If you were once beautiful and have lost your looks, how do you feel about it?

[FouroutofFivee]

I suspect I am unreasonable for feeling this way, but I can’t help it. I have felt awful about myself for some time now.
I wouldn’t go as far to say I’ve ever been beautiful or stunning, but I thought I was attractive enough and could scrub up well. Always got attention when out and asked for my number etc and never had any trouble finding boyfriends or dates.

Now, I hardly recognise myself. I hoped I would age like my mother, who is still stunning and gets lots of attention. But I have aged terribly. I know this sounds shallow and vain but when I look in the mirror I just feel so sad. No matter what I do, I don’t look nice. I keep trying to accept that this is my face and it’s tough and there’s more important things in life. But it does hurt comparing myself to how I used to look. I try to keep other things nice like my hair and clothes etc but it doesn’t matter what I do, because my face is still ugly.

Im assuming I’ll be told to get over myself, and get a grip which is fine. But to anyone who used to be attractive and receive a lot of attention and now has lost that, how do you feel and how have you made peace with it?

Ive never been beautiful but scrubbed up well enough to attract men. Then came.the menopause. The "allure" left the room and I became invisible. It bothers me not one bit. My handmaiden days are well and truly over 🤣🤣

I simply don't believe that you aren't attractive OP.
There isn't any person I know who can't make themselves attractive. There are different types of attractiveness.
Do you think you are over thinking OP?
Please take care and celebrate who you are.

Not so much beautiful but I had the most perfect breasts. Really amazing. Then I had breast cancer and had a double mastectomy. I have not had a reconstruction. To be honest, am so much happier without them. Pre-cancer, I was mostly objectified by men, now I am not. In the eyes of some others, I am no longer the value of my breasts. This makes me happy. On a plus note, I don't have to worry about them sagging, drooping or getting bigger, all things that often happen to dense breasts once post-menopause.

Another upside of having cancer is that I also lost my hair, so for a year, walked around bald, rarely wearing a wig or covering my head. Pre-cancer, something like this, something that would so affect my looks, appearance, sense of self, not to mention how others viewed me would have worried me immensely. I would have imagined not wanting to leave the house. However, cancer didn't give me that luxury. I had to get on with my life and leave the house, if only to get treatment. To be frank, after cancer, I no longer care about my appearance, getting older or anything. The paradox is that I probably look better post cancer and menopause, and am definitely more relaxed in my new body then I ever was before. Facially, I have good bone structure and so far, my face has yet to collapse. Have never really worn make-up, so I just concentrate on having skin that glows and is in great condition. Somehow, chemotherapy and lack of hormones (am not allowed HRT) has not effected this. However, I expect it will at some point during the next decade. Having already outlived my mother, ageing is a great privilege. This has greatly impacted my perception of ageing. Not everyone grows old.

I was plain until I hit 35, matured into handsome/striking looking (I am female!) til a couple of years ago and have started looking more like my age, (just a smidge past 55) recently.

Have wondered about getting some blemishes and xanthodermas (xanthelasmas?) removed and maybe a mini- facelift (the thread one) to get rid of the sag lower on my face and my eyes.

I'm still interesting looking, particularly if I smile and I am way more confident in myself than in my 20s.

Haven't got time to read whole thread but (though I never thought much about it at the time), looking back at photos now makes me so gutted. I was beautiful, but didn't think I was and had zero confidence. I wish I'd made the most of it! I'm now fat, exhausted and old and I hate it. I just try - genuinely - to avoid mirrors and am almost never persuaded into photos. Not much time to dwell on it but when prompted, like now, I realise how much it gets me down sometimes. But zero time to myself and just can't get a handle on the sugar addiction atm.

You're a lot younger than me OP! I'm 52 and not enjoying it one bit. Perhaps I'll get a second wind in a few years' time, or perhaps I'll just be bloody lucky to be alive (if I am) unlike 4 friends who have passed away in the last 3 years. I remind myself constantly that I'm lucky to be here but yeah. It sucks.

This is so very true. My Aunt was a model back in the 60s. She is still beautiful now at nearly 82 and has had two marriage proposals (from younger men) in the 6 years since my Uncle died.

If you're genuinely beautiful then it lasts a lifetime.

In your 30s you need to start looking after yourself. I empathise, because at that time in my life I had neither the time nor the money to invest in how I looked. Young children , working full time, travelling for work, lack of money….. However, I looked much better in my 40s and 50s!

Looking back, these would be my suggestions…

take care of your teeth - the ones you have are the only ones you’ll have
see a dermatologist for your acne
develop a skin care routine that you can keep up with
ditto your hair
do whatever you can to get a good night’s sleep - really helps!
watch your weight - 2 meals + 1 healthy snack is all you need
prioritise a really healthy diet - Mediterranean, lots of vegetables, a fair bit of protein
exercise at least 4-5 times a week, including resistance/weight-based workouts

This is what I do in my 70s, and I don’t look too bad. I only wish I had started earlier 😆

I won't say I was ever 'beautiful', which I think is genuinely rare. But I was pretty as a young woman, with a great figure. I'm now in my 50s, and while I like to think I'm ageing well and haven't gained much weight, obviously I'm decades past my prime. I used to get quite a bit of male attention until well into my 40s, but that's mostly dried up now. Does it bother me? Sometimes I feel a bit wistful about it, but no more than that. I thought I'd find ageing much harder than I do in fact find it.

I was never beautiful but I wasn’t bad looking and turned heads. It’s hard, especially when you have a stunning daughter in her 20’s! It helps that I’m happy with my life and the more people around me who become chronically ill, the more grateful I am for my health. But I do think the prettier you were, the harder it is.

This. Although I certainly didn't think I was very beautiful when I was young, I look back at old pictures now and think oh I looked great!

There was a definite shift in my 30s when my casual "couldn't care less" look started to feel more like a "doesn't care anymore" look. I really felt I had lost my way somehow and suddenly had no idea who the person in the mirror ought to dress. Fashion had never been of any interest to me at all and I had no ideas where to start, so I just searched for images of people I liked the style of, and just kind of copied some of it. I bought some new clothes, and changed my hair cut and colour.

I don't look young. I'm not. But people seem to guess my age as younger than I am so I guess that's as good as it gets for a mature woman! I dress a lot smarter and more ..groomed?

I dress to please me, and enjoy experimenting with my style. I am bolder and more trendy I suppose! But I have no interest in looking sexy, or trying to attract male attention (though sometimes I still do) and you should ask yourself why that is so important for your self image @FouroutofFivee

I was never beautiful but still find ageing hard. I started getting a little bit of Botox a couple of years ago which helped open my eyes a bit and make me look less tired. I think good eyebrows help!

unfortunately I got hit with cancer in my 40s and the treatment aged me. I’d love to say it made me reassess what was important in life and just feel thankful to be alive but nah, didn’t work like that. I looked older and didn’t have my lovely hair to frame my face. Shit it.

But the OP cares? That's literally the point of her post.

A face lift in her 30's?? Crazy idea. I don't think that many people get facelifts, definitely not in her 30's.

OP - if you were beautiful, how is your face going to be ugly now? It doesn't make sense. You may be a bit 'older', but your face doesn't change from beautiful to ugly. Bodies can change a lot, but your factions will remain the same, maybe a fuller face if you have put on a lot of weight. Still people can be very beautiful with a fuller face

Honestly OP if you had started a thread about how you no longer felt you looked great about your appearance and asking for advice on how to make changes to improve yourself i would have had some sympathy.
But this " I was one of the beautiful people and I don't like it now I'm older because men are no longer fawning over me " attitude is just horrible.
Ageing happens. It is inevitable. All we can do is try to keep our selves healthy and looking as good as we can.
There is more to life than outward appearance.

I’ve never been anyone who got hit on like you describe OP (in line at the shops) even in my best years which is long ago. I just never had that pretty face. Although I’m glad my DH thought I was ok maybe I wasn’t too frightful in hindsight in my early years. My DD is beautiful (her looks favour a lovely mix of other family members on both sides not me - people don’t link me as her mum they think I’m the nanny lol!).

Because I didn’t focus on looks I focused on other things. When I a read a question like yours I can’t reflect myself as I was never on that boat (but sometimes wished I was!).

I think overall I noticed a decline in skin elasticity in my 30s.

I’ve name changed for this, but yes, I was very good looking when I was younger. Overall I’m unhappy about having lost my looks, but there is a silver lining. The attention I used to get from men could be very difficult and scary at times. I was constantly battling to keep certain people away from me, and it made life stressful. I was always aware that eyes were on me, wherever I was. No one looks twice at me now. They don’t even look at me once! Being good looking was my identity for so long, so it’s really odd to feel as though I’ve stepped into the body of someone else, and I do struggle with that. But the anonymity can be a real blessing. I actually feel safer a lot of the time because I blend into the background. I can go anywhere and do anything without being noticed. I like that part of it. The hardest part is seeing people from the past. I’ve aged badly, partly due to illness, and I do think people can be shocked by what I look like now. That’s hard.

I was very beautiful when I was young. I was a model in my late teens. I disliked the male attention. Youth is wasted on the young. But I never had to buy a drink or pay to get in a club. I’m 46 now though, and married, and I don’t need external validation from anyone other than my husband and friends/family. What strangers think of my face is less important than what everyone thinks of my heart.

That said, I do still try and make the best of the genes I was given. What are you doing to help the ageing process?

i really noticed the impact of ageing when I got to about 44. My skin looked awful - dry and loose and wrinkled and dull - my eyes had bags and dark circles and loads of tiny lines.

Implementing a decent skincare routine has made the world of difference and my skin is much tighter and now glows. I still have some
wrinkles but that’s ok. I’m 46.

I take a load of high quality supplements, most notably collagen, omega oils, and a very good multivitamin. I drink 2 litres of water a day minimum. I use vitamin c serum, hyaluronic acid and an SPF moisturiser in the morning, and retinal, HLA and a multi-ceramide night cream at night. I massage my face to encourage lymph drainage and tighten my jawline.

it’s made a massive difference. I don’t really consider whether I’m beautiful or not now. I don’t know. It’s not really for me to say, eye of the beholder and all that, and as I said I don’t really value it in the same way. But I am
comfortable with how I’m ageing.

Can people really change this much, I was very pretty in my teens and 20’s, I’m mid 50’s and am still pretty. Obviously I don’t have the young glow but I look like a pretty 56 year old.

They are probably worried you think blimey they are bald and have a beer gut now.

I would never have called myself beautiful . Pretty would be doing a lot of hefty lifting actually.

Never hear a problem getting a date, married very young (23).

But now in my 40s, I don't care; sspecifically being beautiful especially whatever other people think.

I'm blessed with nice hair and great skin that's always slightly tanned. Favourite feature is dark green eyes :)

No problems getting make attention and I'm moderately overweight!

Same here...

I hate to break it to you, but you are in your prime. Somewhere just past 40 it really begins to happen. I would suggest you have some work to do on your thought patterns, otherwise the next couple of decades are going to be brutal for you.

I remember feeling like this from 42, when I had my second child. So much so that I have so few photos at this time- I took them but found looking at myself so depressing I didn’t let dh take them. I regret it now so much. But surprisingly, of the photos I do have, I look not that much different from what I was before- just a little tired. My self loathing was off the scale - no idea why because as an older woman now I am perfectly accepting of how I look. I wonder are you maybe in the eye of the storm and knackered by life? You are too young to feel this way - try and be kind to yourself.❤️

Absolutely this. Very wise words. 👍

I'm the same age and also think I look good!

My skin is good and after losing weight through intermittent fasting I'm nearly as slim as I was in my prime. Facially I've not changed much, just an older version of my young self. But that's exactly what it is. An older version. I'm now deep into 'looking good for my age' territory. As opposed to just looking good, full stop!😕😒😣😫