances -created by my clueless parents who loved a good label having made it clear my sister was "the pretty one" and I was "the sensible one", when we were prepubescent 🤔), then for five or six years I got the hang of being pretty and enjoyed the advantages in my very late teens and early twenties, but tbh once I wasn't on the market for a partner and didn't want the kind of entry level job looks help you get, I became acutely uncomfortable with the kind of creepy attention pretty young women get, especially from older men and especially once I had my first baby.

I also found that after a certain age I care more about interactions with other women, and looking clean and presentable is all that matters looks wise with platonic interactions with other women.

Actually being genuinely beautiful (rather than pretty largely due to youth, vitality, body shape and nice skin and hair) is fairy rare and doubtless a different experience which supposedly actually causes people to keep their distance - I don't think I know anyone genuinely beautiful in person, rather than pretty/ attractive.-

30s are quite tricky, I think a lot of people struggle to adjust to not being in their 20s and looking like that, and feeling confident due to looks rather than achievement. I was just looking at some photos from that time and fgs I looked rubbish - obese, dressed from charity shops as if I had a different body, did my own haircuts which were NOT successful. I got better at being older in my 40s. Tbh I think I looked brilliant in my early 50s - having more money and confidence helped.

There are some easy ways to look better - standing up straight is the simplest of all, aim to walk like a queen - but they all require you to think you’re worth it.

I noticed my skin start changing once I hit my 30s, body aches etc. It can be shocking when you first notice ageing. Do you have young children? I feel like this sometimes but remind myself I'm not getting enough sleep, don't have time to put on a tan, wear less makeup, don't look after my hair or skin like I used to etc. I remind myself I'll have more time to look after myself again.

I’ve had some moments of feeling quite gutted with my aging. But then I look at people with before and after surgery and realise we don’t know what we’ve got till it’s gone. (Friendly, creased up, quirky faces seem so much nicer, warmer, more lovable to me than pulled back symmetrical faces and turkey teeth). So I try to appreciate my face as the one my family loves and recognises. It just is.

I'm in my late forties and have developed at this late stage in my life an interest in clothes and style, even fashion a bit. I always stupidly looked down on it as frivolous but now I totally get it, you can express yourself via what you wear, even sort of signal for want of a better way of putting it that you're into this stuff and therefore into life! That you're keeping up with stuff, you haven't checked out. You can figure out what works on you silhouette wise and colour/shading wise. It's great! All that stuff makes a difference and it's in your control unlike ageing.

I think part of the reason I was less into this stuff when younger was because back then the fashion industry seemed mostly interested in making women look 'male gaze pretty/sexy' iyswim. Now there's still that but lots of other stuff too - it's got way more interesting, there's way more scope to express yourself. So even though I was definitely prettier when I was younger etc, I think in another way I look better now. I'm definitely more confident in myself.